Wazz up.. just thought I would post a lil journal entry dedicated to myself.LOL... cause Im going to be 19 in 2 days... I love my husband BTW.

I dont understand why this site has went so far downhill... I used to write in here all the time and now no body even gets on here anymore, I miss all my friends from here.. I love you guys!

Hey guys.. how's life been treating you all?... Hopefully good, I never like to see anyone struggling. And if you are I appoligize for it, and if you need anyone to talk to I'm here. Seriously because I've been through alot of shit in life and I wish there would have been someone for me to go to, but instead I faced the hardships alone and I still suffer from the insanity it's caused. So anyways seriously if someones reading this and they need a friend to talk to, that knows how to listen, then hit me up and dont be shy or ashamed. I am trying to get through alot of lifes struggles right now. And I think I've finally over came the part of my life that leaves me lonely and desperate. And thats the fact that untill two days ago I had no one in this world to call my own, no one to love on, or share lifes prescious moments with, or even confide in and share my feelings. But that's all over now, because I'm dating this guy named Jesse James. And he is so sweet, I mean he really is one of the nicest persons I've ever met, very respectful and thoughtful. He just has this look about him that makes me happy to call him mine, he's got a look that just makes me instantly smile when I look at him.... so anyways he is a really good guy so far and I like him. He's awesome no to mention that he is FINE! I mean he's really cute, Blond hair and really bright baby blue eyes, nice complection, he's about 2 or 3 inches taller than me not too much, and he's skinny but buff. And oh my gosh guys he's got the cutest lips and teeth, and his facial hair is also blond, and he has a gotee.. he's just very very cute, and I am very very happy we're togethr and I hope he will treat me right, and I promise to do the same. Oh one more thing he's also really cool because he's not controling or jealous, and he gives me space, he's not always all up on me. But when we are around eachother we get along great and he just treats me like I'm his princess. And I've been longing for that for such a long time. I thank God for finally answering my prayers. P.S. I miss you daddy, I hope you are looking down on me in pride and happiness. I love you so much!

I don't know I guess I wanted to write today because I am feeling like shit. Is it crazy that when ever I start to laugh or plan a good time out with friends or family that I start to feel guilty. I feel guilty because My dad is dead and I shouldn't be having fun, or laughing... I shouldn't be able to continue living my life, and I should go around acting like nothings wrong when everything in life is. I try to do things that take away the pain, but when I do these things I feel guilty. I know my daddy would want me to live my life happily and with out pain. But man.. it hurts. It hurts to know that I can't ever hear his voice again, or hear him play the gutiar, or listen to his crazy stories when he's drunk off his ass. He wont be able to see me graduate this year, or give me away at my wedding, see or hold my kids, NOTHING. Everything we ever planned to do together, the way he would brag to everyone familyfriends that I was his baby girl and how smart I was and how successful I was going to be. My dad was proud of me, and he let it be known that I was his daughter... I love you daddy so much, I mean and you'll never be able to know just how much you meant to me, cause I never had a chance to explain that to you... and now your gone... and God daddy I miss you so much. I miss you deep in my soul, and it sucks cause I know theres nothing I can do about it. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you or did anything to make you mad. You know your my pops and I'm your one and only baby girl. FOREVER. NO MATTER WHAT.

well some one confessed to murdering my dad. A man named Twaun. He said that he and my dad were in a fight and he was loosing and it made him mad that he couldn't overpower my dad so he pulled out his gun and shot him, twice. He was shot with a small caliber gun. And the man is facing 1st degree Murder but there will probably be a plee bargin for a lessor degree. I dont think they will be able to charge him with pre-meditated murder, and if not that means that our family can not seek out the deth peniltiy, which pisses me off beyond belief. There is also a possiblitiy that there wont be a trial because he confessed... which also pisses me off cause that bitch deserves to hear and see how many people's lives he has affected... so please pray for it anyone who reads this. And wish the VanZant family and the many other friends luck. Thank you. Take it Easy.

