I isolated myself during a time when the last thing I needed was to be alone. I starved myslef of EVERYTHING. (My heart is probably skinnier than my wrists.) This isn't a confession; it's an admittance of stupidity. I know now what it means to be lost, loved, forgotten, hated, blessed, mistreated, misunderstood, intoxicated, cheated, dirty... For reasons not even known to me, I was suddenly gifted with a new sense of clarity that I'm sure is only fleeting... as it is with every such instance. Everything about my life is temporary, and it could change insignificantly or drastically at any moment. This is what I have come to realize... But where is there clarity in that? Where is the stability of youthful enchantment that once numbed my brain of any stress, confusion, or misery? I seek it now as if my life is dependant on its capture. I found it once already but soon lost it. Fuck. It was elevation beyond sugar domes and cotton candy clouds... beyond skyscraper popsicles and winged gummy bears. I saw what once was and what always will be... it just won't be mine. We'll just play outside in the heat all day long, and at night we'll go downstairs and cool off in the basement. We can listen to soft, electronic music to calm our aching bodies down. It will be outer space all over again... I promise.