*All you're missin' is a heartache A disillusion for a keepsake A life of living with your own mistake *Go West young man When the evil go East Find a heart that's golden Why must I wander like a cloud Following the crowd Well, I don't know But I'm asking for the will to fight To wear the Crown of Life And You say go *Looking for a reason Roaming through the night to find My place in this world Not a lot to lean on I need Your light to help me find My place in this world *But Nobody knew his secret ambition it Was to give His life away *If I could only read your mind Tell me the answer I would find Do you dream of me? And when you’re smiling in your sleep Beyond the promises we keep Do you dream of me? *And friends are friends forever If the lord’s the lord of them And a friend will not say never ’cause the welcome will not end Though it’s hard to let you go In the father’s hands we know That a lifetime’s not too long to live as friends. *I’ll be your friend for a lifetime Against the wind and the rain of every season Won’t walk away in the hard times I will be your friend I’m saying I will be your friend -_>thats right those were all Michael W. Smith lyrics he rocks my sox off... i use to have a crush on him, he was a hottie but then i found out he was married and had like 7 kids and it absolutely crushed my dreams... but those are great lyrics, so think about them... and leave an effing comment cuz noone leaves them anymore!!!

If I were a month, I'd be: December If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Friday If I were a time of day, I'd be: 2:49 am If I were a planet, I'd be: Neptune baby If I were a sea animal, I'd be: an oyster painted orange If I were a direction, I'd be: west If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: a bean bag chair If I were a celebrity, I'd be: Lindsay loahn or martin luth king jr. If I were a liquid, I'd be: a pina colada If I were a tree, I'd be: a weeping willow If I were a bird, I'd be: a sparrow If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: daffidils If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: RAIN If I were a mythical creature, I'd be: gumbi! but i dont think hes a mythical creature? If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: the banjo If I were an animal, I'd be: a kangaroo If I were a color, I'd be: neon green If I were an emotion, I'd be: giddiness If I were a vegetable, I'd be: spinich If I were a sound, I'd be: umm curplakt? If I were an element, I'd be: carbondioxide If I were a car, I'd be: volkwagon beetle convertable If I were a song, I'd be: Get your freak on (picked by ashlee) If I were a movie, I'd be: bad boys 2 (picked by ashlee) If I were a book, I'd be: i dont read so yeah If I were a food, I'd be: bacon If I were a place, I'd be: Beverly hills, Iowa - yes there is one!! If I were a material, I'd be: velvet If I were a taste, I'd be: the taste of a lemon with salt on it If I were a scent, I'd be: the smell of rain If I were a religion, I'd be: Christian If I were a word, I'd be: 'word' If I were an object, I'd be: a compus If I were a body part, I'd be: an aposable thumb If I were a facial expression, I'd be: shocked If I were a subject in school, I'd be: English If I were a cartoon character, I'd be: Timmy turner from fairly odd parents If I were a shape, I'd be a: parallelogram If I were a number, I'd be: 88

uhoh....im in trouble...not forreal but i like to make myself feel like im improtant i think i like someone well im not sure, and i dont really know them that well, so dont effing ask me who it is cuz i aiant gonna tell you but this sux because i just waste my effing time when i like someone, they arent gonna like me back i guess i just like to amuse myself or something?? whateever but what.. i dont even know what likeing someone is, seriously you just like them? how do u explain it, its nots anything close to love, heck no...but likeing someone for me, is just appreciateing someone more than you appreciate others, it could mean you want to get to know them, because whenveer i use to like someone i would think that i knew them so well, but i really didnt i just wanted to be friends with them, then when i became friends with them it was different and i couldnt even think of me likeing that person again so its like the only reason i say i like someone is so i have an excuse to get to know them and become their friend, life is confusing, thats just how things how but whatever whos need 'love' or 'like' especially at my age...

