sleep? after that conversation! hah!!!!!!!! never. its official ive found him, and hes been with me for a year. im going nuts not to mention the legal speed, its 4 in the am. and i wnt sleep i just finished talking to him. brandon broke up with me today an i didnt care! im so amazed stoked i dont want to wake up. EVER. you would know why i was so happy if you knew eric. wow. EEEEEEEEEE> he IS amazing. i must be the luckiest ever.

probably the most uninteresting subject to most. if you live in the area, you know the rumors. the truth rather. i have a boyfriend in moorpark and the love of my life right infront of me. for a year now, and i dontknow why i didnt doanything. he was in love with me even when i weighed 140 pounds. and because of the eating disorders ive managed to wiggle my way down to a comfy 110. that i dont mind publicly saying, because the people that live here, already know. and the people that dont dont matter. dont even exist as far as i know. i havent made my mind to them. we are specks. the one im inlove with, he's confused about his sexuality. and today i told him something after he told me that he was like in love with me the first four months we met, i told him i didnt love him because at first glance i knew i didnt have a chance. but today when brandon asked me to be his, i said yes, but i meant no. all i could think about was him... i signed off. i wont talk tohim till tomorrow if that. and i'llbe rotting inside till then. i feel terrible. i dont know what to do. all that i know, is that i dont know anything, and i love him. www.myspace.com/alyssa9936

i had a breakdown yesterday. no more please.

last night was doms party i had fun i loveeeth though eric to deaaaaaath i really do we sang together last night and that was the thing that made me happiest ive been in a wierd mood lately due to a lack of intake. annnnnnnnnnnyhow. i had a good time. good enough at least. seems lik i was having a better time when i was outside then inside. i like outside. gahhhhhh. kc left foothill to go to buenaa. dumbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb........ we miss you kc. haha i say things because im jealous. love you danyell E> always and for fucking ever.

hii, friends again. its gonna stay that way i swear. im sick its dumb. so is myspace. however this song is wonderful pieces of you in me it makes so much sense. i used to love them in 6th grade. i do again. anyways.i just took nyquill and its disgusting. ive made a new BFFL i love her to death. and i dont care what anyone says so just back off if youve got something shitty to say. i dont wanna here it. i miss having a boy. im bored.

i keep gettin my hopes up. for multipul things at once. and they dont usually work out. whos happy, and why are they happy? i want to know so i can be like them. ewww im bummed. i hate being upset. jusssssssssttttttttttooooooooopppppp. fuckin dumb. bye ----------------------- almost january- i can hardly remeber why iwas upset in the first place. anyways, im not upset. im fine, but i dont know what im going to do tonite. which is dumb. im on sit alot lately. whcihc is cool. i missed it ---------------------------- almost there. but its definately not a good one and i wish she wouldnt hit me.

oh gosh im over this ive been seriously considering screwing up my life becoming a bum and never talking seriously to anyone ever again. woeiujflsdjfdslkjfds thank god for sitdiary and complaining. no one wants to listen to this shit except good old shitdiary. ugh i dont want to feel like this ever. im just fucking bummed im not sure if i have a reason to either. lameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee fuck boys fuck the other gender and their testostarone im not a lesbian but i think girls are better were more beautiful and elegent and just more appealing. and now im just ranting. yea. rant on. yeah i wanna be over this. lets gain 394832094803248 pounds then no one will pay attention to you and i'll just move to africa. yeah.

well hey there im bored. and im on sitdiary. anyways........ last night was an awful night. seems like you only know what something REALLY is until way after wards. and it hit. im not gonna go into detail i dont think. but im just kinda over emotions. or at least i want to be. im so confused. so lelts leave it at that. what happens happens. i dont wanna be the one making the choices all the damn time. and just coming from glenns sit glenn who is cool enough to realize that sitdiary is superior to myspace. anyways. ive been thinking like he has for about 4 months now. i miss the old days. ohkay. old as in earlier this year. alrite over this entry. to anyone who still uses sit......... LEAVE COMMENTS!!!

My dearest danyell- you are cool. and awesome. and amazingly BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! anyhow. yes iwill call you i tried to today but your phone is gay. so i wrote this anyway. because you are... im going to stop trying to ryme. i wuv youw.

wow too entries in one day! its magnificent. but not really. the other one is private which means you cant read it haha im better. i have to get rid of this thing. but its alrite. im ok soooooooooooooooooyeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh im kinda bored. eric jsut told me we have practice tomorrow and i cant come. lame huh, i have a lesson. anyways i think im going to hang outwith this real neat guy. yeappppppppppppppppp latreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

blah blah blah blah blahhh i love dr. vamelderhide they were great tonite. the proles to. joaquin was gone but the still did good. great.

so well im still writing in this. but yeah haha onward :) so me and robert, not necessarily the greatest match. were so different. but yeah. i jsut found out a good ol pal of mine likes me and that makes me real happy bc i used to like him just never thought he wud like me. it makes me happy. today after school i went to the los tacos with nikki sam ryan charrrly oscar and so on... it was pretty cool, then i came home. its pouring out side. but so pretty. anyways my scratches and bruises are healing. ive gone without to many people noticing which im pretty sure is good. im cold. haha just went to go check my phone. golly im lame. eh anyhow, im almost excited for school tomorrow. kinda. haha i dont know... anyhow. i'll write again i always do.

