i scroll through to look for the mood i am currently in, but i just can't seem to find one word that describes it. my mood and feelings are all over the place. i am not doing anything with my life. i stay home all day and sleep. i barely even leave my house. i think i am becoming depressed again. i need to get out and do something.. but at this point..i don't want to. i am at that awkward point where i am too depressed to do anything.. but too happy to do nothing. gah. i have been feeling worse ever since i brought Raymond back into my life. granted, i do love talking to him again.. and i am extremely grateful to finally have a friendship with him.. but it has just been really hard lately. i miss him, i really do. and as much as i hate to admit it.. i still think about him all the time. i feel like at this point... i either need to make him one of my really good friends.. or i need to just erase him from my life completely. either one is going to be extremely hard. anyways. good news. me and Britian are doing good. he got me candy for Easter. it was so fucking cute. probably one of the cutest things anyone has ever done for me. he is pretty much the sweetest guy i have ever met :-) well that's all i have to say for now. oh yeah.. and i am going to try and update this a lot more often.. it bugs me that i barely write anymore because i love writing.. so yeah.