Sometimes people can be so....... selfish, conceited, mean, rude, inconsiderate, vane, shallow, stupid, forgetful, self-centered, blind, fake, nasty, hateful, egotistical, jealous, envious, superficial, negative, careless, thoughtless, retarded.... but sometimes people can be.... nice, considerate, thoughtful, caring, joyful, loving, giving, intelligent, trustworthy, positive.. wow why is it that for some reason i can think of more bad things that people are than good things, do u guys not find something wrong with that? maybe there is plenty more good things that i just dont see, but i guess i seriously dont see them cuz im thinking... but oh well, so yeah my point is just watch yourself, choose your friends wisely and make a decision you wont regret.. ..and honestly if ur reading this and you think of more people for the nice list thing than tell me cuz i wanna know!..so yeah these are just thoughts in my head at like 2 in tha morning....

ahhh i wanna frickin cuss!!!!!!!!! my parents have been being better but things are just gonna go back to normal i was kinda loooking forward to their divorse in some ways, cuz like then our family would be happy....but oh wait... they just walked in the door fighting, they still fight alot its just not as bad..so whatever id otn care anymore they can do whatever they want i just wont let it affect my life, unless i would have to change schools that would suck but whatever my life is being stupid right now so why dont i just die... my best friend is or was mad at me and i dont understand why, im trying to do the best i can but i guess that just isnt enough or something! i wish i oculd do better... but screw it...my life dont matter anywayz

BRANDY LYRICS "Have You Ever?" Have you ever loved somebody so much It makes you cry Have you ever needed something so bad You can't sleep at night Have you ever tried to find the words But they don't come out right Have you ever, have you ever Have you ever been in love Been in love so bad You'd do anything to make them understand Have you ever had someone steal your heart away You'd give anything to make them feel the same Have you ever searched for the words to get to their heart But you don't know what to say And you don't know where to start Have you ever found that one You've dreamed of all of your life You'd do anything to look into her eyes Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to Only to find that one won't give their heart to you Have you ever closed you eyes and Dreamed that they were there And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care What I gotta do to get you in my arms baby What I gotta do to to your heart To make you understand how I need you next to me Gotta get you into my world 'Coz baby I can't sleep I absolutely love that song ^^^ its so just like right on...lol i dont know..but it rox!!

ya ya ya ya ya!! YAYAYAYYAAYYYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!! so its still june 4 and i just made a.... buddy4u profile in like 2 hours ...while i was babysitting..haha i have alot of free time...dont judge me!!!! so yeah if u click on the think up there ^^^ that saiz 'webpage' it will bring you to it! so you should definately sign the guestbook too!! so i feel loved thx! lataaaa

