i miss my puppy Princess! i'm gonna cry.. i ♥ her to death. >it's kinduh like i'm stuck. i wanna stay here &hang with friends for more time cause if i leave i'll miss them. but if i stay i'll miss the people back in ventura even more then i already do. so what the fuck? thats hardcore suckage right there! hahah i know summer isn't over but it's just not long enough. so this.. i wrote a while ago.. like febuary. it's pretty intense. deep & random. only read if you truly care about my thoughts. do you ever wish you could go back in time? to fix it so you don't go to that one place you met the person who would break your heart the most? or to hide your secret thoughts better from the person who knew you the least? or maybe to not get into something you know would just end up completely wrong, but did it anyways? well maybe that's just me. i am scared of relationships, scared of the outcome. because of you i've learned to trust no one. because of you i have learned to stay away from love. because of you my only good thoughts turn to bad. paranoia. dispassion. aggravation. frustration. dissapointment. stress. confusion. deep comtemplation only to lead to bad choices. the only way to get rid of it is to relieve stress in ways not allowed by authority. that's not right, not a good way of help at all. but i still do it, why? attention? depression? or is it just that i feel lonely so those are my only friends in time of need? i'm not lonely really, only in my mind. again, my thoughts only lead to bad, therefor making myself believe i am alone. in my own world i am alone and that is very true. if it were my choice, i would be alone. people are the ones who make me aggravated. cops make me paranoid, teachers make me dissapointed in myself, skool makes me stressed, and life itself makes me confused. i always wonder if this is just a phase or if it will go on as long as i live. most of the time i believe these certain thoughts will remain in my mind until the day i die. which is most likely. my brain seems to go in circles. always going back to what i try not to think of, but ofcourse since it is in the back of my mind it always comes back to haunt me. sometimes memories suddenly come to me as if they have been waiting to remind me of bad past experiences. i can never let go of the thought 'i am my own worst enemy.' which is and will always be the complete truth. but maybe that's just me, yeah?! -heather ♥