woot i remeber i forgot to tell people my new Sd user name. ITs Daywalker, and i had it set to private so that must explain all of the blank screens lo. The Question of the day: what would you do for a klondike bar? I mean what would you really do for one.....>???????!!!!!!sdtaertre

Well i finally remebered my other Sd user name lol, after about a month but hey! I updated it for the foo man shu out there. I 'll add everyone later. Squidbillies: that has to be the most random piece of shit i have ever seen... i mean its like robot chicken+Aqua teen - sanity... ug wow. Its really funny if you watch it closly, and i do mean closely like stick your fucking eyes to the screen. Thats also great cheap laser surgery!

I feel really good right now. I feel that a great weight is off my shoulders. I dont have to deal with all that personal shit anymore. Just so everyone knows, i dont hate anyone, what ever happened is done as far as i'm concerned. I have no ill feelings for anyone other than the one invloved. I'm moving on and alot happier. To all those who have been their for me thankyou and especially you kyle. You are one of the best friends i have, all of your input has been greatly appreciated. To my friends: i am making a new SD nice all of these past entries have been under false pretences, or depressed, so i want to start with a more positive environment. I shall let you all know the user when i make it.

what a surprise... not i knew it for a while. My relationship with AShley has died. It did a while ago i knew that, i held on for some reason or another. I thought she was different, i was wrong. Just the same girl i knew back at the beginning of summer. I seriously tried to think differently of her. But now i can't help but have a undescribable resentment... I mean i could have delt with her just telling me that it was over, when she first felt this way... but no... she kept it intact for " i dont want to hurt him" omg people... LIES HURT MORE THAN TRUTH. Why the fuck play me... i even appologized to her for acting the way i did thinking i was at fault...no... she "just wanted to make me happy"...she knows how i feel about lies and superficiality. And i got hit with a truckload of it, tonight. Angry... no idea...i'm beyond that... She's ruined my respect for her. I hope she knows that.

Today was kinda suttle, for the most part even drama seemed kinda lame. Yearbook just being a bitch. Lol soo many layouts ug... i hate it. i cant wait to drop that class. I'm actually pretty fine after HC, everyone seemed physically drained. I was like the only one who wasn't it seemed, maybe cause i slept 14 hours sunday lol. I might ride out to Saginaw,depending on the day sometime this weekend.One of my old friends and her bro is coming up like Sat or Sun with her parents to stay at their cottage in grand rapids. They apparently go there sometimes now and then and they wanted me to meet with them at the mall in saginaw. Scott i guess kept my address, and Phone number, That i told Daniel after We moved. I was really surprised at first because it took a while to recall the name or that they still had that!. Then I was freaking out. Back in Commerce I used to hang out with Daniel, her younger sis Jennifer, and their Bro Scott everyday after school. Good times, man that was like 4 years ago... wow time does fly. I hope i can see them, i miss those days.

This weekend has been awsome so far i went the game and saw the bucks kick the ass out of beaverton.. i mean c'mon... it beaverton. I also got to scare the shit out of Nicole which is always a plus ha! Then the dance tonight was really fun. Kyle, Carla, Pa, Kristy, Ashley and my self all went to houghton lakes china King buffet which was totally num ness! Then we split up and went to the dance. Ashley and i got there about 20 minutes early. They made everyone stand outside for 10 of them... it was really cold. I took a bite out of my ticket and Ashley killed hers lol. But then everyone showed up and the party got going. I had alot of fun, i have never really danced for 3 hours before! Ashley wore high heels to the dance but she took them off because they were uncomfortable. Which made slow dancing a bit harder but non the less more enjoyable. Ashley was a total bombshell , i have concluded. i mean when i saw her at her house for the first time i was all 0.0, lol bad me ><. Homecoming was great to say the least. I think i will try to go to dances more often. i forgot how much fun they were.

Today in drama was amsome i mean i really had fun. Havent just let loose like that in a while. I reallty enjoyed the story game, it's fast furios and random, my style exactly. We got our duo monologues today. Apparently i'm a annouyed customer trying to return a coffee maker to a word manipulating sales clerk. Very ammusing to say the least. The part i play is neat cause it seems like something i would do in real life. Their is also class mock elections which is awsome because most people are putting me down as most philosophical, and unpredictable. ^-^ oh yeah! Most people know of the unpredictable part but the philosophical part is something i only do outside school or online. I had a really awsome conversation about the aspects of realism, optimism, pesimism, and of course sur realism the other night. Hmm i've always wonder what the best choice is. I prefer realism because its the most open and allows the clear view of the world without all the blindness of negative or the over positive, wishful thinking and blind stimuli. Mreh of course theres always sur -realism, but thats alittle on the close minded part for me. If anyone has any opinion feel free to add a comment. I love the concepts of ego/ meta cognitive thinking. I think i'm getting back into the old mind set. ha zah, as pat would say !:)