YoU nEvEr KnEw Me...TiLl nOw So i'm not a real live poet , i just write poems to express my feelings and this is how i feel about stuff i guess...but i know they arent that goood... My Prayer I could have never gave what you had to give You gave your life so us sinners would live Now I’m standing here just looking at you Your looking at me I don’t know what to do It’s judgment time and I’m filled with disgrace But when I look up I see your beautiful face And I realize life isn’t what it seems I’m being penalized but it feels like a dream I can’t stand for loner my knees are week I can’t speak for longer I’m feeling meek Everything I’ve done wasn’t for you It was all for me I enjoyed it to But now I’m caught up with all my shame And I’m on the ground feeling so much pain At these times I can’t help but be in awe of you But then it’s back to normal in the next weak or 2 But Lord that’s not the real me I am who you created me to be I try my best to be all that I can Be tough and take a stand I may look strong, but inside I’m week I want you to be all that I seek I want to lift my hands up and give my life I want to live for you without all this strife Lord please just hear my prayer Talk to me and show me you care You’re all I want and all I need I will follow and you will lead Just take my life as a living sacrifice And remember this I would die for you Christ Blind All these hypocrites thinking their worthy Inside they’re week but just act happy Walking around thinking they’re better than the rest But now realizing they are truly blessed Acting fake, thinking they’re too good Not feeling guilty, they never would Teasing and making others frown Thinking they deserve a crown Everyone’s equal and deserves attention But they gossip not noticing their reflection Still I was so blind as to see All of this pointing back at me Why don’t you Why don’t you try life out in someone else shoe’s? Why don’t you be the one to look at your daughter and break the news? Why don’t you stay up all night thinking ‘did he hurt her’? Why don’t you be the one to wake up to yelling and your visions a blur? Why don’t you be the one praying to God for a different life? Why don’t you be the one suffering temptation to grab the knife? Why don’t you understand? Why don’t you be a man? I appreciate the life that you’ve given me But that doesn’t mean you make my life happy And still through all this I do love you You’re so blind to the fact you never knew You can do so much just stop sinking so low Why don’t you be the one sitting in your room with nowhere to go? Silent Tears Look at me I see my reflection in the mirror As I keep looking down my face runs a tear Just wanting to be pretty like all the other girls With big blue eyes and blonde straightened curls Crying myself to sleep has become my profession Praying to God that I would become a perfection Wishing that I could be everything to everyone As I deal with rejection watch me turn away and run Addicted to beauty is how the world lives Ridiculed, shot down, but I still learn to forgive I try so hard to keep a smile on my face But only I know its fake, only I’m a disgrace Trust in God Life is complicated we already know It’s true what they say you reap what you sow But don’t you worry everything will work out Just trust in God and have no doubt You are unique in your own way Keep on smiling everything will be okay He died for you, you can risk your life for him Keep shining bright don’t let your light go dim I know what you can do, so do your best No matter what you think, you are truly blessed Already Gone As I watch the clock, I slowly think Its now or never, I swim or sink I try so hard but always get let down That’s why my face is always cursed with a frown I try to smile, but its just to tough When should I know what is enough? I pray to God to make everything right What am I suppose to see when there’s nothing in sight It’s the same thing happening, it goes on and on I keep on trying but I’m already gone I’m always putting myself down and feeling like a disgrace All I have now is a broken heart in the wrong place So stop me now, I’m out of control I only have these tears and an empty soul Invisible Why did I think someone like you? Would ever like someone like me Why did I think that you’d stay true? And that you’d make my life happy Why did I think I was visible? When in reality I’m not Why do I have this label? Why won’t you ever be taught? That personality does matter It’s not always about looks Although looks do flatter Personality is what hooks I’m saying this simply because I know I am no beauty queen That doesn’t matter -what does? I won’t know –until I’m seen My Life My life never seems to go my way I always seem to run out of things to say Life at home is completely wrong It’s like a broken record, playing the same song So many people, but who can you trust? All this drama, can not be just But when I look up, I get a sweet reminder God gives me strength and makes me a fighter He gets me through the easy and the tough He shows me exactly what is enough He is my rock and my salvation He gives me guidance and concentration He’s the one who keeps this smile on my face He’s the reason why I’m not a disgrace ThIs WoULd Be So mUcH eAsiEr If YoU wErEnT sO pErFeCt

well today is may 26 2004! i just got back from school after taking my biology and english final im glad those are over tomorrow i have spanish evryone saiz its really hard but im a mexican...im gonna get an A! i had a fun day today at school thoug, i brought my brothers hulk backpack cuz i ddint feel like bringing mine..everyone loved it, what can i say i just please everyone! haha anywayz i cant beleive schools out in 2 days im so excited but im sad too im gonna miss everyone over the summer but i look forward to spending more time with you all in the next 3 years! well have anawesome day and God bless yay my sister got back today im so excited! shes been gone for almost a week! i love her so much shes the best sister in the world! *-Leah

So last night church was awesome! It always is though! Everytime i go i leave with a changed life! It is completely amazing! Matt prayed over me and it was just what i needed! I was asking God for some sort of sign of where im suppose to go or what im suppose to do or where im suppose to be and then matt came over to me and prophecied over me, and it was completely awesome! he is such an amazing man of God! He is one of a kind! Today chapel rocked! but thats only cause matt came and spoke! yay! it was so awesome and the worship was incredible, i can tell this SCA people are changing...slowly, but it doesnt matter how fast as long as they are changing! yay im so excited but ahh...i have been struggeling so much with temptation..ahh its like insane! i wish i could erase my past from my memory cause it just reminds me of all the crap ive been through and done. anyways ..I love jesus with all my heart no matter what!

