As fate would have it I'm stuck in a rut of depression again. I don't know exactly why. Its almost like I think nobody likes me at all in any way whatsoever. I'm an outcast no matter what I do and always stuck in the same old spot. I find all these new people at my school and think I'm connecting with some of them, but in secret I think they are just using me as a funny little scape goat. I know its a strange thoguht to have, but these people are just so wierd. I can't seem to quite like any of them and none of them seem to take a major liking to me. Ther is one though; the one girl I dated and the one girl I still love with all my heart. I guess thats part of my depression. I have a serious problem with clinging to things that I can't have. I always think its because I'm not good enough or that these people I grow attached to just hate me to begin with. I'm so stupid to think I could actually love and be loved back. I'm not sure what to do. Maybe I should except it and go on and try to make the best of it, or maybe I should just turn into the cold hearted bastard that dwells within me and lay the cold shoulder to the whole fucking world. Only time will tell. I'm so confused and I feel almost insane with all these random thoguhts constantly bothering me at every waking second. Am I doomed to a life of anguish? It seems that way. Everyday I wake up and look in the mirror and just stare at my putrid soul. The only word I can mange when I see myself anymore is fuck. As I have said in one of my poems, "now i will just go on morbid and cold, fighting the pain and flipping the folds."