confused states of order. i 've lost where i've begun but somehow i know that it is embedded in my soul like a compass. i once again watch teachers crush all the independant thoughts out of students. if you dont fit this mold, if your not doing as your told than you must be stopped from enlightening yourself or anyone else. non threating to the dominating desires stay unrepremanded others who are allowed to do what they want as they give the illusion that they are doing what they are told. not really an illusion it is. it is blatant but since i am blatant about not putting on the facade to begin with i must be dealt with so that the this lack of respect for bogus wannabe authority doesnt spread to the other students. when i am working on the problems of the world on page i am not allowed and must get off the computer and told to sit in silence. when i open my bag and remove the same paper in hard copy i am allowed to finish is this because of my determinism? now today as i come to class content to sit in unaffecting silence i am no longer allowed. my thoughts must be disrupted because if you cant live by arbitrary standards you are not allowed to live of thinks at all. fill my time with useless activites all ready sceduled to be finshed on time.