BAH! so today was just a normal day at school i guess...nothing exciting happened? umm i went to the worship thing at lunch! it was cool! Its so exciting to see the people at SCA changing! i hope everyone, including me, keeps the fire going and will set and example! God has such amazing plans for you all Proverbs 16:1 To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the toungue. Thats a cool verse, if you think about it and understand it! After school i went to starbucks then came home..woohoo ..lately i have been dealing with depression, its odd! yes i am completely changed and i am totally on fire for God, but that doesnt mean that crap still doesnt happene in my life! I'm trying my hardest to have a good attitude with it and put all my worries on Christ 1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. I love the Bible, seriously if u actually read it, its an awesome book, like the best :-) lol! It has helped me grow so much..i love Romans! Thats my favorite book! So i urge you all to just open your bible to a random page..and start reading. Im struggleing with alot of temptations with "Certain" things i was doing/delaing with in the past..its hard.. James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, why should we consider it joy when we have temptations or problems, because we will end up learning something from it..."God doesnt make us go through pain, he allows you to" Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

i dont really feel like writing but i needed to update umm so yeah i got back from disneyland early this morning it was alot of fun we also went to hollywood and that was so fun for me since i want to be an actress or i'll be whatever God wants me to be...whatever will be fine with me :-) well yeah i will write more about it later..and i will put pics in here too maybe if i can... byee

wellp... im leaving for disneyland in like 5 minutes yesterday was a really fun day...my siblings are so cool! BYE EVERYONE MWAHH! I'LL BE BACK ON SUNDAY I THINK... MAYBE SATURDAY.. adios//

yeah, so today was my brothers birthday party, but his birthday isnt until tomorrow! i got to decorate his cake and i drew spongebob on it and it looked so good..dang seriously i am a fantastic cake decorator! forreal! i am! so his party was fun i guess? i just took pictures of millions of little boys! i like taking pictures its cool! hes nine years old! wow what a big boy! there was this one little boy daniel, he always secluded himself from everyone else, it reminded me..of me! baha jk im always around people..or alone..one or the other! haha so umm yeah thats what i did today! cool i know! oh and i babysatt oh and i just pierced my second cartilidge myself! YESS! ive always wanted to do that! i feel so accomlished! DISNEYLAND = TUESDAY! = i get to miss a week of school = im gonna miss my friends = i might cry..

haha sam..like my title? anywayz..so yesterday at school it was pretty cool...cause i brought my fake teeth so after school me and jessica were being amelia and carrie..haha both of us need some serious dental care! bahhh! okay and we had our physics test yesterday..i got it back today and i got a 94...i would have gotten 100 but i felt guilty...:-/! okay so today school was cool i guess? it was "dress up dennis day" woohoo! hhaa i didnt do anything though cause im not cool enough! well me and jess were amelia and carrie again..haha its fun! i wrote her a 2page note...front and back... with a picture of amelai and carrie cheering! ha it totally rocked! but i gtg to go to corum deo..i will write about it when i git back..later.. now its later..and i am back from corum deo! baha! umm yea it was really cool, and lots of fun, cant wait till next time! :-)! i wrote a poem while i was there and they wanted me to read it out loud so i did, and then stacie asked me if i sing, and i didnt answer her cause i dont think im a good singer and she was all "yeah, you do you sing, i totally just saw you going places uses your voice and songs and your poems, thats awesome"..yay! thats so cool! im so excited to see whats going to happen in my life and the lives of others! Melody is so cool! shes hilarious i love her!..maybe i will post my poem in here but i dont feel like typing it out now...sorry!

