since i haven't written in weeks, i figured it was time for another update. sorry i don't keep up with this diary as much as i should, i just never feel motivated to share my feelings with the world. i guess to some extent, i'm a bit of a private person and don't like to get personal with people. that can either be a good quality or a bad one. bad to the sense, that i let everything build up inside of me to the point of self-destruction. so yea, i'm not making sense, but what else is new. a lot of my friends are gone this week, on vacation mainly. some to the beach, others to the mountains, etc. and then there's me and my family - at home, no vacation - as usual. i'm not complaining...well not completely. i guess i'm jealous honestly. sometimes i wish we had what others did. but i understand my mom is busy with work, my dad is busy with life i guess, and my brother doesn't seem to care to be involved in this family. then there's me the 15 year old, with no license or money or power..therefore no vacation. i'm being selfish and i'm whining i know. i apologze, i really don't mean to. God placed me with my family and with the people He did for a reason, i believe. i don't fully understand it at times, but i guess i'm not suppose to. not yet. i'm just suppose to trust Him, and i do. He put me here, to prepare me for something i think - i just haven't figured out what that something is. i've learned a lot being in the family i have though, and He's still teaching me and molding me. lately, i've had this weird feeling. i can't explain it, but it makes me want to cry - but when i do cry, i never know why. a friend of mine is going through the same thing, and she said something like "i think God is trying to show us something" but what? i'm just feeling broken. i don't know. it's weird. anyway i'm going to go, and i'll probably update again this week because i'll have a lot of time since my best friend is out of town. sorry for this entry, i'm not upset or anything - i'm rather happy actually. it's just weird. anyway, have an awesome week and God bless you!