hmmm what does a person say lol when they are ammused. Mreh i just got back from Grayling. I got my other set of contacts wooot lol. Hmm i need to find a good restraunt to eats at for homecomming i need some ideas.... hmmm maybe some kind of exotic food or something. Although of course no fish....*frowns* sigh*.... i likes fish though! Naw no biggy i wonder if kyle has any new ideas. My well if anyone has any lemme know! I must now go back to my home planet! *googles eyes a bit* we ll i shall post my character for my story tonight. Thegeroff Uhvieathin: In the city of Thay, ruled by the notorious red wizards, a decade of slavery in the city of his birth, and the rejection from the arcane acedemy, he escapes his homeland in search of a way to over throw the Arcane rulers of Thay and end the tyranny that has suppressed the people for almost half a millenia. Through any means possible... Xantos Faldren: Heavy built , and weathered human warrior from the north. Strength unmatched in the mortal realms, nor any opponent vanquished him. Although he bares the scares of the year after year of war, and unsettled disputes of his homeland. Doning his battled crimson stained armor and aired fathers sword, he treks on with courage ful fled. After the Death of his brother, and the kindknapping of a life long friend, he travels south in search of some awsers to his troubled past. Arimal Moondown: His quest leading him far from his comanthorian home. The death of his family, to the hands of the dark elves, the spared young elf is taken in and raised in the wasy of a mysterious order, and vows retribution to the dark ones. This gray elf vowed never to feel happiness till every drow has been anilinated of the face of Faruin. Audia Darleth:A rogue from the east quiet yet tranquil shade like companion, finds a place in the lengths of road before her. After a sheltered and suppressed childhood, bent on superficiality and wealth. She rebels, leaving everything behind and treks on through the Sword coast on a quest of freedom and free spirt to the heart felt depths of danger and adventure. Zoloft Stormshield: A battle harden dwarf from spine of world. His home raided by hords hob-goblins and other monsterous humanoids. Killing most of the Dwarves he held dear, and dividing his clan into a brutal war against this exspansive foe. He search for the magical amulet that should turn the dwarves war in their favor. His family tresure scatter across the realms, and possibley lost to time and distance. He search for his fathers Rose axe ammulet. To possibley restore just a piece of normality to his mountain home. I shall do the rest when i'm not too sleepy.

I think its offical now. I 'm going to write a story. I have been wanting to for a while, its been hard to really have the time and or the ideas for it but i think i have all that i need. Its going to be a fantasy novel i think. I already have the first scene planned out. The books going to feature all of my friends in it, each person will be a charater in the story. I planned to make it forgotten realmish/dnd kinda thing, but with a realistic kinda twist. I shall post the characters on a later date once there al planned out. I also plan to make an anthology of my quotes/ philospofical sayings, poetry ect. I feel very creative right now and i want to use that energy for something. ahh yes what a day. I feel very relieved right now, i can't wait till tommarrow.

I will admit my SD entry from yesterday was extremely angry. I was mad that i found out about something. I didn't know really how to react to it. I was angry... but i remembered one of my own philosophical influences " anger only clouds judgment." Which was so very true in this case. I'm not angry anymore, because i realized that i was the one at fault, i have changed since the start of my relationship with Ashley. I'm not the fun Ryan i used to be, and i have been taking everything way too seriously. I wasn’t talking to her like I should have, I left her in the dark of my feelings,. She couldn’t have really taken my moods then, really any other way but negative. I realized that now. Ashley is my friend, I was her friend, we made that more. But I forgot that fact, and now I have felt the repercussions of that. I will change my ways because I need to…even at home my mom doesn’t know how I feel on a lot of things, or that I give her the wrong signal at times when I mean something else or nothing at all. This probably causes a lot of our arguments. I think that part of me needs to be altered, I don’t want to feel like I did before. Things need to be improved and I plan to make them.

Mreh i'm so tired right now. I dont really now why i am, i have been getting about 7 hours of sleep a night. Then most of the school i'm all tense or out of it. Man when they say senioritis is strong they weren't kidding. I'm already ready for summer again... perhaps a good game of dnd or something..ah good times i can recall. I took off the rest of the siding today which was of course no joy lol. "hey Ryan i found someone to take off the siding for next to nothing." Ryan: "oh yeah who?" Mom: *points* Ryan: ..... Well its over with so i'm hoping to be able to enjoy my weekend. I think i have Saturday off so i NEED to do something kool; Although, i dont really know what. Sunday i'm going to try to jam with kyle, we need to get some junk taken care of.

