so..ive been thinking about alot,who i am,who i want to be.how ive been acting.who ive hurt.who has hurt me.who i want to hurt.its just so much to think about all the time,but really when u think about it,it messes you up.you cant believe you are that kind of person.i was talking with ang3 yesterday about school,like college,and it freaks me out.school now pisses me off enough as it is,but college?i want a career,not a job,i think theres a difference.the lawyers and social workers and shit,its like crazy shit,it doesnt help that i have a strong hate for social workers.i had a dream that i beat the shit outta ed,i took a 2 x4 and was just pounding the shit outta him,a different hit for everything we were put through.i really cant wait until jasmine is older and maybe she will understand,part of me wants her to hate her father, so much that she doesnt ever want to talk to him.but thats wrong,im not that person,although id love to hear him cry over that,and go physco.i dont know what im going to do in court,im afraid ill jump off the stand and start killing him.fuck.i dont know how u identify depression but i think ive hit it.maybe not.i was watching oprah today and she said ask urself the question who ami,and not with the answers daughter,sister,so on.why was i brought here,only thing i can think of is technical.when two ppl.....you know.but seriously who am i,how many times is that in my diary,and i cant answer that,i dont even answer with roles in my diary because i cant answer that question.so.who am i? i dont know how to answer that when you dont change the question,when they read their diarys,it didnt pretain to the question,so maybe somthing else.