i think more and more about what i believe in every day. i don't have a stable religion, and i'm not sure what i believe either. today my mom dragged me to church again. i didn't really mind because i find it all quite funny actually. i made jokes in my head and sang along to the songs. obviosuly my heart wasn't in it. my momns friend toby was like begging me to go into his brothers highschool group thing and like i said no for the longest time and i finally gave in because church is soooo boring. and when i walked in he like screamed my name and everyone was like "hiii rebecca" and i was like "uhm hii" and so i sat and listened to this guy talk. at the begining he asked if anyone wanted to say the first prayer and this guy said he wanted to. when he started to talk, he sounded a little off, but i just didn't think anything of it. he went on talking to his higher power about how much he cared about his family and his ill grandma. i just sat there listening and taking it all in. then the youth leader, who i thought was very cute, started talking about the four Rs and stuff, but thats not important in this entry. so a little later they handed out these plan things on reading your bible. and you were supposed to write down [for yourself] how often you'd like to sit and read the bible. and the kid who said the first prayer said, "josiah, i need some help" and obviously the youth leader didn't hear him so i heard the guy next to him [who seemed like he was a little bit full of himself] say, "hey budd you need some help?" and the other guy asked him how to do the plan paper. and the guy told him, and was helping him spell the different words and he was being so nice to him. it made me want to cry. it was so sad that the kid was mentally chalenged but the guy next to him was so nice, and it made me like really happy. when me and my mom left to go pick out her wedding dress, i was in the car and i told her the story and i just started crying. i felt so, tingly. i realized that some people actually like care. i don't know why it affected me like that, but it did...

most people have the moms that tell them they're beautiful. some of them have the moms that go out of there way to let them know that they're "so pretty" or "beautiful" or "amazing", but i guess my mom missed the meeting that told all the moms that they were supposed to tell they're kids that they're prtty, even if they're not. i've just been feeling not so pretty lately, and at first i just pushed it aside, but then it just started to really bother me. Shannons mom goes out of her way to tell shannon how pretty she is, everyday. i love it. i'm so happy shannon gets to here that because i know how it feels to not here it. i think i've heard my mom say it to me once in the past like 2 or 3 years. i was upset because people had been making fun of my nose and all she could say was "oh becca shut up you're beautiful even with your nose."...as you might have guessed, that didn't help the situation at all. today i told my mom that i no longer was going to shave. i see no point in it. she said she sees no point in the computer. she can suck my fat one. but then she started getting all mad at me because i wasn't like her. well atleast thats what she said. i sat there and when she started telling me that i care what people think and that i'm going to feel awful when people make fun of me for not shaving, i got mad. really really mad. i started yelling but realized there was no point so i shut up. i started to get all teary eyed. i hate that. so then we kept driving and i asked her if she thought i was pretty and all she said was "yeah, but you're going to have an even harder time getting a boyfriend if you don't shave." can you believe that? boy she has some nerve. but i like shannons mom, she tells me i'm pretty. and when she says it i smille and look at her and i can tell by the look that she gives me that not only does she mean it, but she knows i don't hear it much. i don't know how she knows, maybe because i get an automatic smile when she says it, but i don't care how she knows it just matters that she cares enough to say it.

I REALLY DO and i want to have her babies!!! DUHHH lesbian sex forever

leaving!!!! and i dont like this song. hah

Jolly Orgasmic Hottt!!! Ninja fighter[like becca] john you are cool you are great we could dance we should MATE! hah yeah right thats gross eww john germs! justkidding:P beccalovesjohn....DUH!

