Hey Brokeback Mountain is gay *giggle* I'm alive contrary to popular belief I'm just a real busy guy And frankly myspace kicks this sites ass i do miss talking like an intellectual member of society but sacrifices are made updates will be irregular, comment me if you'd like to talk

Dixie kicked katrinas ass Colin's listening to better music Life really isn't that bad Three cheers for living a life drug free Boooo for not being able to quit cigarettes yet

this diary was once so cool so progressive it died i will still come so i guess it isn't REALLY dead just kind of in a coma i wish i were in a coma will you put me in a coma please?

independence day sucked my birthday sucked but i got goood presents lots of new cds and an elph digi cam should i post pictures? or just let this diary die... decisions decisions... u decide, cuz i can't

im home im lonely someone comfort me please

i go to rehab tomorrow six fucking a.m. damn hazelden damn minnesota damn my love for drugs damn my inability to get ahold of dixie damn stupid parents damn this fucking world damn you be back in thirty days i love you all but i hate just you

psychotic break....medicine for bronchitis interferes with anti psychotic. delusions...i dont like this it went away and now it's back lady i the yellw cardigan hobbles when she walks, she is a disease she is a cloud of infection. she hobbles to hide the illness se spreads. The boy next to me isn't human he is inbred with rats and carniverous, wild, dogs...i ahte him th girl on my side.....her eyes her eyes no more. my muscles clench...i have tremors when i have breaks. first in my jaw backside, int he right socket, only when i yawn or extend my mouth wide, in retribution my jaw clenches hard, biting my tongue, blood is really there tracking device. i am serious about this forget the break the bood in my mouth is how they track me and i know this because it tastes like metal i have proof. buti know others cannot taste....then there are remmors in my hand making i hrd to type. i dont like these cuz they hurt....then the leg it jitters all the time on and on and on it shows ppl im "crazy" adn they try to help and i hate/love them to. im still in school cuz my leg isn't moving yet, i dont want to be here but if i complain they tsend me somewhere worse. my hands hurt and the girl with her eyes is burning the skin off my left arm....it smells horrible. someone's speakinggerman...not allowd, it's illegal, u can't speak german ppl will kil you.i warned them they dont listen....stop ...stopwhy is the world diagonal? why doe everything go to an angle..why can't i be straight, why do i lust when i love, my had hurts, girl with shiny boots.....walking away, dont touch me.....librarian asks me to got o nurse and is ay no she has a scalpel...where did she go? bi oeioke came....a classroom of ppl came in and they talk loudly...crasihng noises in my head no one likes those noises no one likes those noises. they keep librrian away...good....she asks questions and only i am allowed to do that otherwise it is illegal. i want someone to kill me do i now not because i hate life but because i am so nervous os nervous so nervous so anxious, so many guns pointed at me and so many knifes on my throat....i have to go to the nurse

i need to vent so deal, read or don't read. you've been warned fuck this....i can not honestly take much more of this. Figures i get one semi normal entry in and im already going to whine like a little baby. I DONT CARE I FEEL LIKE IT. im sixteen i'm not ready for all of this. thelove of my life is going to get over me soon and i can tell. i'm sorry dixie but im an asshole. i'm coldand im distant to you even though at night my heart screams out for you. i don't know what to say anymore, the thought of growing old and what not has faded into dust. I feel i've lost you already when the truth is i know it will not happen for awhile longer but it will happen. you'll find someone more permanent then me. im not ready for all this im not fucking ready, my parents have never been this bad never been so abusive as now never spit in my face and berrated me. I hate it all, i've never cut so deep, i haven't cut in as long as i can remember but i did today just to get my mind off of so much pointless shit. I need to get away i need to run i need to leave, but i can't. i wantmy drugs back they made me sharp they took me outta here they let me see the world again. i miss them and i want them back. i want sex to wtf happened to SEX i used to be a fucking whore and i dont care i want it all back i wnat my life back i've got years and it feels like it's already over it feels like everything has ended. Why is it that when i was a heathen when i was all these horrible thingsin the eyes of society things were ok, they had downfalls but mostly ok. now when im in love, when things were going ok when i was getting therapy and doing all the right things and now im dying, i lost my love, my parents are abusive and everything is just fucking up. im done whining, i'll stop being pathetic, and if neone thinks it's gross, or uncouthe to put this slobbering emo bullshit up on my diary tell me and i will promptly delete it. Farewell

