So life is looking up a bit today. I talked to KC today about the party and she is using the excuse that she lost my number. Everything is set, reservations have been made. KC is taking care of the cake and i've contacted everyone about the time and directions so now all i have to do is hope it all comes off with out a catch. It is after all my dad's Surprize 50th birthday party...that's a big deal and i just want things to be good for him. Plus this is the first time that I have ever organized anything and i would be insulted if it didn't work out. Plus not to mention it's my credit card that will get charged if some one doesn't show up..make the reservation or whatever. Even Grandma is comming now, I dont' know what made her change her mind..guess she talked to the family and they convinced her. So I actually made it to the campus today although I still didn't go to class. I took care of a couple of administrative things..i also got a doctors note and email the proff about the term test that i missed. He said no prob about the makeup but the date/time/place hasn't been set yet. It relives a bunch of stress. I just have to make it threw it now. DK came over. He called and asked me yesterday if he could come by today at 5 since it was his day off. He called at 5 today and said he was stuck babysitting so he would come by little later. He showed up around 8 stayed till 11. I chickened out and didn't say anything about all the conflict that i feel about our "not" relationship. I don't know what i'm going to do. I'm thinking that i will just write a letter or do it over the phone. I can't handle face to face confertaion. I don't know. I'm scared. Either way i don't know what i really want either so why am i so pissed off that he won't commit. But like whatever this is bogus, because i can't sit in limbo and can't be a slutty chick if we're doing whatever we are doing and i can't imagine staying with him if we're not together like that is just retarted. I'd be sitting around just asking to be forgotten one day when he meets some other chick. NO way. See i know what i want when i'm alone thinking about it but when it comes down to saying anything aobut it i choke up. i'm such a pussy. Anyway i guess that's all i have to say for now. Peace love and empathy....heheheh