Feeling Guilty

by piecesofapril
I don't know I guess I wanted to write today because I am feeling like shit. Is it crazy that when ever I start to laugh or plan a good time out with friends or family that I start to feel guilty. I feel guilty because My dad is dead and I shouldn't be having fun, or laughing... I shouldn't be able to continue living my life, and I should go around acting like nothings wrong when everything in life is. I try to do things that take away the pain, but when I do these things I feel guilty. I know my daddy would want me to live my life happily and with out pain. But man.. it hurts. It hurts to know that I can't ever hear his voice again, or hear him play the gutiar, or listen to his crazy stories when he's drunk off his ass. He wont be able to see me graduate this year, or give me away at my wedding, see or hold my kids, NOTHING. Everything we ever planned to do together, the way he would brag to everyone familyfriends that I was his baby girl and how smart I was and how successful I was going to be. My dad was proud of me, and he let it be known that I was his daughter... I love you daddy so much, I mean and you'll never be able to know just how much you meant to me, cause I never had a chance to explain that to you... and now your gone... and God daddy I miss you so much. I miss you deep in my soul, and it sucks cause I know theres nothing I can do about it. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you or did anything to make you mad. You know your my pops and I'm your one and only baby girl. FOREVER. NO MATTER WHAT.
Read 6 comments
Your pops is smiling down on you and still very proud of you. He's not there to tell it to you all the time but you'll notice him in the wind or in the way the snow falls or whatnot. If you've seen A Walk To Remember, there's a line where they say that her love was like the wind. You could see it or touch it but you could feel that it was there. That's how he'll be for you from now on. I know I don't know you and this may not be a comfort but you
...you can be happy and you can go out and start to have fun again. You know he'd want that and it's not gonna somehow offend him if you do go out with friends. Maybe just try it slowly because it will be hard and you probably will feel guilty for a while but it won't make him love you any less to see you laughing even though he's not around. I hope things get better for you. If you ever need to talk, I can be here for you.
Sure, I can give you codes or anything that you want for your diary. And I'm here for you if you ever need anything as well. I'm Julia by the way. And I don't think you need to feel guilty because your dad is gonna love you just as much if you have fun. I'm sure he'd love to see you smile.
I'd love to keep in touch with you. I'm glad that I helped a bit and that maybe it gave you some comfort. I'm here whenever you need me.
Hey April. I'd love to be added onto your friends thing. I'll put you on mine too if that's okay. And I'll also work on getting those codes together for you. Then I'll just post them in my entry and tell you how to use them and whatnot. Hope things are getting better.
Hey, I added you to my friends list too. Thanks for the comment. Let me know how you're doing.