yeah so today i went to school..but that wasnt even the best part! muahah! lol but yeah in bible study today it was my turn to lead it..i think i did pretty good eh? me and jessica never get to be losers anymore at lunch these weirdo boys keep sitting with us and it sucks! so umm...after school jessica had a crisis..but it turned out to be a fake! Before we went to church me and lindsay met her friends, matt julia and KELLEY!, at fuddruckers and we ate there! then kelley left us to go to...phoenix first...umm yeah, ..then matt came with us to our totally awesome church! tonight was really cool! worship was awesome like always! and matt, the pastor, just let kida come up and talk about their lives and God and stuff! it was really encouraging and it helped alot! *what are you holding on to..that is MORE IMPORTANT THAN GOD?* yupp...goodnight!

Thirteen random things you like: 01. poetry 02. acting 03. movies 04. Jesus 05. laughing 06. yearbooks 07. pictures 08. friends 09. coffee 10. christmas 11. being weird 12. reading..but only the Bible 13. earrings Twelve movies you like: 01. Cheaper by the dozen 02. Just married 03. Elf 04. Titanic 05. Two Weeks Notice 06. Finding Nemo 07. Freaky Friday 08. A Walk to Remember 09. The Notebook 10. Wicker Park 11. Beauty and the Beast 12. Napolean Dynamite Eleven things in your room: 01. bed 02. chair shaped as a shoe :-) 03. desk 04. bible 05. lamp 06. posters 07. mirror 08. CD rack 09. sleeping bag 10. pillows 11. stuffed animals Ten good friends: 01. Jessica 02. My sister 03. Pahnke 04. Caitlin 05. Ashley 06. Casey 07. Ali 08. lots more.. 09. tons more... 10. so many more... Nine shows you watch: 01. Thats so ravenn...yess!!! 02. Thats 70's show 03. Degrassi :-) 04. Friends 05. Boy meets world 06. Full house! 07. Step by step 08. Random reality shows..they're my fave! (cait is my #1 fave though!) 09. Sister Sister Eight favorite foods/drinks: 01. rootbeer 02. umm cookie things that i dont know what they are called 03. spanish rice 04. enchiladas 05. Ruffles chipss 06. grapes 07. macaroni salad 08. seseme sticks... Seven things you wear daily: 01. promise ring 02. old promise ring 03. my watch 04. umm clothes? 05. 3 pairs of earrings 06. makeup 07. nail polish... Six things that annoy you: 01. People who chew and make funny noises 02. Stalkers..even though i am one..bah 03. parents 04. technology 05. racist people 06. stupid mexicans...haha jk Five things you touch everyday: 01. My sister...lol 02. keyboard 03. door handle 04. eyeliner 05. Bible Four things about you: 01. Im weird 02. ..unique 03. i laugh alot 04. Im deep..as in deep thoughts..a deep thinker...u know? Three celebrities you have a crush on: 01. Ryan Gosling 02. Ashton Kutcher 03. Heath Ledger Two people you'd like to kiss: 01. umm... 02. ...hmm One person you could spend the rest of your life with: 01. ..no comment HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLAKE!