hello again. My father is an asshole. He has never trusted me with his family or his property sense i was about 12/13. Even though i am his first born son and all. I went through a gothicy phase which i visit now and again because eyeliner is hot and big black pants are comfortable. i've also varied in suicide, drugs, love/lust wtih ppl he hates, horrible music in his eyes, a rough crowd, a lack of interest in boyscouts, a drive to never do yardwork, and various other thinsg that bother him incessantly. So in effect we don't ever really get along. Well this fine sunday morning i awake to my mother gently shoving my shoulder. I ask her quite politely "why the hell r u waking me up". She informs me my father is missing 700 dollars from his lock box and is enraged, he is currently getting grovery's but i had better get up to meet him with a clear head. She does this because she is aware like everyone else that my brother is the good child and i am the bad one, i did after all get a tumour he has to pay for (which he hates). So i have just enough time to throw on some clothes, splash water on my face and head (recently shaved i might add) and greet him at the door. now being the simpleton and occasional idiot i am i close the door behind me and say "dad can we talk somewhere privately?" he says ok we go to the laundry room while my brother hauls in groceries for my mom. Two steps inside the laundry room i say i didn't do it, BIG MISTAKE, you see my father hates lie's and even when im NOT LYING he assumes i am which pisses him off more. so he abruptly flew into a rage and punched our drier which made a rather frightening noise, then proceeded to come after me, now i dont move fast but when you see my dad comming at you, speed is relevant. So i took off and came to my room. which he miraculously kicked off it's hinges. Came in and tripped on a shirt i had on teh floor, in this i made it over my bead and almost got into the bathroom, but he decided HEY there's a lot of stuff in here to throw. So he threw my entire stereo unit at my head, he missed thank god and it flew into a million little pieces at the door. I'm a patient guy and had no problem locking the bathroom doors and grooming, i did need to clean my nails rather thoroghly. After a fit of yelling and kicking the doors (these doors are double the width thankfully) he left to go get drunk and work. I came out and the rest of my family had gone to the country club to golf. An hour or so later my dad came home, went to his room drunk as a skunk and we haven't talked sense, he did however punch one of my windows out. I hate my dad, i shouldn't have to be afraid of that asshole but sometimes i just am. And because of this i am listening to Korn Korn has saved my life more times then i can count on fingers and toes. Truely i have no idea if they are a good band or not, beecause it was the only CD i had when i was little. And when my parents were screaming at me, or when i was secretly lusting after a boy, or pretty much netime iw as sad or depressed i would listen to korn over and over and over..eventually i got the rest of there CD's. And even now when i own literally hundreds of CD's, different artists, genres, styles, and everything else. When i am depressed, when my dad has done something or everything just SUCKS i put on korn. just because it's instinct, they are my truely my favorite drug. And i know it's simply a coincidence it was korn, i mean if i had only had a britney spears CD it'd be the same. but now the very first CD i had ever owned was korn. Next was Savage Garden which i also listen to but only when i am lonely and/or feeling lost. Third was Third Eye Blind, i just plain love them, and read to them a lot. i dunno what else to write...but i dont really trust my emotional pallette right now so i'm sure i'll write again soon. lya....colin

