8:46 PM goooddd!!!! i am FREEZING! lol. but hey its the middle of december, in southern cali..should i really be complaining?! today and the past few days have been ok. ive lost some weight due to stress. i think im ok tho! =) i could lose a few more..lol yesterday was a little scary. and i freaked out. this whole divorce thing is so hideous. it makes me cringe. i dont understand why it costs more to get a divorce than to get married. yuck. at least doug is being super excellent about the whole thing. he is willing to do whatever to make sure that we are both happy and satisfied. =) i couldnt ask for him to be any better than he has been. its a miracle, and it really shows how much he cares about me. its so nice getting along with him and actually enjoying each others company. he even said last night "i really DO like it better like this" it made me smile. and made me feel so much better about the whole thing. not like i was some crazy psycho bitch who was ruining his life. you know we all have feelings and feel the way that we feel. of course this process is hard, not to mention complicated..but i feel a certain way and i have to live by that. especially, in order to be happy. =) as for other things...my dad has not been the nicest person lately. my entire life he has just pointed out what im doing wrong and my flaws. it makes me so self conscious. i hate it. but what can i do...? its not like i can be like FUCK YOU! i mean, i live with him. and i think he holds that as leverage sometimes...i dont know. im tired of him telling me what to do and how to do it. like i have certain friends that he doesnt like and hes all telling me not to talk to them! im like wtf. its bullshit, im almost 20 years old. i can handle my own and make good decisions. whatever. i just have to ignore him and work around it. this too shall pass. i really just need to keep a positive outlook to keep my head above water. tomorrow night is our x-mas party for work! booze cruise! im sooo excited!! free alcohol, for 2 hours?! who wouldnt be! the only shitty thing is, its going to be FREEZING and i cant get too drunk because i work on thursday. oh well...we'll see what happens!! =) night night<33