Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding - Proverbs 3:5.

there are no words to express how much i respect mykel and how thankful i am to God that he has put us together. all of the worries, and regrets, and anger, and resentment that was left behind from patrick has been completely washed away and filled with an incredible, meaningful relationship of understanding, happiness, communication and compromise. and never have i related to a guy so well because we're so much alike. *sigh* i'm so happy. God bless! ♥manda

:) God bless

* God never ceases to amaze me. i am just in awe of the way that He works in my life & the lives of those around me. * this week is so much busier but so much better. i have a feeling it will be much easier for me to make it through. and mykel is so wonderful. i can't even begin to explain how happy he makes me or how much i feel for him. and he's got God in his heart and i'm just so blessed to be able to see that and it's just so wonderful. the time i spend away from him is just as important to me as the time i do get to spend with him, and it just makes those moments all the more special. i'm not saying i don't miss him, of course i do. i am, however, learning not only how to cope, but also how to have a true relationship which i have never before in my life experienced. :) take care guys. love & God bless! ♥manda

When the rain comes it seems that everyone has gone away When the night falls you wonder if you shouldn't find someplace To run and hide Escape the pain But hiding's such a lonely thing to do I can't stop the rain From falling down on you again I can't stop the rain But I will hold you 'til it goes away When the rain comes you blame it on the things that you have done When the storm fades you know that rain must fall on everyone Rest awhile It'll be alright No one loves you like I do When the rain comes I will hold you ********************************************* this week has been very emotional and difficult to bare. i've been thinking a lot about eldon, and i know i can't change it and i know it's happened for a reason and i thank God for that...it's still been tugging pretty hard at my heart this week though. lots of crying and yearning for the unreachable. i wish i could have been there yesterday for see you at the pole. daniel went to the middle and high school with his guitar and they had worship songs and testimonies and just some awesome fellowship yesterday morning. i can't express how much i longed to just be standing there next to heather and taking part in that. it hurts. it hurts that i can't be there for them every time something major happens in their lives. it hurts that i don't think i have time to call and talk to them because i'm not getting enough sleep as it is. the only thing holding me back from being mad is that i know it's God's will. it's SO hard not being able to see mykel every week. when i'm with him in eldon it feels like everything is perfect. all my cares go away and i'm so happy...until the day i know i have to come back. then i have to readjust and rely on my coping mechanisms - stress out and put more focus on homework and school so i don't have to think about the fact that it might be 2 weeks before i get to see mykel again. or that it'll be another month until i get to see my friends and eldon. but this week it didn't work, i wasn't able to fill the gap with school. it keeps getting harder and harder. i just need to stay close to God and rely on his strength instead of my own. i was hoping more than anything that mykel could come up this weekend..of course i always get my hopes up before i know if he can or not for sure. it's just natural. and considering the week i've had emotionally i thought i really needed him here. but God knows otherwise and i'm not one to argue with Him. so maybe next weekend.

where is the autumny sweater-weather that i love oh so much?

*the crowd was gettin a little too rowdy at last night's game. it was kinda scary. but it's just a game...not going to change the course of our lives or anything. i guess i'm just passive like that. *shrugs* *i miss mykel :( lol...well of course i do, that goes without saying. i'm goin shopping for his b-day present today b4 work! i sure hope i can find something for him.....guys are so hard to shop for. wish me luck! *i love you guys! take care & God bless!!! ♥manda p.s. if you've got a comment to make that's fine & i appreciate them, but please don't be rude about it...after all this is my diary and i'm not making you read it. thank you!