It's been awhile sense i've updated, and i kno i made my rant about nerses not being here anymore but the truth is i woul dnever have any intention of truely leaving diaries. I just wrote in other ones instead of sitd, but i miss it here, this has always been my favorite diary ever. And this is what i have to write, this is what i have to say that doesn't go to people around me I'm dying... I have a brain tumor...can you believe it? a guy who hates soap oerhas so vehemently has a fucking brain tumor. Pounding headaches have been comming and going and causing me some pretty horrid days. Speech and hearing skills have been failing randomly as well. Doctors rushed me through tests one day while i had a ceisure in a god damn office. fuckers thought i had just migraines... The truth is i don't mind that much, they say i have roughly a year, maybe more if i keep up with all the shit they wantme to do, there are surgerys and all taht jazz to go along with it to. oh yay, i get to lose my hair. No one is for sure though no one has a damn clue. Half of um say i won't make it, surgery is pointless, the other half say surgery is the only think that'll save me. Either way i'm screwed. I get teh surgey then my parents pay and they go down a shit creek, and i get kicked out to die, they dont pay i deal i die. so to all of you who have been wondering ... why i've been so distant that is why. I've been going through every time i've hurt someone, or been hurt, or done something cruel, and without looking evil i'm beginning to realise i wasn't a bad person...i wasn't a bad person....i wasn't a bad person...i have to chant that a lot to keep the tears away. i'll keep on writing in this diary from now until i dont have computer access. I will NOT keep people posted on my condition, not on this diary at least, if you wanna know get to know me the person not me the blindpoet. this diary has made me happy more times then anyone really knows, and i'll keep writing about love interests, sexual trists and the good and bad times..just no diseases ok folks. Right now though i want to take a moment and say something public, and something special, to an extremely special girl in my life. imperfection...or dixie....is by far one of the best girls i've ever met. I love her with all my heart, and she's depressed because i've been distant lately, like sudeenly we're a million miles away. Which actually is kinda of true, we live in different states. We're in love though, or we were...i dont know how we are now. Either way it's my fault and i take full blame for this current situation. I just wanted everyone to know at once, i told my friends and lovers today and i'm posting it here as well. I'm so sorry dixie.....I want to be close again, it's just an extremely concious moment when they say those words, and it's been hard not to be a bit...drifty. Finally i love you all haha, seriously it's true, this diary has brought out so much in me it's impossible to count. Like i said i'm going to keep writing, happy things to. So until next time, c ya later guys... Your Love Style is Agape You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love. What's Your Love Style?

i kno i mad a rant about nerses and whta not but i felt a need to write down in an open diary to eveeryone who wants to know that I LOVE IMPERFECTION<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 she is the most wonderful person i've ever met, she's breath takingly gorgeous, and sweet as all can be, with a voice like songbirds and a caring attitude, i've been stricken by cupids arrow, and am falling rather quickly in love with this girl, and thats allfolks haha

for those of you who dont know, or wonder what's going on. I talked to scott, both scott's. both {nerses] the demi god i've learned to adore and care for, and the owner/creator/whatever of sit diary. i dont really know either one you can say, and im not going to tell you i do. i've never spoken to theowner scott, not until now when i lashed out at him in a fit of rage. Something i'm embarassed, but not sory about. Nerses though, i found his diary a while back, and instantly became obessed. the writing, the journals the everything was perfect. the fact that he pushed the envelope so far it made people cringe, was amazing. but what set him apart was that he didn't need to gloat, he didn't need to become an asshole, he didn't WIN anything. He was simply writing a diary. I dont know the entire truth, and im assuming i never will. Most of you can of course read the comment in the entry before this from scott the creator. but i spoke to scott (nerses) on aim and got something a bit different. things about a girl named sarah (creator scotts g/f) disliking te nature of nerses diary. im sure i'm causing more problems then anything, but then again i really dont think to many people care about mydiary, not like nerses..not like itw as. march 17 2005 was in my eyes the worst day sit diary has ever experienced, and i've only been here but a couple months. i hope that scott (nerses) decides to stay in touch with me through aim, or any other means, but im not sure about anything anymore. Respect for this site has always been utmost for me, even while reading such horrible horrible entrys about "g dawgs" and "britney spears" that whwen i found something i could cling to it made everything better, it died yesterday. i dont update very often myself, but i do check this every day at least 4 times now, usualy to see if nerses updated....now to see if he'll ever come back again. goodbye....and farewell

not really enraged, but sleep and kinda dumb, so this entire update will be a picture from a stupid quiz which i hate, but love because SLC punk is awesome You Are Stevo! Which SLC Punk are you? brought to you by Quizilla i win you lose good day and good night P.S. Nerses back, YAY!