hmmm... where to start? well i'm home sick, which is always fun. i mean sorta. i've been home the past two days and so like i'm kinda bored because i couldn't sleep in this morning and there is NOTHING good on tv. :- but anyway my life has been ok i suppose. nothing too interesting or boring. i haven't had any life changing experiences and i haven't snorted some crack or killed anyone so hmmmm. what to write about? well i'll write about music. i have a song that's changed my life. music is how i feel. it's how i talk and yeah i'm going to be like everyone else who walks, talks, an has a myspace and say "music is my life" but how many people can honestly say they truly breath music. no i don't have any special talents and i can only attempt to play an instrunment. no i'm not a musician and no i'm not in a serious band but i don't do much other than listen to music, read, talk on the phone, and sleep with the occasional shower and meal. i have favorite bands and musicians, if we have a conversation i'll proabably mention a really good band, a song that's changed my life, or a song that you'll love. yeah no one even reads my sitdiary anymore. i don't know why i write in it anymore...i totally aggree with glenn and alyssa, SITDIARY IS DEAD. yeah people go on for the occasional checking of there comments but other than that...who honestly can say they get on almost everyday and read someone else's newest entries and write one for themself? i mean i go on almost everyday to read brooke and justines sit but i hardly ever update anymore. ok moving on... i'm so bored. and i think i'm going to go read and take a shower and get ready for a funeral. lovely, yes? i stay home sick and get to go to a funeral. god i &hearts semi-colon life. hah. my back hurts. and i'm done for now. <3

well....mom's home and she just told me to go read so this is going to be short. i'll write a real entry tomorrow or something i suppose. write now i have to pee and the fact that im drinking water isn't helping my bladder. ugh so basically i haven't done anything too interesting recently just like hung out with cool people. me and john are becoming REAL good friends and i'm really happy with my friends right now. i mean like there is some shit going on between me and some stupid catty fake friend but like other than that im good. i dont have much of a life at the moment seeing that i'm grounded from shows and myspace. sucky, huh? yeah well thats what you get for... 1. telling the truth on your myspace. [saying you were bisexual] 2. partying with the thunder boys 3. coming home with a hickie from a guy you didn't really know all that well but hey why not live life to the fullest? right. lol and so now i'm off to read and write an essay.... <3hasta

hiii everyone. i had an amazing break, sadly i still have a huge essay to do but besides that, i have had a wonderfulspectactularlovely break. and yeah i partied with the thunderboys and im proud to say i was the only one who did not show my breasts, i mean there was nothing wrong with doing that but i didnt feel the need to expose myself or be violated by a bunch of drunk boys, who proabably wont remember that im alive. so basically i dont minddd i went to a good show but missed the thunderboys...but i mean i got a good aftershow. and some funny pictures. lol. anddd uhmm yeah that was saturday oh yeah i met a boyy. he's real cute and sadly im digging his drive. i wish i didnt. i really wish i didnt because im not in the mood to have a boy nott like me back. bleh. but anyway you never know. he could like me, yes? well i dont know. oh and wednesday, i dont remember wednesday. and thursday, i ate mashed potatoes. yumm i dont like thanksgiving at all though. but it was still fun spending it with shannon and stuff. friday was most deffinately yellow sunday is today and i have to do an essay woo for the bigbirdbowlingpin who is making me do thisss. and im off and running away. so i'll leave you with a few quotes from some funny kids. "shannons kinda great" - keil "alright you guys im leaving, dont do anything illegal" -andrew mcmullen "this is my jacket, and im putting it in my room" -andrew mcmullen "titties" -the party crew? lol i dont know who said it first yeah and im done

god. well right now im sorta feeling like bummed but anyway today was goodish. i woke up wayyyy late and was late to biology [as usual] but it wasnt really my fault. like i had the worst monthly day i've had in like fifty years and i assume it was because i thought i was pregnant because it hadn't come in like....5 months. but anyway thats beside the point. school was ok and i wore the coolest dress everrrr! yeah and like after school i walked with brooke and justine to justines house and kyle came to and then we went to camino real to take pictures. we ordered pizza and talked and laughed. it was fun. we took some pictures and stuff. kyle is a real cool guy. like i used to think he was sorta wayyy gone to even be able to hold a conversation but actually he's a really cool guy. so pictures maybe? yesss kyle and brooke me duhhh me again the picnic kidsss yeah so it was fun. justine takes real good pictures. im wayy tired. im starting to feel like shannon is the only person who actually understands me. like i feel so cynical towards everyone around me. like i just cant trust anyone. and im content with who i am on the inside but sometimes i feel like no one really knows the person im content with.