there is no word for the mood i am in. it's absolutely inexplainable. eldon was amazing, night light was amazing, mykel is amazing, God is amazing. how can you possibly feel so much for one other person? *the stars* i stared up into the night sky and was overwhelmed by God's awesomeness. he has changed me so much. without him i am nothing. our team won 4th place overall at night light. God has shown me that you really have to just bare all of life's hardships in order to appreciate life more. i would undoubtedly take so much for granted had i stayed in eldon. it makes life harder, but God is there to help me through it. i'm completely stumbling over myself. i can try to express my feelings but i know i will never achieve it. love you guys. take care & God bless!!! ♥manda

hey all! sorry i haven't updated in forever. my focus has been torn in several different directions and this just wasn't one of them i guess. school is insanely difficult, but i think i'm learning to cope. i just have to try and keep up with everything and not slack off at all. ♥ tomorrow is mykel and my 2 month. i'm goin down there sat.-mon. and i'm SO happy. it just feels like i'm living 2 different lives. one full of school and obligations and society, and one that makes me truly happy with God and mykel and friends and family. bleh...i'm so tired. i must get more sleep! cheerleading wore me to the bone today. i think we're doing well though so i'm really glad they're working us so hard. it's what we need to improve. well i need to keep going on my hw. but i love you guys and hopefully i'll be back pretty soon. take care & God bless! ♥manda

is anyone else's friends list completely erased? :( that kinda stinks. lol.

i have hit at an all-time peak of happiness. it's not necessarily just one extremely happy moment, but the fact that i feel content practically all the time. obviously nobody is ALWAYS bursting with happiness, but i just find so much joy in everything. i'm so excited to finally be growing in my faith. it feels awesome! i got my a.p. literature homework done. rock on!! i'm so excited :) that's going to be a tough class..yipes! but...i'm going to eldon tomorrow after cheerleading practice. i'm totally psyched! i made puppy chow for mykel. lol. and i got him a card from target (best place to shop ever) that says "here...is not nearly close enough to there" - i thought it was cute. he's so wonderful to me i just thought i could do something little for him. my sister got a card for ryan that says something along the lines of "i want to spend some time with you...what are you doing forever?" just the cutest stuff ever. anyways...i have to work today so i'd better get goin on some stuff before i have to leave. love you guys tons! take care & God bless, ♥manda

orientation is tomorrow? are you kidding me??? that is CRAZY!!! where did the summer go? bleh..if you can't tell i'm definitly not ready for school to start again. i suppose i have no choice though. i'm almost done with the l.a. homework. i'm working on it right now actually. lol. if i get it done before wednesday (and i will at the rate i'm going) then i'm goin down to eldon one last time before school starts. b/c after school starts mykel's gonna have to be doin a lot of driving up here. it's gonna be fun kids let me tell ya. well i'd better keep on working, but i'll update later. love you all & God bless! ♥manda

God is just working in so many ways in my life right now. i absolutely adore every second of it. things with mykel are going better than i ever had intentions for. for the first time i can comfortably share my faith with the person i'm going out with and they also give me encouragement from theirs. i'm not saying that things would be so wonderful if God weren't involved....because they wouldn't. but He is involved..He's the center..and even though i have to be reminded of that sometimes it's the best relationship i've ever had. i just got back from eldon. i miss him and this is going to be really hard...but not impossible. i bought a new bible! it's in the new living translation. i'm so excited b/c it has a concordence and great verses to memorize and great books of the bible and whatnot. plus i got a case for it. i can't wait to learn more. :) take care guys & girls! love & God bless you, ♥manda

he makes me SO incredibly happy. i'm ecstatic. things are just so great with him. like i've never had very many boyfriends because i've always believed that there's no point in going out with someone unless you could see yourself getting married to them one day. i'll admit, i've dated a couple of guys that i regret b/c i knew while we were dating that there would be no future between us, but with mykel i just feel a definite possibility. i know i know this sounds really stupid because we haven't been together long and i'm not saying i will marry him, i'm just saying the pieces of the puzzle fit in place and it all makes sense right now. his family is wonderful, he's from eldon, he's already practically part of the family according to my sister. and we understand each other. he's a quiet person just like me so when there's silence it's not awekward..we don't even have to be talking and it's still comfortable. and i don't feel like i have to prove myself to him. and he's so determined when he wants to be, plus he never gets mad. when he gets frustrated it's not for long and nobody can ever stay mad at him. he's so easy going and fun to be around. he's always smiling and laughing. he doesn't cuss, or at least he doesn't around me which is wonderful. and he's excited about going to church and learning more. lol....i didn't realize i would ramble on this much in this entry but there it is. i know long distance things are hard....hah you'd think i'd know it by now so ya don't have to tell me....but to me he's totally worth the distance, plus it's eldon so i have ambition to visit anyways. lol. the only thing that's going to make it really hard is school and hw and cheerleading and work, plus i'm going to start volunteering at the vet's office :D i'm excited but i'm scared about time management. God will take care of everything as He see's fit though if i just give it to him. i guess i'm gonna keep working on my l.a. homework so i'll be done before school starts. love you guys tons! leave some kind words :) God bless ya! ♥manda