okay so today i woke up, cause thats what u gotta do in the morning and i did my hair weird and i used about 60 bobby pins...no exaggerations! that will be interesting to take out...! so yeah then i went to school and stuff..and it was just a normal school day! Math was really fun we went into groups of 3 and i was with Jessica and Lucas...lucas is one crazy kid! it was lots of fun but i ditched K.C. to be with jess and lucas and i feel bad now cause he made me feel bad! but we are friends again and we have a detective agency together cause we are good detectives! its called M & M detecive agency..because both our last names start with M...cool i know, K.C. thought of it! he wanted it to be detective "institute" but thats like a mental hospital...! and we have code names.. but...i cant say them, for they are codes and they are sacred! oh yeah and in math class my dad came in and was like gonna try on underwear...bahh..jk..but we thought it was my dad i have pretty white nail polish on but its chipping... so at lunch we had bible study and it was good... GOOD JOB BETHANY! i was thinking alot about what she was talking about before the bible study anyways! tomorrow is mine and jessicas day i already have a lesson thing prepared! then we got our pictures in the office, mines really freaky cause i have super long hair..i never realized my hair was that long and it looks weird..so yeah! what do u think about that ...foool? then after school i had a few voicemails from a friend...and well heres the story...My dear friend Miss Casey Joy Chadwick got dropped off at her house after school and got locked out of her house. So she thinks of me ofcourse and walks to SCA to visit me and i guess other people! So since i am such a caring person i invited her to my house! and now she is here with me, cool story i know!..and then...we found a slip n' slide...but we didnt go on it...we just looked..! then when we got home we ordered pizza... It was actually a better day than i would have thought... comment fool... To me the only important thing about living is Christ, and dying would be profit for me. -Philippians 1:21

okay so today i woke up at 730 wow, thats totally early..! and yeah im all better i still have that - getting over being sick - feeling but its okay! so i have been really confused about my life and pretty much everything lately, but isnt everyone just a little confused..i cant be that crazy..! dso yeah alot of weird stuff is going on with my mom i dont know, life is just being pretty weird now and im trying to be as optimistic as possible, but in the end i know my smile is fake and i hate doing that i dont even realize when im fakeing a smile i seem to have gotten so use to it! yes there is reason to be happy because i am getting so much closer to God this past week all i have been doing is reading bible verses and they really do help i know i need to give my worries to God but its just weird i also know that we must suffer on earth because our reward in heaven will be so much greater than any of this, but it sucks to suffer! this one bible verse made me sad cause it was about a certain sin that God saiz not to do, and i use to do it all the time, yeah that was the old me and its not a part of me anymore but it still haunts me, i cant forget. so today me and lindsay went to see wicker park, it was actually a really good movie! It was pretty confusing but it was cool how all the puzzle peices fit together in the end! it was awesome i would definately see it again! but now i totally have a like 3 page history outline to do...and i havent even started! woohoo! that should be cool! Romans 10:14 “But before people can ask the Lord for help, they must believe in him; and before they can believe in him, they must hear about him; and for them to hear about the Lord, someone must tell them” so go tell someone the good news about Jesus, it will make God smile..

sorry, i havent written in like 3 days i have been sick with strep throat and alot of crap is going on in my life, but it doesnt matter because we must suffer on earth because Jesus suffered so that we could sin and just get away with it, cause we are forgiven! So whether i have the worst week of my life (which this week is coming close) i'm still gonna try to have a good attitude! YESSS!! well yesterday me and my mom went to the Jesus chapel the drive there and back was long and awkward, cause she knew something was up with me and she thought i was mad at her for some reason, she thinks that alot! but yeah at the Jesus chapel i bought like 5 new devotional books and already read some of ALL of them, they are addicting, i neveer knew how awesome reading was! and i bought a new bible cause ive wanted a new one for like a year now, and a case for it! then i bought this bag that saiz "hard core christian" its cool and i like it :-)! i also got a present for Jessica its just a lil thing, i got something for ashlee too but i dont know if she will like it! hmm..i hope i didnt infect the people at the jesus chapel with my sickness :-(! so today im home all alone cause my parents went up to flagstaff with my brothers and 2 other families and i couldnt go cause i was sick! and yesterday my sister left with andy to go to the lake and CAMP with them..bahah poor lindsay its her and a bunch of junior boys! im praying for her...haha! well thats it I LOVE JESUS "Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord,' but not do what i say?" -Luke 6:46 "If we live, we are living for the Lord, and if we die, we are dying for the Lord. So living or dying, we belong to the Lord" -Romans 14:8 "If we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering" -Romas 8:17 that last one helped me alot to realize ever though im going through hard times, Jesus went through worse and if i wanna proclaim that Jesus is my Lord and share the glory with him, then i should share the suffering he had to go through to clean my sins away!