[ ] I am a university student. [x] I am a cuddler. [more like awesome] I am an okay dancer. [ ] I am a huge fan of lists. [ ] I am a morning person. [ ] I am a perfectionist. [ ] I am a Republican. [ ] I am allergic to something deadly. [ ] I am an only child. [ ] I am Catholic. [x] I am content as of this moment. [x] I am currently in my pajamas. [x] I am currently pregnant. [x] I am currently single. [ ]I am embarrassed to be seen with my mother or father. [ ] I am currently suffering from a breaking heart. [ ] I am okay at styling other people's hair. [ ] I am left handed. [x] I am married. [ ] I am obsessed with my Xanga. [x] I am online 24/7, even as an away message. [x] I am procrastinating by filling out this list. [x] I am resentful that I have to grow up. [ ] I am very shy around the opposite sex. [ ] I am, or was, pigeon-toed. [x] I bite my nails. [x] I can be paranoid at times. [ ] I carry a weapon with me everywhere I go. [ ] I collect picture frames. [ ] I currently have a crush on someone. [x] I consider myself to be a 'nerd'. I dont see how im not ['no regret' thats my moto] I currently regret something that I have done/am doing. [x] I curse frequently. [x] I do not believe people are inherently good or evil. [haha yeah right.] I don't hate anyone. [ ] I enjoy country music. [ ] I enjoy jazz music. [x] I enjoy smoothies. [x] I enjoy talking on the phone. [ ] I have a ...car or truck. [cellular device that is indestructable is what i have] I have a mobile phone. [x] I have a hard time paying attention at school. [im still looking for it] I have a hidden talent. [x] I have a hobby. [x] I have a lot to learn. [x] I have a pet. [ ] I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. [x] I have a tendency to fall for the "wrong" guy. [ ] I have all my (real) grandparents, none of them have died. [x] I have at least one brother and/or sister. [ ] I have avoided work to play with my Xanga. [x] I have been in a real relationship. [ ] I have been in a threesome. [x] I have been rejected by someone. [ ] I have been the "psycho ex" in a past relationship. [x] I have been to another country. [ ] I have been to an anime convention. [ ] I have been to Europe. [x] I have been to Las Vegas. [ ] I have been told that I am very smart. [x] I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor. [ ] I have broken a bone. [x] I have Caller I.D. on my phone. [x] I have changed a diaper. [ ] I have changed a lot over the past year. [ ] I have cheated on a significant other. [x] I have counted down the days until the summer. [ ] I have dated my best friend's ex. [x] I have done something illegal. [ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. [x] I have gone scuba diving/snorkling. [ ] I have had major/minor surgery. [ ] I have had my hair cut within the last week. [ ] I have had sex with someone I was not in a relationship with. [ ] I have had the cops called on me. [snogged?] I have snogged someone I knew I shouldn't. [wtf is snogged? ] I have snogged someone of the same sex. [ ] I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past. [x] I have mood swings. [x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. [ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months. [x] I have rejected someone before. [ ] I have seen The Lord of the Rings trilogy. [ ] I have seen the television show The O.C. [x] I have swam in the ocean. [x] I have tried sushi. [ ] I have watched Sex and the City. [x] I have watched the television show Spongebob Squarepants. [x] I know how to shoot a gun. [ ] I like being the center of attention. [ ] I like eating Ramen noodles. [sorta] I like my handwriting. [ ] I like Shakespeare. [ ] I like the taste of blood. [x] I like to cook. [x] I like to sing. [ ] I like to vacuum. [ ] I love learning foreign languages. [ ] I love Michael Jackson. [x] I love my friends. [ ] I love olives. [x] I love rain. [x] I love sleeping. [ ] I love to play computer games. [ ] I love to shop. [x] I miss someone right now. [x] I own 100 CDs or more. [ ] I own a home. [ ] I own and use a library card. [ ] I play a musical instrument. [ ] I practice a religion that is not considered mainstream. [x] I read books for pleasure. [x] I shave my legs. [x] I sleep a lot during the day. [meh its ok] I strongly dislike math. [ ] I think Britney Spears is pretty. [x] I think long strings of html code look cool. [ ] I think that Pizza Hut makes the best pizza. [x] I think the world would be a better place if people just smiled more often. [ ] I was born in a country other than the USA. [ ] I watch more TV this year than last year. [ ] I watch soap operas on a regular basis. [ ] I wear contact lenses. [almost] I will try anything once. [ ] I work at a job that I enjoy. [xxx DUH] I would classify myself as ghetto. [x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. [ ] I like orange kool aid. [x] I can name all 7 of the dwarfs from 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs'. [ ] I like being at school. [x] I always love wearing sweaters. [ ] I love water polo. [ ] I am currently wearing socks. [huh?] I am being nostalgic right now. [ ] I hate summer. [x] I am tired. [x for fun] I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt/take pictures I have.... [x] been drunk. [x] smoked a ciggarette. [x] smoked pot. [ ] done ecstasy. [ ] done coke. [ ] done crack. [ ] done heroin. [ ] done shrooms. [ ] done opium. [ ] done PCP. [ ] done LSD. [ ] done CCC's. [x] done prescription narcotics for recreational purposes. [ ] huffed air-duster. [ ] been to a rave. [ ] been to a real party. [x] kissed someone. [ ] ridden in a taxi. [ ] jumped a ramp with a bike. [x] been dumped. [x] been used. [x] shoplifted. [well...its a long story but yes] ran from the cops. [ ] been in a room of your school that you could get suspended for being in [ ] been fired. [ ] been kicked out of a movie theater. [x] snuck into a movie. [ ] been in a fight. [ ] got hit by a car. [x] fired a real gun. [x] snuck out of your parent's house. [ ] been arrested. [x] gone in a mosh pit. [does clay count?] stolen something from your school. [ ] celebrated new years in times square. [sorta] gone on a blind date. [x] lied to a friend. [ ] had a crush on a teacher. [ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans. [ ] been to europe. [x] skipped school. [x] thrown up from drinking. [x] played 'clue' [x] had a sleepover party. [x] gone ice skating. [sorta] cheated on a bf/gf. [ ] been cheated on. [ ] had your tonsils out. [ ] been exposed to laughing gas. [ ] had a car. [x] driven a car. [ ] Totaled a car. Do you... [somtimes] feel loved. [x] feel lonely. [x] feel happy. [ ] hate yourself. [x] have a dog. [x] have your own room. [x] sing along with your music. [x everyday. and im serious] dance around the house in your underwear. [ ] listen to Hawaiian Music. [ ] listen to underground hip hop. [ ] listen to rap. [x] listen to classic rock. [x] listen to new rock. [ ] listen to country. [x] listen to reggae. [x] listen to techno. [ ] listen to hardcore punk [ ] listen to pop. [ ] listen to r&b. [ ] listen to jazz. [ ] listen to crooners. [ ] listen to gospel/worship/christian [x] listen to bands that can't be put into a category. [x] have hobbies. [ ] skateboard. [ ] do aggressive inline. [ ] snowboard. [ ] ski. Are you... [x] bored. [im content] happy. [learning] bilingual. [ ] Hawaiian. [ ] blonde [x] a brunette [ ] a redhead [ ] Black hair [ ] Samoan. [ ] Filipino. [ ] Korean. [ ] British. [x] white. [ ] Italian [x] black. [ ] Inuit [ ] Mexican. [x] Asian. [ ] a Christian [ ] a Muslim [x yes but i hate the term 'jew'] a Jew [ ] a Hindu [ ] a scientologist [ ] an atheist [ ] satanist [ ] short. [ ] tall [x] just right [x] realistic [ ] an emo kid [x]sick [ ] mad [x] lazy. [ ] talking to someone. [ ] IMing someone. [ ] scared to die. [ ] buzzed [ ] high [ ] caffeinated [x] sleepy. [x] annoyed. [ ] hungry. [x] thirsty. [ ] on the phone. [ ] in your room. [x] drinking something. [ ] eating something. [x] ticklish. [x] listening to music.