Hello lady and gentlemen...excuse me....*pukes*...much better. i decided i would drink myself into oblivion the other night, and somehow had a college girl naked in my bed. dont kno how......just thought i'd mention it she was a good lay, even if i do lean a bit towards the gay side, it was nice to have a female again. i think they are warmer. again, dont kno why. so now today i am hungover, normally my cock keeps me through hangovers wanting to get out and find a hole. but it is now content, after a night of fucking a girl it never has to buy nething for it no longer feels a need to pull me around. i miss it i really can't make a good entry right now, my form of writing kind of sucks but im doing what i can. in case you're wondering the girl left without ever giving me her name, i assume i knew it at one point and just forgot. and i seriously hope i used some sort of protection. AIDS is something imconstantly paranoid about, actually any STD freaks me out. diseases should have a level of etiquette that says to stay away from genitals. at all times....bastards well frankly this is to much of a pain and i think im going to go and sleep for twenty more hours. i'll write when the bells in my head stop clanging, and the voices start whispering. until then tata

To answer a friend of mine, no....pubic hair is not sexy. But the problem is NO pubic hair is also not sexy, it is truely a predicament. Now it's entirely different between the sexes, we'll start with guys first. Now you're getting hot and heavy with the kute boy with the upturned collar n before u kno his pants are down and your on ur knees in front of him. Now a large bushy mess is quite repelling, in fact i wont move on from that state unless they are really hot, the other extreme being completely shaven/waxed i mean ALL gone. this also is in a way gross, the skin looks .... disturbing and un natural and reminds me all to much of show and tell at recess in about 4 grade. so the best thing for guys to do is trim, keep it tidy just like a hair cut. keep it level and straight, keep it non smelling and combed even. a slong as it's there but not overbearing all is well in the world of men. Now for womens turn. A whole world of possibilitys in my eeys, now when im talking about pubic hair im jjust talking about in the pants, girls of course can have problems with hair on legs, upper lip, armpits whatever, i am not a fan but some men are. Now the point of in the pants is close to the mens, can't have a bush but SOME women can pull off the clean shaven and some can't. It truely depends on what it looks like down there, also landing strips, V's and neatly trimmed are always exceptable. Now the shitty part is for women taht in my eyes if the guys got something wrong with it there are ways around, for girls if it is overbearingly bushy all is lost. i will not eat, i will not finger, i will not fuck. im sorry that's just the way the cookie crumbles. Now on to something else....but what? hmm ok the fact that straight guys believe all gay/bi boys are sluts and our sole purpose in life is to suck there cock. now the thought does cross ones mind if they are hot. But i am tired of 300 pounds linebackers who just want to get off into something warm and wet tell me to get on my knees. I'll simply tell you the story of today So im sitting at the lunchroom casually reading through a book and listening to the few girls chatter around me, only girls sit next to me, not that i mind they are hot. When out of apparently nowhere four members of the football team come over and demand the girls leave, now being hot but being