hmm...so today is fathers day and i only saw my dad once, i said 'happy fathers day' he said 'thank you' and i said 'your welcome' well thats more than we usually talk! ive never had a close relationship with my dad, never he never seemed to want one so i just never cared! but lately for some reason ive been wanting that relationship that ive never had, i feel like ive been missing something in my life, but im all gorwn up now i cant have it- ive always wanted to be a daddys girl but it too late now, our chance is over if only he realized that! i remember this one time i went fishing with my dad..thats the only time we've ever done something together, the only time, its sad really...but ive never really had that close of a relationship with my mom either i definately have a better relationship with her than my dad but i just feel weird talking to her about stuff i dont know, shes been getting mad at me lately for never talking to her but what do i say to her? what are we suppose to talk about? and shes been acting different lately ever since she wanted a divorse shes just been acting different my sister agrees with me! hmm well ive been different lately, im not sure why i have been cussing alot and thats not me, i am not a cusser i usually tell people not to do it, well i havent been cussing out loud in front of people just to myelf and in my head and sometimes online but i dont understand cuz thast not me i dont know who i am anymore i cant trust anyone theres only one person i can trust and only one i have ever trusted and thats ashlee she has ALWAYS been there for me and i know that im so comfortable around her im not like that with ANYONE ELSE not even my sister, me and my sis are really close but i still dont tell her everything, i tell ashlee more than i tell everyone its not everything though theres something that i dont tell people and i dont know what it is, but its the reason that ive been cussing and its the reason i like to be alone but i dont know what it is, weird huh? theres just been so much drama in my life more than ever before! and i dont think i have the strength to handle im not ready for it parents say that these year are the best and easiest years but they are so wrong maybe it was easier for them? but things have changed...alot...anywayz i havent talked to AAP in a long time its the longest we havent talked but he came back today so i should be able to talk to him tomorrow! so this chick robyn (bob) IMed me yesterday and shes been great! it was random but shes been helping me so thx babe! and ashlee oh my dear ashlee i love you more than anything! you are honestly my angel and the only reason im not suicidal honestly, you kept me in here and you were ALWAYS there when i needed you no matter what! i dont know what i would do if u were gone i would prolly stay in my room all day and all night and quit school and just cry cuz u saw that picture you saw what my world would be like! i love you more than anything in the universe you know that! and your the only one i am confortable with and i have 100% fiath in you and i trust you 100% i couldnt ask for a better best friend! you mean the world to me *to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world* thats been our quote since like 4th grade and it wont stop being our quote! i love you, your truly amazing and mor ethan i could ever ask for!!! your heaven sent! you are so blessed you have no idea and i am so blessed to ave u as my best best!! hehe! i love you, your awesome! well i think that was the longest entry i have ever written and i feel good letting stuff out but the way things are headed for me i doubt this will be the last long entry i will be having..well bye <3 YoUrS tRuLy