My Father was Murdered Thursday September 8th of 2005. He was found in an Indianapolis alley shot twice. Once in the left eye and once in the head. There are many leads that have been suggested but no Offical information has been found..... ~ IN LOVING MEMORY~ ... Timmothy VanZant ... Aug. 25,1961 - Sept. 08,2005 I can't fuckin believe the way people treat one another. I mean my dad was just murdered and for the first time in my life I have had to plan a funeral, pick a casket, a Tombstone, and even a plot, and people... even my own family just treat me like shit. I cant take it anymore I feel like just taking my life. I NEVER thought I would have to deal with a murder especally my dad. I mean he wont be able to go to my graduation, give me away at my wedding, hold my babies. NOTHING. It's just all gone.. anything that I might have wanted to do is just never going to happen. And its all because some punk bitch in the streets wanted to bring a gun into a fist fight because they couldnt have taken him down any other way. Then you have stupid fucking people who run their mouth about how my dad would have wanted things diffrent when he died. I'm sorry but it was my fuckin choice and I made my choice.. so anything other than that is obviously not an option anymore. I dont want no fuckin sympathy phone calls, or everyone asking me if I am ok... I dont need nobdy in my business or in my face. I'm tired of hearing people say stories of what they think happened. Everyone should just shut the fuck up cause NOONE other than my dad and the person who shot him and anyone else who may have witnessed it knows what truely went on that night. So everyone else needs to shut there fucking mouths. And if you have anything to fuckin say about it bring it to my face and say it, cause this aint the time to be a bitch and hide your words behind my back. But I'll let it be known if you step to me you will get your fuckin head knocked off cause Im not in the mood and this aint no joke. So if you want it.. bring it. If not shut the fuck up and keep my name and my dads name out of your fuckin mouth.

NO ONE HAS ANY IDEA HOW FUCKIN HOT I THINK TOMMY LEE IS.. HE IS SERIOUSLY THE HOTTEST HUMAN I'VE LAID MY EYES ON.. AND I CANT EVEN TELL YOU EXACTALY WHY.. I JUST KNOW THAT IT LITERALLY TAKES MY BREATH WHEN I LOOK AT HIS PICTURES. I WISH I KNEW I WHEN "TOMMY LEE GOES TO COLLEGE" COMES ON.. SO IF YOU KNOW AND YOU ARE READING THIS PLEASE LEAVE ME A COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW. I DONT KNOW WHY NONE OF MY FRIENDS ARE NEVER ON HERE ANYMORE. ALL MY PEEPS FROM ALRINGTON HIGHSCHOOL USED TO HIT ME UP ON HERE. OH IF SOMEONE FORM THERE READS THIS FELICIA OR PERSUTTI, I SEEN SARA, DUFFS EX AND SHE HAS A BABY BY THOMAS! I GOT TO SEE THE BABY, SHE IS SO CUTE, BUT I FORGET HERR NAME. IT WAS CRAZY THOUGH CAUSE I USED TO BEEF WITH THAT CHICK ALL THE TIME CAUSE SHE USED TO FUCK AROUND ON MY BUDDIE MITCH AKA DUFF. MAN I MISS THAT BOY HE'S SO HOT. LOL. BUT ANYWAYS SHE ENDS UP HAVING THOMAS'S BABY AND LAST TIME I KNEW SHE WAS PREG WITH DUFF'S BABY.. BUT I GUESS HE MOVED BACK TO ARIZONA...:( I LOVE YOU MITCH AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE YOU TOO TOMMY LEE AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD JUST TO HUG YOUR SEXY ASS BODY AND HEAR YOUR VOICE... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WOULD DO IF YOU LOOKED ME IN MY EYES IN REAL LIFE.. CAUSE YOUR PICTURES ALONE TAKE MY BREATH AWAY.. IT'S FUCKIN NUTS. AND I WANT YOURS. LOL... NAW FOR REAL THOUGH, I DO.

Whats going on everyone?.... hopefully everyone is doing good, and enjoing the new year of school..LOL. I am finally a senior!! I am so freakin happy. I just moved to Brown County, In a really awesome house. we have 7 acres of wooded land that we own now. Our house is small, but very clean and only 3 years old. I have a loft bedroom, the house is beautiful, its like a life size doll house literally. We have a lake in our yard so we can fish.. which also has a track around it to ride dirt bikes, ATVs, or Go-Karts. Our drive way is a narrow paved drive lane with woods surrounding either side. we also have 4 acres of land thats nothing but woods and 4 wheeler trails surrounding our house. We have a two car garage and a huge bon-fire pit. It so awesome and peaceful out here. Not to mention all the hot ass redneck boys that live next to me. Always out side ridin their dirt bikes or workin on there trucks. LOL. I have turned into suck a hill billy livin out here. I hrew up in Indy, and we moved to Martinsville about a year ago... and now we just moved to Morning Star Estates off of old Morgantown road... but I love it... I dont have to deal with the dangers or drama of the city anymore... and if I start to miss the fast life to much.. I can just drive up there...LOL. Its always so nice on the drive back, because you can smell how clean the air is coming home from the city... it's so fresh out here.... anyways... school. I am a Senior at Martinsville High school. I attend a career College called Hoosier Hills in Bloomington.. at Bloomington North highschool. I am the ONLY girl in my class though. LOL. I am taking a computer Tech class. I will have two certifications when I graduate and I also get to compete in (Skills USA)regionals, state and hopefully nationals. ALL PAID TRIPS,LOL. Which will pay for me to go to IVY TECH to get my Cisco certification. I'm such a computer nerd. LOL.. well just a little more into my life. I hope everyone else's is going just as well and even better. Miss you guys. see-ya. -April Michelle aka Queen