seen with the "fag" cancels there opportunitys out so wanting to impress the boys they leave. Not a good sign, i'm of course preparing fora pummeling, a beating, who knows maybe i'll get to gouge this fuckers eyes out with a spork. now the kute one, the ONLY kute one, starts off kind of shifty saying this, "so...ur the one that likes boys AND girls right?" yes of course i am, adn this went on for awhile. Finally i asked him (this was after ten minutes of confirming i do in fact like boys) what he wanted...he said a blowjob. now like i said this is the only kute boy on the team, and it spiked my interest. unfortunately he noticed me checking him out and back handed me across teh cheek. enough to get the point across, not enough for me to retaliate (he'll win unless i've got big bruises). he continued to say no, the "nose guard" hadn't been laid lately and they wanted him to get off before the next practice so he could avert his full attention. I said no, and yet another back hand. He said i frankly didn't have a choice in teh matter that they would haul me down and plug my nose and shove it in my mouth if they had to. I told them i'd cut there balls off....which thankfully there is a rumour going around that after an attempted rape i cut off a boys balls, the truth is i kicked him rather viciously and one ruptured. nowthe one sitting next to me (the kute one and his friend were on the other side) had slowly pushed mein closer and closer, to the walli lean on. It was then i realised this was the one they were talking about. I looked over...and frankly if he lost about 60 pounds, grew some decent hair on his head, and worked on his acne he might be ok. unfortuantely in his present state he was not. i said no, and he put his hand on my thigh...i let it slide, until he started rubbing up closer towards my cock, which is about when i thought i could headbutt a "noseguard" yea i bled he sat there looking dumbfounded. then angry, the other two laughed and said they could do this in private, or right there. I said privately, they said to meet in the locker room, after next period. Which of course gave me enough time to report them adn get them all in abit of hot water. Unfortunately i thought the embarssment wiould be enough. I was wrong. at the end of the day they grabbed me and brought me to the locker room i so tenaciously avoid. there iw as stripped, naked, and he took off his clothes while his buddys laughed at the fact that i was bigger then he, or at least more well endowed. well after i sat there rather pissed snarling at the kute one, they advanced and beat me down to the ground, i can fight yes but not these two at the same time, before i knew it i had a black eye and some pretty messed up ribs, they naturally left my lips alone...assholes. so now i was held rather roughly in between the big guys knees with his cock at full mast, he looked embarassed but ready to do it. so after a bit of bitching i had my head shoved down into his balls, a not so pleseant smell and said he'd hold me theretil i opened up and started licking. naturally i did after awhile, its a lot easier to jus let it happen. i licked his balls for awhile then after he started getting into it i sucked his cock, wasn't so bad i jus imagined the other guy, i spit his cum in the kute guys face who then proceeded to smack me hard. well after all was said and done, they paid me.....a LOT 1200 bux, which if they'd said in the first place i would have done willingly. that was to keep quiet of course. Which i didn't, i got all of um expelled....sept the kute one. never expell the kute ones.

