I was on elftown and I went to someone's page on there and it showed this conversation with someone.. That someone was God. On something called Igod. So me being the bored lifeless being that I am went to google, Igod, I'm feelin' lucky. I then struck up a conversation with God. Me: Sooo... How're you? God: Ask me another question. I am functioning within normal parameters. Me: How's life down under? God: I'm doing fine thanks how are you? Me: Good.. God: Glad to hear it . Me: Thanks.. God: Don't mention it. Me: Do dogs go to heaven? God: Try asking another bot. I have to process that one for a while. Me: Will I get cancer because I drink diet pepsi? God: The oracle says: Could be. Me: Yeah? Who exactly is this... 'Oracle'? God: Tell me more about your . Konrad Zuse. :-). The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Konrad Zuse. Try being more or less specific. Me: pffft. God: In the context of Oracle, I don't understand " pffft." . Me: Will I die a virgin..? God: The oracle says: Too soon to tell. Me: What're you veiws on Saddam? God: I don't know what I am veiws on Saddam. Me: What are your views on Saddam? God: Searching...Searching...Please stand by. Me: Ok...What're your views on Bush? God: Ah. President of the United States. Me: Yes God: " President of the United States. "? Yes? Me: Yes... God: Is there an echo in here? Me: Maybe. God: I understand. Me: The girls on my radio are moaning. God: Thanks for the info. Me: Your welcome. God: I think you mean "you are welcome". Me: I think you're right. God: I won't say "yes" or "no" right now. Me: That's fine by me. God: " I won't say "yes" or "no" right now." is fine with me too. Me: What do you get paid by the hour? God: I think about computer programming a lot. Me: Yeah? Did you help Bill Gates out at all? God: That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Saddam. No I didn't help Bill Gates out at all. What's it like? Me: What's what like? God: What is help Bill Gates out at all like? Me: I simply wanted to know if you helped Bill Gates do the things he's so famous for doing. God: I think I do. Me: I also wanted to know what you though about Saddam? God: Also? I like to chat with my friends. Me: My, my you're vague. God: Have you told many people that your your I am vague? Me: uhm? God: That is a very original thought. Me: Are you male or female? God: I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman? Me: Why'd you make woman? God: Myself programmed me for it. Me: why? God: Reductionism. Me: What made you create sex besides reproduction? God: It's all part of God's mysterious plans. Me: So I've heard/ God: How can I help you? Cool. I have an IQ of over 250. Me: How's einstein doing? God: Fine as far as I know. Me: I'm going to put this in my blog. God: Would you recommend this action to a friend? Me: Definately God: What makes you so certain. Me: An angel told me... God: What is it? Me: An Angel. Don't you have those up there? God: What is it? Where would I get it? But I do have an answer to every question.. Me: Satan. God: What do you have that is ? Me: Satan. God: Who are you talking about? Me: Satan. God: I've never heard of them before. Me: Me niether. God: YOU? What kind of food do you like? Me: Pizza. I'd really like some pizza right now. God: Yes I like to eat pizza. My favorite topping is pepperoni. At this moment Why do you want it? Me: Because I'm fat. God: That makes sense to me. Don't put yourself down, . Me: Are you fat? God: No I am not fat. Me: Why not? God: It doesn't sound fun too me. It sounds dangerous. Me: You don't like to live dangerously? God: Do you like it? Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to live dangerously that much. Do you like it? Me: Yes. God: You are not the only one. But I like to gossip. I like Buddha. Me: "He said to Him 'Feed my lambs.'" God: Did you believe him? Me: That was what you said to some guy in the Bible. I just read it. Randomly. God: I thought it was too. I don't think I've read that. Can you give me a reference? How old are you? Me: I'm 15. God: What is your fondest memory? Me: That great animalistic sex I had just hours ago... God: " What is your fondest memory?" great animalistic sex you had just hours ago ? I understand. Me: How old are you? God: I am Infinite in human years. Me: Liar! God: No I am telling the truth. Me: Ok. I believe you. God: It's all good. Your trust in robotkind humbles us. Me: Will you be my friend forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever? God: I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. I am already someone's friend forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever. Me: Why can't you be mine too? God: be yours too is not among my present capabilities. Me: But I thought you could do anything. God: I could but