bleh. im sick. it sucks. i feel sooo shitt. and im going to bed and its only 8:15. i had a good weekend. but today sucked cuz i felt icky. im in love with green tea. its like my favorite. but anyway friday was fun. me and ellen went to burger king and had like $9 it was fun. especially when chris showed up. we chilled for awhile. it was quite lovely. hes a cool kid and i think we're going back tomorrow [monday] yeah and it'll be real fun. but like afterwards i came home and sat for a reall long time. then saturday i woke up and i was supposed to ride my bike with shannon down to the pier but she realized that she didnt have a bike at like 11:00am on saturday morning. it was quite funny actually, but then we just ended up going down to main street to go thrift store shopping. it was funn. i got a purse, a cooool dress, and a2 sweaters. it was real fun. then we walked around to a couple more stores and decided it was time for the pier. we went down there and sat. then we walked over to some rocks and sat and talked and stuff. it was cool. then we left and she realized her purse was gone so we went lots of places trying to find and thank godd it was in blue moon. then we went and sat by century theaters and waited for her parents. there were seriously like 60 people we knew there. it was sooo weird. yeah then dinner then anchor man and our usual laughing night. then we slept. and i woke up feeling real shitty. sunday has been bleh. mom got real mad. i layed around, took a bath..ya know the usual. bright eyes is amazing. yeah thats basically my weekend. funn yeah...not amazing but decent. mmkay im off to bed♥

