okay so yeah i havent written in here for a while well i did but it got deleted 2 times and i got really mad so now im writing again! so on wednesday my whole high school went to a retreat up at pine summit and it totally rocked...here lemme tell you about in detail! so the bus ride there was cool! me and jessica were already having fun before the bus even started moving! i was thinking alot too, about how God was gonna work at this retreat and fun stuff like that..i was also thinking how its stupid when people talk about suicide so lightly like its no big deal and they make fun of it..anywayz! katie read all of us a story out of a magazine..that was interesting! then me and jessica took this quiz and one of the questians was "your boyfriend writes you a song named amelia, your name is karrie, what do u do?" hahahha you might not think thats funny but we really enjoyed that! ha! then dani totally mooned the car behind the bus..haha that was hilarious! oh yeah and i got to see cassie's mexican family and ex fiance! hhaa (i love you mexi!) okay so then we arrived at pine summitt and got settled in and crap! i stayed in a room with jessica, caitlin, ali, dani, katie, cassie, ashlyn, lexi, and natalie! that was alot fo fun! so that night the service was cool, i loved the worship but i always love worhship! ha after it me and jessica were writing 5:11 notes out side and pahnke cam over and put beetles on jessicas head, i found it hilarious..but she didnt! the next day i took alot of pictures that morning! and la la la the sessions were cool again and stuff ..in the middle of the day jessica found a hideous mark on her face but we had to write 5:11 notes so we went outside and sat all alone to write them, but the daniel and pahnke came up and pahnke started making fun of her..ha he does that alot! it was funny though and her hideous mark is all better now! hahaha! well at the services that day i cried..i cried at all of them cause of reasons...yeah! that night there was an optional worship service for anyone who wanted to go! id say about 55 people showed up, maybe more! it was totally amazing though! everyone was crying and it was just so incredible, the presence of God is so amazing! during that thomas could tell i was sad so after the worship we were talking and i told him alot of stuff that i had been dealing with and i was crying and crap..and he was being really nice and stuff! last time we kinda formed a relationship was at missions and that didnt really last so ..yeah i dont know if this will ..anywayz! i got alot closer to thomas, donte, and blake there! they are soo cool and awesomeness! and i met 2 new friends named catherine and jasmine! they are super cool..and i officially met steve johnson..! yaya! everyone rocks so much! well then the next day i was sad coa it was the last day! on our way back to az (haha jessica) we stopped by the sca vs. mayer football, to eat dinner and watch only half the game! but yeah we won.. by the 3 points the only points scored..haha! yaa, i totally spilled ketchup all over my jacket at dinner..lol, i had a nice talk with pahnke there, cept hes so popular people kept on coming up and interrupting me! oh well! then the ride home from there was a total blast! me, cait, and jessica were seeing jesus songs and it was fun! then me and jess decided to be amelia and karrie (from the questian in the magazine) so we took pictures of us and how we thought amelia and karrie looked! haha amelia has an attitude and karrie is retarded! hahahahha! me and cait took lots of pictures together too! haha! yeah it rocked! heres like 3 poems that i wrote combined into one.. I feel your presence and fall to my knees Heal me, forgive me, Watch me Lord please Fix this heart to follow after you You are the reason behind all that I do Use me in your ways; put me in your light Guide me in your path; give me your clear sight You dry my tears and fill my heart Tell me where to be Lord, where do I start? My life's been hard and I’m so confused I tried to fight, but now I’m broken and bruised But you were there carrying me every step of the way I didn’t realize that I felt so alone and astray There were 2 paths to choose from and I chose wrong This path killed my spirit and made me less strong The battle scars will always remind me How I didn’t trust you, but you trusted me If it wasn’t for that path I wouldn’t be who I am now I learned so many lessons...and I learned how to be Christ-like, to be more like you... I learned to be loyal, honest and true The devil tried so hard to pull me away But you are the one I will always obey My lips will be used to sing you praise My feet will be used to follow in your ways Your ears will listen when my lips pray I will lift my hands to you everyday When life is bad and everythings wrong I’ll turn up the music and sing you a song “I will forever love you...I will never leave” That’s a promise from you that I believe It’s also a promise from me to you Cause you gave me the strength to make it through And if you asked has it been worth the fight Lord I’d do it all again I LOVE JESUS! then when i got home bad stuff happened, i dont really feel like saying it so im not going too but yeah the devil is alreayd trying to bring me down but i cant let him...i wont! yea so this weekend has been really hard on me and really confusing, ive pretty much been in my room all weekend listening to wroship musci and reading the bible and other christian books! its been fun actually! but im kind of in depression..its weird, maybe im not i dont know im so confused! but i love Jesus with all ym heart and i know he wont put me through anything i cant handle...in the end this will only make me a stronger person~ cait has been helping me tons so has jessica! thank you so much guys i love you