the past few days are odd. friday was a great show. like really. there was one kid with a toy airplane. he was great. hah. then saturday i had my picture taken by some nice old lady, for no reason. saturday nite i was asked out at the show by a wonderful boy who is very nice an pretty. one thing is. i dont want to be in a relationship right now. im sick of boys. i just want to date around. i hate matt. ugh. but yeah if im not in a relationship i always have commitments to hang out with all kinds of guys which makes everything so nervous. anywho i said yes and i was real happy im just gonna see how this goes. sunday i went to an arabic festival in griffith park. it was strange. but i go tto se my cuzins and thats all that matters. today i walked donw to the thrift store after school and saw joe. joe is cool. hah. and im so excited about the dr. vamelderhide show. so that is cool. im thinking lately. im not much at all to look at. its kind of annoying but i try to ignore it. i dont know. im just going to shut up. i need to finish this homeowrk. thats wat i get for being a fothil kid. haha no one ever reads these things. its great. anyhow. thats all ta ta

he didnt call me for 2 days so i thought we were broken up. thats wat he did with his last gf. ugh. finally the 3rd day i called him just so we wudnt get off on a bad note, and he said we didnt break up and he was just pissed off at me. haha then i got mad at him bc for TWO days i went thru a break up trying to get over him. my hardesT! for nothing! jsut bc he was pissed. so i told him i didnt know if i wanted to go out with him or not he got pissed we decided on a break. the next day i called him bc i missed him. and we ended up losing the break and we are going back out again but today he really pissed me off bc he said he doesnt like my friend bc hes gay wats lame is he doesnt even know him.ugh. he can be relaly immature and lame. but i know if i break up with him i'll miss him like crazy. its just upsetting he doesnt like anyone.

this pretty much is really upsetting. i always thought we cud get thru everything. things arent always as they seem then. me and matt, i think we broke up. i mean im pretty sure if u get into a fite the nite b4, and i say that things arent the same, then the next day i get no call. i think that was it. 2 months, longest ive ever gone. i feel so crushed,i know i was going to b.c things WERENt the same, but i cant help but feel sad. he was the only guy i really ever loved so much. man its so lame, i dont know tho. he always said he cudnt live with out me he wud commit suicide if i left him...that we were going to get married, and the first time we got into a fite he said he wud never break up with me, he cudnt. now i guess im not that important, hah... i feel so like unwanted. for some reason...but i really really do miss him. i know im going to get over it. i dont want to be with him anylonger, doesnt mean i cant miss him. b/c i do. like crazy. i'll just have to get over it.

I HATE FTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! die. u die. u die now!!!!! im kinda happy tho. hah. but the whole fths thing... just ruins it. o yeah, im breaking up with matt as soon as i get my keys back, i cant stand him anymore.. later gangsters

ugh our first fite. it sucked. im so pissed off at him. i love him but i fucking HATE him. ugh...... he freaked out wen i didnt say weather i still loved him or not rite away,. i dont know y but im so upset. im so mad. he has to go to fucking court and im supposed to be cool with it or something. and on top of that, hes annoying. he never trusts me, and i dont cheat. im pissed then hes like is this the end? is that it? and i wasnt saying anything and hes lik i gess o. its like lame. i dont know if were still togeth or not. watever i told him i needed to cool down,' an heis like i'll give u cooling time,...and like said i love you. thnn hung up. im so pissed we talkedc for anour that whole time, to come to the conclusion that i cudnt talk. im not even packed for my moms and i start skool tomorrow iand i dont wannt u go. lame watever, im so pissed. and i got a gead ache like none other.

ok so yesterday=best day in a while. no i didnt see matt, but me and nikki spent our first real time together in a month! she picked me up with her lovely new hair which looks absolutly fantastic... theyre cute little side bangs, anyhow... her mom drove us to golf and suff were we saw our other friend matt. we got on the cars for free, and a free round of gulf...it was bayd... hah..well a little later we got picked up and we went home, and then we went walking in our nieghbor hoods...it was so much fun just to be with ehr again. we laugh so much and we talk a damn lot too... after that we went to a movie down town scared the shit out of me...but after that, we walked main street and saw veronica and esteban! who i have not seen in a long time. i was happy, then me and nikki got oreo shakes at busy bees. soo much fun. hah the lady there was so nice to us! haha well after that we dropped her home but i had sucha good time. it kills to have my best friend back.

not looking forward to starting skool.at all. ughhhhhhhhh well anyways, the rest off my summer is going fantasticly, i see my babe everyday. its really fun. and i got my monthly system so nothing to worry about. alotta stress relieved. hah. im even starting to get a few girlfriends, which is cool. besides im sure i'll meet more in h/s. then again girls are a disgrace to society. most that is. well rite now im jsut chillin listening to music. its pretty cool. i know i dont like it. but i miss it, the laughs i mean. i cant deny. then again who wud want anything else. im not pushed around anymore. and the laughs i can get from anyone. but the memories. i'll never share them again.

kinda yea... i love how matt has everyones back, even wen they dont got his. hes a sweetheart. i think, i dont need anything else really. i dont have many girlfriends. thats a little problem for me but i'll get over it. yesterday i lent matt my ipod hes getting into punk and that makes me happy bc i love it, and to here him take intrest in it makes me happy. he likes everything i do, im all excited to show him other good bands. the 3rd: yesterday, me matt nathan and khalela, went to jamba juice, after playing in the garage. then we went to the park. me and matt went on the swings, i had so much fun with him. we danced on the park tables. haha it was so much fun.... we went on a walk yesterday, that was fun. im starting to think that wat i thought isnt true and im hoping it isnt... the 4th: me matt khalela and nathan went to toys r us today, it was so fun.we also went to salzers and i got him a shirt, and i got me three cds yay...hah it was fun, i also got him some new pants. i love him. post script. im sick of people bashing minor threat, theyre not a bad band. i used to love them. and im starting to again. annoying. i dont care wat anyone says,i like them im bummed