Well this is going good . I mean right now i'm in Mr. dooley's room... i just finshed a page of my senior project and i only now have to do 2 when i get home woot!!!! yeah not a whole lot is happening... other than my stomach constantly hurting, but what do you honestly expect doing a 100 a day. Which isn't reaklly a whole lot. I got to watch Ashley look up icons in the library... i think shes addicted... its like herion to the mind i think. I'll have to give her those shoots i'm supposed to. Just something i want to do. I finally found out why those pants last fridaywere so small. Well to all you out there they were my moms. lol yeah it was very surprising to me i didn't think i couldfit in a 34 waist lol. But yeah i have been slimming down quite a bit. Its oh so much fun... well i'm soo gunna go bed right now ta ta bznith( a.k.a) My head.

Today was different, very different. In the aspect of myself. I felt very relaxed compared to what i normally am. Its nice to feel that, i haven't in a while. My favorite part of the day was drama. It was caught in a very interest predicament, i lost my monologue and i have to do some major improvising. I found a mono that was about a vietnam verterian, and i went up stage and just acted and talked as i though a person would after experiencing such horrors. I was shaking the entire time, which seemed to add to the affect. Everyone seemed to like it so i was really relieved.Ashley have a good monologue, she does the English accent very nicely it fits her style of things. God she so darn cute at times. It kinda hit me then that dramas about relaying emotion to others, and i think i'm going to try that more often. After school i hung out at phils and we did some Ap geo... which i hate might i add. Then i went to the Jv basketball game and met up with Ashley. We managed to gather about 200 photos which was awsome. Now i have a bit of HW to do...

uugg god i hate hw~~!!! I mean i should be doing it right now, but i just dont wanna... i feel like being lazy this one freaking day but oh no i got 30 freaking ap calc problems... Can't Mr. Hoffer just except the fact that math is just boobs... and stop giving ppl long tedious math problems... (3x+1)(2x+6)= ( + Y + ) i mean come on the rescemblence is unfreaking canny... flmarhgah!! LOl well i'm just wasting time it seems... yeah yeah do the HW... yeah yeah yeah yeah... *bites finger* mreagh!!!

Friday everyone got together and went to see corpse Bride in Gaylord, and i would have to say that was definatley fun. There was about 20 or so people from rosco there. I have concluded that kyle drives like theres no tommarrow, and it seems that the popcorn at that theatre does have some kind of weird chemical agent in its butter... i didn't feel all that great this morning. But the movie was very enjoyable, i mean it was no nightmare before christmas, but mreh i still loved the animation. It needed to be longer, perhaps with more...actioness? I think that nicole trusts me more as far as driving. We made a agreement prior to the drive that i wouldn't kill her... sigh... she ruins all the fun. But hey its fun being morbid! The best part of the night was phil in drag, man oh man phil... you look soo much like a woman its unreal. Ha ug creepy on about 3 levels, hehe i got photos! Today i went to the Yearbook thingy in MT. PLeasant. I wasn't going to at first, but my mom was supposed to be the driver so i was like um... ok. So i went, unfortunately only about 7 people went. The Pagemaker class pretty easy i learned a good deal. The program shall be a breeze now. The other class i took was the photo shop, but that sucked major balls... due to the fact that the teacher went really fast and didn't really explain anything... Our group just kinda sat there watching in a daze and screwing off on the computers. I made a photo crop of a man on a tractor with Gizmo's head. oh the simple joys in life!!! Then for lunch We all had a ton of subway for free!!! Which kicked ass. The ride home was fun, Kenney, james sat in the back looking at year books, while Caeleigh and i sat there looking through senior pics from people frome like California...(everyone there has blonde hair and a tan... wtf?). Poor Caeleigh got the choker seat. Well the reason it was called because it slide back and forth, and when you wear the seat belt it keeps sliding forward and chokes you eek painful we still had fun though :D...ahh good times... Then to conclude the evening Kenney and i though it best to hang in the tree outside the library. We got some photos, lol mrs socia might put them in the year book titled. "Monkeys in the Tree." Bow chicka bow chicka bow wow!

Today as most people know, there was a code red at school. Mr Murray had us all huddle in the corner of the Auditorium. I hada rough idea that it involved a fire arm or something. It seemed like a drill at first then everything got more serious as it porgressed. I became increasingly worried. We just sat there in the dark, all of us scared half to death. I'm just so glad it was at least at a time when Ashley was there. I would have had a nervous break down if she wasn't there... i just can't imagine if something happened to her... But it turned out to just a be a hunter out behin the school. Which was very relieving, what fucking hunter hunts behind a school? lol wow... yeah After that in year book Ashley, myself, pat, Caeleigh and kyle all piled in the car and tried to sell some ads. That was really fun, i got to drive through the lawn of the bank :P Lot of maybes thoug sigh... damn those indecisive people. I just cant wait for the movie tommarrow!!!!