Today was crazy I was drvin over to my buddie Mike's house and I was lost and drove all around his neighbor hood because I have never been there before, well I ran into an old time friend of mine from when I went to Arlington Highschool,Michael. And I also got to talk to Sonja which is another one of my good friends from Arlington. It was crazy and brought up alot of old memories so that why I titled this entry memories. I'm stayin at my cousins house this week for Forth of July cause my parents went to Washington D.C. So I'm stayin in Indy to party and hangout with my family. I hope everyone enjoys their weekend but be careful. Love always and Forever, Thug Passion.

GUESS WHAT GUYS.. I FINALLY GOT A JOB!! AT THE TACO BELL IN MARTINSVILLE. I START OUT AT $6.50 AND GET A 25 CENT RAISE ON MY 90 DAY EVALUATION. WITH MY FIRST CHECK IM GOIN TO TRADE IN MY CAR FOR A NEW ONE AND IM SLOWLY GONNA TRICK IT OUT SO IT LOOKS GOOD. MY MOM IS BUYIN ME A SYSTEM SO I CAN HAVE SOME BEATS. I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS THEIR JULY 4TH WEEKEND, BUT BE CAREFUL AND DONT HURT YOURSELF OR ANYONE ELSE. TAKE IT EASY, PEACEOUT. ONE LOVE, THUG PASSION.

I just found out a lot of shit man. First off my mom has type 2 Diabetes and internal bleeding. My dad(real dad) is stayin on the streets of indianapolis and out of a shelter called Verizon House. My moms job is requiring her to travel from Monday to late Thursday night every week from now until she quits. So I will be at home alone all that time cause my brothers are both moving out too, and mom wants my step dad to travel with her so she is not alone or apart from eachother. And I also just found out that we are moving closer to Bloomington in a 4 br house, with an inground cement pool that goes to 10 ft deep with a diving board. It's suppost to be really cute says mom. I got to get up tomrrow and find a job cause I got hospital bills from when I cut my wrist and I just got pulled over today and got a 90$ ticket for speeding. But the cop was real nice cause I was honest with him when he asked if I knew how fast I was going. I was going 79 and I told him 75 or 80, he said I was the second fastest car he had pulled over today. I was going 79 in a 55 but he put 70 on the ticket. That was cool of him but it still sucks that I got a fuckin ticket. O Well. Oh yea my brother Justin is being recruted to the ARMY, and his kids Trevon and Adalicia are up here for the summer from Florida. So I get to hangout and spend time with them its awesome. Anyways, everyone be good and have a great summer vacation. -One Love

Hey everyone .. hope you are enjoyin life. I finally got a car so I am on the go 24-7. tryin to stay high, and enjoin time off from school. Yep that's right... I'm finally a fuckin SENIOR, one more year till I'm off to college.. guess I've made up my mind to go to IU in Bloomington. I can't wait to fuckin get my degree in Computer Science and get my Cisco Certification so I can get out on my own and be pimpin. Oh I just found out were movin cause my mom wants an "Executive" type of home so she can entertain. So I guess were movin in September. Things are startin to look good cause now that its summer I dont have to be at home with all my fuckin psycho family, I can chill out at my cousins house and relax and just be in an enviroment that everyone is just cool and clam and collected... so anyways, I hope everyone is enjoin there summer.. I think everyone should pretty much be out of school by now... SO take care of yourselves and be good. Love everyone. One Love.

Whats up everyone?.. I hope everyone is doin ok. LIfe has been fucked up like always. Nothin ever goes right and everyone in my life seem to be fake and I hate most of them. I hope shit get better for me once I get out on my own I just hope I can do it. I just want to be able to depend on myself and not my family. I want to fuckin run away from all their bullshit and just stay gone so long that when ever we see eachother again were complete strangers. I'm thinking about goin to an out of state college thatss sounds super tight! I hope something comes along and sweeps me off into a land of dreams and candy. So which of you think you can be my superman?

