It seems, after a lifetime of avidly playing [swearing at/thumping/blaspheming] computer games, and in all carnations of the beast from the good, ol' fashioned upright pinball to the classic arcade game, Playstation and PS-2, cassette-driven Atari/Commodore64/ZXSpectrum, cartridge-driven plug-into-your-TV Sega-type games, hand-held Nintendo magic, 2nd and 3rd generation mobile phones and on every type of IBM or Macintosh system from an old XT up to and including a 21st century Pentium IV, that I can no longer play Tetris. Years of training, countless hours of hard-worked hand-eye co-ordination, lack of sleep, friendly and unfriendly competition and marathon all-nighters all forfeit. Every type of game, from violent shoot-em-ups and pointless RPGs, strategy and simulation, sports and shitty cartoony Pacman games and nothing seems to help anymore. My Tetrability has lost its Mojo. Is it the lack of facilities and governement-sponsored programmes? Is it a loss of interest as time went by? Is it a concerned parent who made sure sleep was included in my daily routine? Or do I just plain suck at it now? Back in the day, when I was but a wee lad of 22, I was Elvis in the Tetris world. All hail the King, baby - thankya ver' murch - and reigning Divisional champ. Top score and highest number of lines as well, strutting about as the cock of the walk, watching in arrogant, self-assured disdain as others failed miserably, dashing their hopes against the VGA monitor of Despair as it stood strong with my achievements and resolve. I should be in Athens right now, contesting my own shot at a Gold, except that these days I can't string 7 lines together without fucking it up. The fall from the top is mind-numbingly quick. And know that it is a long, long way down. I have looked for solace in other things, tried my hand at other games and further hobbies, attempted the Arts and Philosophy and Science and Culture, tried to make a difference to the world and tried to live and experience new things, and I know, I know, I will never be as good at any of those things as I was at Tetris. The King is dead. Long live the King. -d-