yesterday was absolutely one of the best birthdays i ever remember having..... it was the last day of cheer camp and previously in the week i had tried out for a jumping competition called "top gun jumps". little did i know when i tried out that i would make it to finals on the last day and win. it was the most amazing feeling. just thinking about it makes me cry. i almost didn't try out in the first place b/c i didn't think i was good enough but my coach and the other girls on my squad were really encouraging and supportive. thanks guys!!! so not only did our squad do awesome at camp which made my bday great already, i was missing mykel like crazy and he drove up to my house and stayed the night thursday night w/ my sister here and then sat around by himself until i got home around 3:00. how amazing can you get? i know it's still early in the relationship and all but already i've never felt this way about anyone. even with patrick there was so much resentment that kept it from being genuine. so my mom, dad, matt, ashley, mykel, and i all went out to applebee's to have a birthday dinner (megan's in eldon). i had a grilled chicken caesar salad (highly recommended!). it was really nice just to have mykel there to kind of bond with my family a little more. well, my dad always asks a new guest to pray before dinner so last night that was mykel. i don't know why but i was nervous for him b/c i wasn't sure if he'd know what to say. i don't give him enough credit though. you can always tell where someone is in their relationship with Christ by the way they pray. i just couldn't stop smiling after that. he really is being sincere about this. after dinner he and i went to blockbuster and rented Hitch. he had to leave at 9 though b/c as i'm typing this he's driving with his mom & dad to arizona for a week of vacation. but we took some pics before he left so here's some of me and him..... gosh things are just SO awesome right now. i love it. i definitly feel a year older just because i've matured so much since last year. and it's a conscious maturity which makes it all the better. i'm just so blessed for everything and everyone! i love you guys! thanks so much for being there for me and for your words of encouragement! God bless you all!!! ♥manda

hey all!! i just got back from eldon...i was there for about 4 days this time. it felt soooo wonderful. things started out kinda shaky when i got down there but everything worked out just fine.................. as soon as i got down there i drove to heather's house, where i was staying, and then started driving to mykel's house. first i decided i needed to fill my car up, though, so i got gas at the station near mykel's house and when i came back out after i paid and tried to turn my car on it wouldn't start. it was an aweful feeling let me tell ya. then mykel and his dad came and rescued me....God's lookin out for me :) and i had to buy a new car battery which wasnt' cheap but it could have been much worse and at least my car works now! things are going so great with mykel. he makes me so happy...things couldn't be more perfect. right now we see each other about every 2 weeks, which, i won't lie, does get really hard. but seeing him just makes it all worth while. he might come up friday and see me for my birthday, but we don't know yet. i'll be getting home from camp kinda late so i guess we'll just have to see. i have to admit...i'm not quite as excited about camp as i've been in the past. i don't know what's the matter with me. it just hasn't been the #1 thought on my mind lately. i'm still excited, but it hasn't hit me that i'm going in 2 days...that's just weird. my sister and ryan got a puppy. she's 25% beagle, 25% pitbull, and 50% rottweiler. her name is maddy and she's just the cutest little thing ever! well i guess that's about it for me kids. i love you all. God bless ya!!! ♥manda