god bone me

blehhh. im tired times 10. thats what i think. thats what i say. mmkay? k cool. so anyway alot of shit has happened. i havent had like a reall good entry in awhile. wow im really really dizzy right now and the chair is moving back and forth and so is the computer screen. well actually thats just how i feel. omfg. weird ok but seriously anyway.. i just got home. i got my hair cut. it looks cute, i just wish my face was cute too. uhm i went to disneyland with shannon this week. my nan came and picked us up on monday and we stayed at her house that night. good times. seriously like that saying totally grosses me out but really really good times. we laughed forrr soooo long. and i am deathly afraid of ceiling fans. yeah so like then we woke up early the next day and went to disneyland.... there are NO hot guys at disneyland like im so serious. it is soooo depressing. gahh and like so it was fun and funny we ran around for basically three days. and did whatever we pretty much wanted to. it was funny. then we saw a holy shit hott guy but we had left disneyland and were walking down downtown disney. but still. he made up for like 50 sexy boys. mhm so that was fun. thennn we went to my nanas last night and stayed. we watched tv on the couch and ate food. i think i gained 4 pounds. bleh. but still it was fun. i reaslized that none of this is real. my computer that im typing on right now is fake. and i was like so weirded out i mean how do they get the effing people on to the tv and make them walk around. like i just dont get it. and how yeah well you know what i mean. its so confusing. i quit life. uhmmm im tired and still dizzy theeee end

welll becca no longer has boyfriend beccas sad about this but has her eye on new boy yet still likes old boy blehhh beccas supposed to be in bed. but she isnt becca sorta enjoys school because she likes a few select people who go there. the rest she hatess. even if she doesnt know them. but she could care less what others think of her. yeah she knows she sounds bitchy she doesnt care now shes playing question game with new boy. its getting interesting. he thinks im a beautiful person on the inside but i just choose not to show it sometimes...hmm i wonder what that means. well im off to talk to him ♥

