what is pity worth for anyway. it will by me a cheap ticket to the detation where i will need to purcahse another to return with less of myslef than i left with. the acknowledgemeant of this is som much less perfection and so much more depiration that it is hard to say exactly what it is that is bothering me so deeply. never to return here to see what it is they've said about you, i wish i could make this more accessible but hten it would be less direct. the poignent stigma of being found to be everything that htey despise smells sweet to me since what they prefer is slavery and condemnation of those who strive to be eternally free. maybe this is just to heavy to deal eith here and i should find some healthier form to express my htoughts. i'm not for sure if anyone read this they will understand exactly waht is thats tormenting to the point of picking up this metaphorical pen and paper hooked into outlets and run through cable line or satellites but not phone lines this is the 20th century for humanities sake. could this be any of a slower way to look for what it is thats been inside of us all along. i hope you get well soon but htere really is no guarntee any of us will. i'm flaing the critetria to be sexy seductive and mysterious in my words because there so much more forward than what yu wan tform me. i dont mean to be this strong but if you could see my face in a still photograph i'm sure it could place all the trust in you you need not to feel afraind. these entries are falling away faster than i can type one everyday but thats not so heart brekaing as waitng to come to the realization of what my become of us. dont pay attenion to this if its to abstract or clear to comprhend the spaces we've shared seem cheapened by your presence and the world keeps getting to be a smaller and smaller place. dont read tis unless you plan on judging, iguess that has come a little late but its worth everything you would never forsake to give it up on move on from here. so lets talk about what it si you want to hear because i'm here for me not you.