*things have been wonderfully emotional lately. i spent a wonderful week and 2 days in eldon. that's my vacation for the year. no complaints here. i stayed with heather most of the time, and with hannah the rest. i got to see my horse, bonita, and show her off to the fam. my dad approves and is very excited about the whole thing. lol. he was all decked out in his cowboy boots & hat & couldn't have been happier. he and my mom took the trailor and peewee (his horse) down to enon and spent the weekend there. *i got to see a lot of mykel, which was wonderful. i don't know how to describe our relationship. things always start off fast & then we have to be reminded to slow down...which i'm very lucky for. i'd have a pretty sticky mess on my hands if i didn't have loved ones to tell me what i'm doing wrong. i'm learning to fully rely on God no matter what i want. it's a long process and a difficult thing to learn. you just gotta put aside your pride and personal wishes. *i had a safe but sorrowful trip home from eldon tuesday morning. that week really spoiled me. i miss it so much. i'm homesick for high point softball games, smiling faces, southern accents & country music, fields of grass that stretch for miles, and a night sky so dark the stars shine through with ease. *i spent my 4th of july at high point watching fireworks sitting next to mykel and "singing" karyoke with my sister...i just lip synched. lol. she did a great job though! heh. *i do miss it all so much and i am homesick...but i'm happy to see that there were several people who said they missed me up here which i wasn't at all expecting. maybe i get along up here alright after all. take care guys..thanks for everything. love you & God bless! ♥manda

this summer is absolutely amazing thus far. i give it 2 thumbs way way up! :) *God bless* ♥manda

*eldon was amazing...yet i had the urge to come back home b/c i knew there would be something waiting for me when i got back... -my sister got a new car..she's very excited. with good reason though, it's cute and looks like it'll be a good first adult car for her and future kids. *i'm apprehensive to share anything about guys right now. everything seems to be changing quickly and i'm afraid to post feelings that could possibly quickly change. i do know one thing though, my faith grows stronger every day and i can't imagine my life without God. *i watched an amazing documentary about one of the girls that was killed in the columbine shooting. her father spoke in a church about the amazing story. she knew, was absolutely positive, that God had a purpose for her and that purpose was to die. she knew it, she embraced it, she loved God unconditionally and gave her life for Him. it really put things into perspective for me. life is so short...we're just here on vacation until we go home~we're just too caught up in the world to realize that there's something a billion times better waiting for us. *i realized in the past 2 days just how immature i am. i've always thought of myself as a very mature individual but it seems i've been fooling myself. things are changing and i like it. *i'm over patrick. well...working on it but i'm getting much closer. i don't understand how i could have been so blind. he's such a jerk and i fell for it. i'm glad he was though. now i know i don't have to put up with so much crap from a guy to be completely in like and for him to like me back. and i finally realize it wasn't meant to be. thank goodness. *i really do have a new appreciation for my sister. God knew what he was doin when he put us together. *cheerleading practice today was truly great. i feel like it's all off to a good start already. honestly though, i haven't been putting much thought into it with everything else that's going on. *i love you guys...sorry it's been so long since i've written, i just got my internet back. take care & God bless!!! ♥manda ......one more thing...is anyone else overly conscious about everything around them? who's looking at you, what everyone else is doing, who's in the car beside you when you're waiting for a stoplight to change green? i used to be like that..all the time. i hated it because i was aware of everything. i don't want that anymore though....just wondering.

to eldon tomorrow...i'm very excited. i get to go to wednesday night youth group at first baptist church of eldon (which is awesome in itself). they are so involved and on fire for God, it's hard not to leave there feeling great. and i'm staying with whitney so i'll get to work with my horse some more. doug said he was going to teach me something new and we might give her a bath! :) ryan's coming up this weekend and mykel might come with him. we shall see kids, we shall see. i'm so excited..yay!!! it's weird, but i love the drive down there. i would hate sitting in a car for 2 1/2 hours, but i love driving it. ewww, except for huge diesel trucks, and road construction, and paying for gas, and getting behind slow people on 2-lane roads, but other than that it's great. well kiddos i gotta get ready for work. it's me and andy tonight....that's always fun. heh. Love & God bless!!! ♥manda