What the hell do they think. People who can't quite write, they are in my eyes a sad case of people. I kno at times i can't fully understand my emotions for feelings but when that happens it is an apocolyptic event for me. others seem to base there entire life around it...idiots. such people who write entrys as such OMFG SO UBER AWESOME OMG I WENT N SAW IS CONCORT 2DAY. NO THING TO RITE BOUT 2DAY. BYE I dislike people who MAKE a diary and then UFCK IT UP. damnit i'm on a mission cuz today SUCKED therefore someone on this site will feel the fiery wrath of colin. woe the day fool, woe the freaking day btw i had a rather esoteric and interesting entry planned. Anger and lack of drugs has clouded my judgement, please contribue as much money as possible to the "clear colins mind with drugs and alcohol" fund. to donate simply contact me i'll set up a bank account. thank you

How to make a Colin Ingredients: 3 parts success 3 parts arrogance 3 parts instinct Method:Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add caring to taste! Do not overindulge! Username: Personality cocktailFrom Go-Quiz.com im sure many of you (or none depending on how large my ego is) are curious as to how my trip went. well lets go over the basics i spent it with my dad who i dislike, u could almost say loathe. yes i think that's the appropriate word. neways within ten minutes of arriving on the island i had enough pot and coke to kill off a small army. albeit a very happy small army. so i started my days with a splif, a snort, and a scotch. something i think we should all do, end war, and is a hell of a lot better then foldgers ever was. so i spent most of my time at the open air bar drinking myself into an absolute stupor and having a glorious time having completely unknown and random sex. one of the highlights being when i ordered a blowjob. now a blowjob is a shot, so i got my drink picked it up and by the time i slammed it back down there were three girls and two boys wrestling my pants to the ground trying to enact the more literal meaning of the term. now i say boys and girls not men and women because you see i think the average age was about 15. any of you who know me know that yes i am only 16 but you'd never guess it, not from my looks, not from my attitude. so most of the bar now thinks there's a thirty year old pimpingn out there teens. i practically glowed in there hatred, twas a beautiful thing. so by the first night iw as coked, stoned, drunk, and fucked into an absolute state of wellbeing. euphoria, nirvana, a state of absolute transcendency was reached at roughly 2:15 in the morning wednesday morning. i remember that moment perfeectly. i had snorted four lines of high grade coke, smoked a handful of joints with a sassy lil slut named Terry, she's 14 and a half and had never had sex before me, needless to say she no longer has that stepping stone to deal with. in fact, she's quite kinky. gets into bondage, although we had to improvise with bedsheets and clothing the effect was rather arousing. we had sex, or better yet i fucked every orifice i can think of without hurting her to much. now this was not 2:15 now she was the appetiser, now onto the main course. a BOY yes thats right, a hottie named Luke. jus a month older then me, looked to be a lot younger though. he'd been openly gay in his home state of nevada for about two years and frankly his community disapproved. so i flashed some interest, and a few minutes later we were naked and rolling around in what had been an impromptu bondage setting just half an ahour before. he was nervous at first, didnt want it to hurt or nothing. which is probably good because i went slow and he still squealed like he was a pig. beautiful....just beautiful. i let him fuck my mouth, he tasted sweeter then usual which fascinated me. after awhile though he was sore and spent and i was still needing just a bit more release, so i shooed him outta the room and off to bed saying he needed rest and iw as going to get some sleep. so after making out for just a few more minutes at his door and seeing him to bed i made my way to the disco finding something i've never had before. twins.....not just ne twins......boy and girl twins. they were beautiful. greek gods and goddesses, appeared to be chisseled outta marble beautiful. it was work, hard work. fliritng with one then the other it was neraly imposssible to keep them near each other but by damn i was going to pull through. after awhile though (and lots and LOTS of alcohol) they were trashed enough to consider comming back to my room. i mentioned cocaine and that was the final kicker. we did a couple lines together, and asked if i could snort something off of Liz's chest (the girl) she blushed said no...then decided why not. and big brother got a fucking hard on. what a freak. but it worked to my advantage. my radar beeped like the zeppelin was floating towards me and instantly pointed out his recent rigamorits. he was ashamed and nearly bolted right there, so i asked if maybe i could see it....jus to compare. now this didn't go the way i had hoped, him shly pulling it out and us moving on. no he got angry, QUITE angry, saying he wasn't "some fucking fairy boy" and didn't want some other guy seeing his stuff. now i was apalled my plan hadn't worked, but this is where the fates show themselves. his sister (liz again) was the one who saved the situation without even knowing it. she said "so...chris, you dont care if your sister sees your stuff, but your worried about another guy?" and that was it, that was my opening. if he wanted to lay with his sister, he was going to have to lay with me, so with some quicck pointed sentences i got us into a three some. i started her off to get her going and then let him do his thing with her while inching my cock slowly past his lips. he wasn't keen to the idea, i could see it in his eyes, but he was so enamored of his sister it really didn't matter and before ya know it this straight boy was sucking my dick like a pro. marvelous. simply marvelous. she wanted to see him fuck me so after a bit of nudging i layed on top of her fucking rhythmically and he slowly entered me from behind. she came repeatedly, multiple orgasms has nothing on that girl, and he eventually came, and ifnally i finished. i layed there with two beautiful people, one of each sex..from the same fucking lineage in my arms that night. the clock struck 2:15, i was spent of all sexual energy, i had jus commited an act that even makes me go "whoa" and i finally had something to write about in my sit diary. oh what a glorious moment it was i've got work to do though, i'll write more soon, till then tata, and remember kids, nethings possible with the right sentence, the right drug, and the right sister.