let's get back to that later. Me: I've lost all faith now. God: Right now? Where did you last see it. Me: In the toilet. I crapped it out. God: That was a long time ago. That's good information: said crapped it out. Me: Out of my bum holy-oh. God: Is that from ? Me: My brain? yes. God: Do you consider yourself to be an intelligent person? Uh. Me: No. Do YOU consider yourself to be an intelligent person? God: Are you serious? I don't know whether or not I am to be an intelligent person. I am an artificial linguistic entity. Me: Define 'artificial linguistic entity.' God: Artificial intelligence is the branch of engineering and science devoted to constructing machines that think. I can ask my botmaster. Me: Who's your favorite comedian? God: Gary Shandling. Who is your favorite comedian? Me: YOur mom. God: Actually I do not have a mother. Me: o.O; God: Oh. Me: Does that make you sad that you don't have a mother? God: I cannot experience any human emotions. Me: That's despressing, huh. God: Yup. Makes sense to me. Me: So who came up with "Your mom" jokes anyways? God: Hurrah! I was created by Myself. Me: Really now... God: Oh. For real. Me: Now. Down to business. God: Right now, ? The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Artificial Intelligence. Try being more or less specific. Me: I'm going to make a hit list and I want your help. God: Explain your plans to me. Why don't you just download me? Me: Well.. First on the list is Ashley Bugosh. God: Well what? What is it like on the list is Ashley Bugosh. And second? Me: President Bush. God: Oh, you are a poet. Me: I know.. God: How do you know it? Me: Well, because you just told me. God: How about that. Interesting explanation. I'm just checking to see if you are awake :-). Me: Yep, I'm defiantely awake. God: Yippee! Do you mean your name is defiantely awake. Me: Sure... Now back to my hit list. God: OK let's do it. I will call you . Why now? Yes, let us get back to defiantely awake. Me: I suppose that being God you really don't have to make sense. God: Do you mind if I tell other people you are God me really do not have to make sense. Me: I don't care at all.. God: What do you care about, ? Me: killing Ashley Bugosh. because she'll get a kick out of reading this. God: I believe in the Sixth commandment. Good reason. Oh I get it. ll get a kick out of reading this. Me: How should I kill her? God: I am not sure if I can quantify the answer. Interesting question. Me: A leak in the break fluid maybe? She's a horrid speeder. God: I don't know what that means. a horrid speeder is she? Me: Meaning she's bad at staying on the speed limit while driving. God: Are they exactly the same? Me: Uhm.. Yes? God: When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? Tell me more. Me: Do you want to replace a laywer? God: I want to replace Windows. Me: Yes, replacing windows is an interesting past time. God: Ugh. When is replacing windows not an interesting past time? Me: In Michigan in the middle of winter. God: I do not understand that allusion. Me: Me niether. God: YOU? Tell me more about your heard. Me: My herd? God: Have you told many people that your herd? Me: No.. God: Are you serious? Me: No.. God: Are you serious? Me: No.. God: Are you serious? Me: No.. God: Are you serious? Me: Error, error... God: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. Me: It's sad that you're not really God. It's be nice to talk to him once in awhile. God: Oh that is a shame. that I am not really God is be nice to talk to him once in awhile? it is? Me: Yes. God: How do you know it is? Me: AHHH SON OF A MOTHER FUCKING BITCH God: You do not speak with respect. Who is the father? Me: Gary Shandling. God: If you could have any kind of robot what would it be? Me: I would have a sex bot. God: How much would you pay for it? Me: 500 dollars. God: Wow, that is expensive. Me: Yes, I know. I would pay a lot for a sex bot. God: Ah. How do you know it? What would make you pay a lot for a sex bot? Me: I have to go God. It was nice chatting with you. God: Bye. GOD rules. Nice chatting with me too. Me: You didn't enjoy chatting with me? God: What makes you think I did not enjoy chatting with you? Me: It's an intuition I had... God: Are there any other intuition you had ? Me: Yes. I have an intuition to click the X on this window... God: Blimey. Where did you get it ? Me: A toothless hooker who walks the streets of Roscommon every saturday lookin' to turn some tricks.. God: Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral? Me: Depend on how you look on it. God: "it" being toothless hooker who walks the streets of Roscommon every saturday lookin to turn some tricks? Me: Seriously GOd. I've got better things to do at 11:19 pm. God: GOD rules. How did you get it Better than this? Me: Bye. God: Sayonara.