. I feel like shit dude.. I mean I feel like life sucks real bad. I hate being alone.. being alone always reminds me of people walking out of my life..you know the feeling when everyones cold, your stomach tightens up, and you feel like your going to puke. Your body's trembling, everything is slow, people are loud and you feel sort of seasick. were your fingers are red but cold and sweaty as if you were overheating. Well I feel like that I feel like straight shit. Today I took 6 Triple Cs(Skitles) after 2nd period and stayed fucked up all day long.. for only 4 bucks.. I was fuckin TRIPPIN BALLS though seriously. It was like payin 4 dollars to go to an all day TRIP PARTY, but the thing is I was at school on the shit dude.. and It was fuckin weird.. I couldnt even feel my fuckin feet touch the ground as I was walkin to lunch.. I put my head down to rest and I sat up in 4th period and that shit hit me so fuckin hard my whole body was completely numb. My mouth and eyes felt heavy, my arms and legs, I felt like I was melting sometimes.. but people kept tellin me my eyes were fuckin huge... It was crazy my pupils are dialated so much. That was a totaly kick ass trip...

I lost everything .. I just found out that my child is going to be a stil born and I'm no longer getting married.. The doctors did an ultra sound and there was no heart beat or signs of life.. so There isnt any Corbyn Wayne anymore and theres no wedding and all that bull shit... lifes changed on me again and right now my words are just .....nothing...... Its kinda like it all hasnt sunken in yet.. like Im so shocked I dont know how to handle it.. Its mainly my fault cause I knew I was having complications and I missed most of my appointments.. I feel like total shit and I've mad the choice to just go ahead and get him removed because theres no hope.. hes gone..

Hey ... hope everyone is having a good Easter. I miss alot of people and family members... life sucks, please everyone understand to think before making descions... cause you only have one life... and time goes fast... anyways B-days on April 6th... its gonna suck.. but what ever... i'm not worried.. I just wanted to wish everyone a good day. see ya . :(

I've been wondering what life would be like if I was to leave?.... ya know ... like who would care... who would show up to my funeral if I died.. or who would cry for help if they found me laying in my own blood with a razor blade in my hand?.... who would really care? Who would really sit and think I loved her why'd she have to do that? Its crazy to step back from the world and take a look of your life and the shit thats envolved... I dont know what my problem is but somewhere inside of my body inside of my head theres a dark place.. a really dark and derranged side of me that sometimes trys to escape but only on an occassion succeeds. I guess thats why I am considered to be a Psychotic person?... Humm I dont know.. maybe their right... hehehehe... I'm fucked.

WELL HELLO EVERYONE.. SORRY ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I'VE WRITTEN.. LOTS GOING ON YOU KNOW, LIFE IS VERY FAST PACED. I MISS EVERYONE, AND WOULD LOVE TO CHAT WITH YOU ALL! PLEASE E-MAIL ME AT BABY_FACE_FOREVER74@YAHOO.COM AND I WILL TRY TO STAY IN TOUCH.. RIGHT NOW IM AT SCHOOL AND THE BELLS GOING TO RING.. SO I HAVE TO GO BUT I LOVE AND MISS YOU ALL. LOVE ALWAYS APRIL MICHELLE

School started back today...had a half day! I am really actually excited to go back to school for two reasons and two reasons only... one- because I am taking college corses at ITT Technical Institute, I also earn transferrable college credits and highschool credits as well..... ok the second reason is because I only have this year and next year before I graduate from highschool! I will be the first kid in my family to graduate from highschool... which is another thing that determines me to graduate...My schdule seems really cool this year so I pray to God that things will work out for me and that I will do good again this year like i did last year!!! well I got to go.. take care everyone! Love April

Man guys... I'm scared shitless! I have to go back and visit the plastic surgen tomorrow. He is going to tell me weather or not I will ever be able to use my left hand again, for my entire life! I'm scared cause my arm isn't showing any progress, still numb with pain and as lifeless as a hooker after being raped, beaten, and killed.. ya know I never thought I had enough hate build inside to actually hurt myself, but who am I kidding right?... with as much shit as I deal with everyday it was bound to happen, especally since I don't have the heart to hurt anyone else this bad....it's weird ya know, I never asked for a fucked up life, it wasn't my choice or descion, but I end up in the end with more guilt and pain than I've ever imagined!... Everyday something new happens and I often find myself saying,"Damn, nothing could be worse", but in the end the pain and anger only continue to worsten.... what is my purpose?... Why do I always seem to end up alone at night?... and Why the fuck do I always feel so fuckin cold and empty?... see I tell myself I am a strong person, but would a strong person hurt themselves, would a strong person keep everything inside, and would a strong person have so many unanswered questions?...