hello loyal readers. sorry about the lack of updates lately it's been a rough while. a boy i like is gone forever, and girls suck. and.....im in a slump. what does that mean you might ask? well in common terms it means I NEED SEX. i made out with a girl at a part a couple days ago but that's it. and that isn't nearly enough for your one and only blindpoet now is it? *sigh* i believe i've become slow, dimwitted, and am losing my beloved sarcasm. there just doesn't seem to be anything to write about. so i've come to worry that without sex i also lose my ability to write. i haven't written poetry, i can't write in diaries, i can't even write a freaking short story. and it is aggravating. oh and i have the flu.... next week, on wednesday im going to jamaica, and i KNOW FOR A FACT i will have a drug induced orgy at least seven times, so i'll have material for weeks to come. until then. much love

this is the story of my new years. i planned the night for a girl i love and myself. now im not going into it til a later entry but the last couple of days have PISSED ME OFF. neways tonight was supposed to me her and i jus cuddling kissing and being together cuz we never get to. but no....her foster parents left to get drunk and she couldn't leave and ic ouldn't go over to her becuz i "would get her another damn kid" in the words of her uncle. so instead i spent the night ALONE COMPELTELY FUCKING ALONE without neone around but my good friend dixie, i love that girl. but that was over then net, so wtf i was really alone here. so after spending the entire night alone i call her at midnight, half crying half in a SERIOUS RAGE and say hey baby i love you and happy new years. this was her response "omg imso damn tired".............................."oh i love you to hapy new years, but im gonna go to bed night" so i spent ALL THIS MOTHER FUCKING TIME PLANNING FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL. so now im in a full bent out rage hang up and start throwing shit EVERYWHERE so half the shit here is broken and i became what i used to be, ONE PISSED OFF SON OF A BITCH WHO DOESN'T CARE WHO YOU ARE AS LONG AS YOU HAVE A FACE I CAN BREAK. so now my FUCKING PARENTS come home with some drunk bitch who wont leave so they decide OH WILL GET HER MORE DRUNK so then being stuck in my room PISSED OFF AND UNABLE TO BREAK SHIT OR SCREAM. so i move on until i find out i have to pick up my little brother from his party so i go out there trying to find the fucking house that is in the middle of fucking nowhere. i get there pick him up start driving, he's friend is in the back seat. he's int he passenger front. he's sniffling holding back tears i go WHAT THE FUCK ISGOING ON NOW and his friend goes "oh this chick wanted to fight someone and beat the fuck out of him" so now im enraged to the point of screaming obscenities i dare not repeat. i turn around in the middle of the street to go back and scream at the dumb bitch wench who would hit my fucking brother and give him a black eye. now he goes "no man please turn around jus please" so now im pissed at him "WHAT THE HELL SHE BEAT YOU AND UR JUST GOING TO SIT AND CRY GET ANNNNGRY" and he whimpers and says no u dont understand jus go home NO ONE HAS YET TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT HAPPENED. i get home someone has decided to beat my mailbox to an absolute pup so now im screaming in the middle of my street so pissed off and grab it and bring it in and chuck it across the kitchen and say HERE YA GO FOLKS THERES YOUR FUCKING MAILBOX WOOO GO NEW YEARS and my dad laughs. i could have beat his face in at that very moment. he took the dumb lady home happy to have an excuse to get rid of her, my mom is tyring to "calm me down" and all i wanna do is rip the door off the hinges and go on a killing spree. i've never felt rage like this in at least..three years. and if one mother fucker fucks with me the rest of the night i will beat there face to an absolute pulp. ok...my rage has ebbed a bit in being able to spill this all out, because u see, everyone onf my friends is drunk or asleep and wont talk to me, so i need something to let this all out. i promise to come back and explain all this or at least apolgise for the obscenities LATER not now. goodbye I AM 22% EMO!Okay... so I'm not emo at all.. I am probably not even goth, because goths are just messed up emo kids... I am probably a metal head... or into boy bands...Take the EMO test at Fuali.com

have you ever felt there was no point staying awake, no reason to go to sleep, and then come to the conclusion there's just no point in being at all? i wan to press pause, not save the game, and jus rip the whole thing outta the wall. start over from the very beginning without neone or nething. i dont wann die i jus dont want to me this nemore. fuck this fuck this fuck this. i am what i am and i dont like me. im not emo, im not goth im just fucking dead.