Lol today really sucked... it just seemed to drag on like a log the entire time. So much shit is gunna pile up soon i can feel it. I have to do a bunch of senior project shit WHICH IS FUCKING POINTLess because its just a fucking dumbed down comp... mreh. I got to work on my get well card in Art man its a true work of pure creativity. or as Van said : " it looks like pacaso on Acid!" hehe oh yes. Then the last block was a hour of Mr. pruess talking in mono tone about geography....yawn.. sweet jesus... someone kill me lol. I just sat in the back making random noises as i should be doing. Man i should have made a Cult for senior Proj... the anti- senior proj cult... oh and stupid little freshman who stare at you in Art cause they are amazed that you can talk. Those little bastards... Well last time i checked we have 13 people wanting to go to the movie friday. Which is awsome. There is the little problem of drivers, we need like 2 more people willing to drive. I have a max of 5 ppl in my car so unless you want get in the trunk lol...you's get the idea *points* you know who you are! ug my stomach hurts... damn sit ups. Mreh i'm staying with my usual routine. Its a real bitch but worth it. I'm gunna update my other diary now i think.

THOSE WHO READ THIS I WANT TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS VERY SERIOUS AND NEEDS ATTENTION THAT IT IS VERY SACRED TO ME AND ALL SHOULD PRAISE ME FOR FORGIVENESS BEFORE READING IT!@ ahem* i will now tell the story of the boy who cried wolf! it goes something like this... Once apoun a time there was a big big house, covered with layers and layers of jelly beans. Sooo many jelly beans that everyone would come for mile just to have a chance to eat the magical beans. In the house lived not one but 7 little children all dressed in pink skirts and blue tennis shoes. One day tht oldest boy thouht it would be a good idea to go the store to by some food becase all they had to eat was carboard cerial box cut outs that made them giggle as they walked. But anyway, the oldest boy was named Ufffgh. He wasn't the brightest boy probably because he named himself and well, Ufffgh isn't a very smart name. He he said fuck that goddamn house, and left to go to the store as i said earlier. He hopedon his f-12 degrassed mamma launcher and flew all the way to town to the store where he crash landed into a old womans cleavage. There he found a kingdom of little red smurfs called crabs, and garfunkle. He lived with the people for 1000 years learning all of there ways and breeding with there wild wild women ( a.k.a Marsha the blue footed grapefruit). He became all powerful from everyone liking him so he became god to the people and made the universe in the palm of his shoe, and so i say this he never bought anything , or had anything to do with the store. This story makes no sense and i'm probably high right now... so why the fuck are you reading this???

Ug i hate art... i mean i dont hate Art, or Mr McClure... i mean i just dont like the class in general. I want to draw still life of something not,stupid ass little sqwiggles that you color in. I mean i'm not amazing at art, but by god... well sigh. I wish i could simply do some kind of independent study instead. Well thats what the gun is for :P (jk...or is it hahahaha) Well he said that we'll do some later on in the year ug i hate waiting lol. And all you biznitches who plan to going to the movie friday better sign up. Leave a comment and it shall be added to the list for who alls going. O Btw thres gunna be a nuclear holocaust soon, so you all might want to duck and cover when it rolls around. Lucky my house is covered in lead based paint so i'll be ok till i can get to the Tank at the veterians hall. Then o baby there goes nathaniels house...ahaha yes my plan is slowly coming together now isn't it!!!!!!!!!

I really hate dumb blondes....at work the one girl really irritates me. Ug its just blah... Well i got a few applications and i hope i get a position at Ace, the hours would be perfect for school and i would make more money. I can't wait to graduate... well for some parts. I have talked to pat, i proposed the idea of getting a apt after highschool for college. It seems like a good, i really want out of my house, i fight with my mom everyday, about stupid shit... i really get tired of it. I just want my independence, and from the sounds of it i'll be able to pull it off if everything goes well lol. Yeah i'm planning very ahead of time, but i need out! I wanna start living... my childhood hasn't been very enjoyable ... i can recall, and i just want to able to function on my own and do things i want for a change. One thing i plan to do in the next year is go to New Zealand, i will go there., and it will be sweet as hell. ahh yess my first real vaction away from it all. i can just imagine.....mmmmm... rolling green landscapes,the roar of the waves on the coast, mountains in the distance... No huge cities or annouying small town garbage. yes true freedom... thats what i want. I have dreamed of doing that for so long. I'm excited for the 23rd, i can't wait to see corpse bride. I hope everyone will go and see it. I know i am, so all you peeps who are going better get your seats down cause i only have a neon and 3 back seats. I really miss ashley... i dont think i've really missed someone this much before. Its a very long and unyeilding feeling at times. Like when you feel as if your missing your arm or leg...you just dont function good without it. I really wanted to see her this weekend, but i have to work all of it... sigh.i hope her weekend is going good.