i fucking hate you. you can't even begin to understand how much i hate you. you make my life miserable... and you don't even seem to care. i wish you would just fucking die. i promise you i would not shed one fucking tear. i don't understand something. i don't understand how everytime i mention Raymond's name around people.. they get all pissed off and express to me how much they hate him. why do they hate him? i thought that they hated him because of the way that he treated me.. but apparently i was wrong. if they hated him because he used to make me want to cut myself.. and because he made my life a living hell.. then they should hate Jeff [my father] so much more. Jeff makes me hate myself.. and makes me want to kill myself more than anyone i have ever met. no one makes me feel as low and unloved as he does. so someone please tell me how they can try to make me like him.. but are repulsed by the thought of me talking to Raymond. i shouldn't have to like him just because he helped make me. that doesn't mean shit to me. i don't give a fuck if we share the same genes... i will never love him.