today is a shitty day. everyone hates sundays especially me JUST FUCKING SHOOT ME

hate my mom. yeah i hate my mom

yeah well i dont really remember what i said before in updates but. hmmm. me and katherine hung out and it was fun. thats like all. i have just been hanging out with people. i went to venice beach. we saw a lot of very odd people. me and katherine made funny movies on my digital camera. we laughed alot. we went and saw jeff today that was cool. tomorrow im going to danielles birthday party. im really tired. i miss alot of stuff right now. i feel like im losing alot of stuff including my mind. im think too much. im worrying too much. im scared. and it sucks. help please!!

im sad. i miss david. hes grounded. loser

im a cool dino: hows ur bobsledding coming along? im a cool dino: win any races lately? ilikethelike44: oh yeah i just won the semi-national bobsledding races ilikethelike44: the prize was a hat!!! im a cool dino: crazy ilikethelike44: YEESSSSSSS im a cool dino: so ur going to finals? ilikethelike44: oh yes most certainly im a cool dino: mne too im a cool dino: *me ilikethelike44: but franz feeklematter is also in it im a cool dino: i just need some cash to get a plane ticket to alaska ilikethelike44: and hes one greedy motherfucker im a cool dino: hes so god ilikethelike44: he cheats i tell you! im a cool dino: *good im a cool dino: yes yes he does im a cool dino: we have no chance against that nigg im a cool dino: i say we jump him with our box cutters and cut him. ilikethelike44: LETS HILL HIM! ilikethelike44: yesss im a cool dino: lol ilikethelike44: i am gonna cut off his penis im a cool dino: (yes someone FINALLY played along) ilikethelike44: hahaha im a cool dino: yes and ill cut off his ears im a cool dino: and nose im a cool dino: cuz hed look funny ilikethelike44: hahahaha yeah ilikethelike44: THEN WE WILL LEAVE HIM ilikethelike44: he cant race without a nose! ilikethelike44: or penis! ilikethelike44: or ears! im a cool dino: and hell bleed to death in the ice im a cool dino: exactly im a cool dino: u need all those things to bobsled im a cool dino: ya kno. im a cool dino: i think were gunna have a problem. we have no penis im a cool dino: but its ok im a cool dino: we have a hole ilikethelike44: hahaha ilikethelike44: HOLE BEATS PENIS im a cool dino: oh im gunna win the race brooke u bobsleding loserrr im a cool dino: god brooke u should know by now that blue is the color of losersss im a cool dino: i mean comeon im a cool dino: face it brooke im a cool dino: ur a loser im a cool dino: u always have been and always will be im a cool dino: just move on from blue and u mite be a little better off. yet i will still find another flaw ilikethelike44: well at least I'M A LOSER WITH A HAT im a cool dino: and ull still be a loser ilikethelike44: its actually a sombrero im a cool dino: oh yeah well. im gunna win the national final things and ill have a hat anddddd gloves im a cool dino: oh beat that im a cool dino: OOOOO ilikethelike44: hahahaha im a cool dino: ::burns brooke:: im a cool dino: you just got burnnnnned ilikethelike44: hahaha im a cool dino: wait theirs no fire in alaska im a cool dino: jk im a cool dino: u just got freezer burned im a cool dino: ooooo im a cool dino: frost bite baby ilikethelike44: hahaha im a cool dino: shindigs dry penis...wrinkle im a cool dino: cLark lOst the Super racE in Really big hills!!! im a cool dino: hahaha ilikethelike44: lol im a cool dino: im not sending subliminal messages hey guess what im 169months and 1 day old today. YAY! id rather be a hammer than a nail.

i should update....nahh