Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience NEVER fail

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Damn yo im at school right now and im just chillan, im grounded this w/e so wtf ever i work too so holla. I want ta party next w/e. So court wants ta move i hate that, i guess i now know how all u felt and it sucks like bad. lets get nasty, get ready for a nasty time, all the nasty things we can do. so sexy the way that you move..... i like to think nasty thoughts about me and you.... yeah im bored. i want ta get fucked up.!!!!!!!! peace nigger haterz,Kristi

So i got a job at tha market on tha beach, i start tomorrow!! i'm excited. I have been chillan with every1 during tha Break, Kyle doesnt need surgery, but my buddy is still in a coma..... dont know how long hell be around, i wish i could go see him and the rest of his family, i grew up with him and his 5 siblings.... Life is all in all going better, i noe i can be around weed without doing it, when i was offered, Kayla was the first thing that i thought about. I have a nice tan going on, lol. and my damn cast i dont have to wear it much, except when i go to like walmart or school or the mall or something. I'm so damn bored, i want to TAN!!! but i was out last night, which was fun as hell, so yeah, not to much else to say. I love you all.

My foot is healing, i didnt wake up at all last night from pain which is a first since i broke my foot. I was in such a GREAT mood last night, and i have no idea why. Being out of the house gets me hyper, then when i got home i had to take my happy pill and my pain meds. it seems that whenever i take the two at the same time i get really loopy and me being in a good mood proly didnt help any either. Tia thank you for coming over last night, i like chillaxin with my peoples and since everyone besides u cat and jo are to good for me it was nice. Ha im going to school tomorrow!!! im excited again. I dont know why but i love going to school, i, however am not looking forward to the situation with someone that im now going to have to deal with face to face. Gah, im just glad i have good friends that i can lean on. Going out to breakfast with my sister. Much love. muah. Koester. Tia im getting on that paper for you. lmao.

So im bored as hell and really dont ahev much to say. I love being home i will never forget what you all mean to me, for real i will never be able to say thank you, b/c thank you just doesnt seem to even begin how i feel. Well about to watch a movie with the family, soooo laterz., kristi

so im done with dating for now, like ive been thinking and im just like w/e. I have feelings but i need to listen to my brain for once and not my heart b/c listening to my heart is what keeps fucking me up. I dont understand why i can't ever find a girl who i can talk to like really talk to, like the first person i want to tell about something good or bad. Someone who always has a shoulder to cry on, someone that isnt afraid of how they feel, and what everyone else is going to think about the situation. Someone intelligent who i can carry on a smart conversation with. Or watch movies like American Beauty and not have to explain the whole point of the plot to who im watching it with. Yes there is someone who i am getting to know a lot better, and would def. explore the situation with but, i dont know. Im just sick of always laying my emotions out on the table and getting them stepped on, like they dont even matter. Anyways, i def. am so frustrated like who the hell is in gb for me? for real its getting to that point. but w/e. im done ranting about my love life or i guess the lack there of. Peace out and thanks for listening to me bitch. Much love to all. Muah! Koester Long live beandilla!!!!!

So i broke my foot!! This is so freaking shitty, i mean im so self-reliant, independent, and stubburn that having to rely on other people to take a shower or even get a drink is killing me. I hate it. My foot hurts like a mother f-er, I went to the ortho, and he said i dont have to wear a cast thank god b/c it not a bad break but ill be in a soft cast, for at least two weeks he said that he doesnt want me in school for the next two weeks, OMG i cant go two weeks w/o school, but i mean who can complain about laying on a couch all day on loritabs, lmfao. So for real if you want to see me just stop by my house. PLEASE!! these next few weeks are going to suck but w/e. Im about to go to sleep so ill catch you all later. you know my number so call me. Or text me at 288-1594. Peace out Whodie, and if you are can draw good come over anyways cause i want designs on my crutches, so holla. Love you all, peace Koester

Okay so i have only been home for not even a week and already shit is happening. For starters people need to get over the fact that i don't do anything anymore. PERIOD!!! NO drugs, no alcohol, no cigaretes. I'm done because i literally had my life taken away because of my stupid fucking choices. I'm sorry but to me a joint or a beer or a small bag of weed just isnt worth losing it all forever over. I mean i'm not dumb, i'm quite smart actually if i let my brain breathe and apply myself. On top of all of the drama with 'oh really you dont smoke anymore, you fag' bullshit i just found out some more information that flipped my world yet again. I found out that last night my mother had lesions show up on the M.R.I of her brain. That means it could be anything literally and that is what scares me, I already lost her once i couldn't handle doing it again. She has a muscle disease call fibrosomething-or-other, and the doctor seriously thinks that she has M.S. Guys i've never been scared like this before ever!! I'm scared shitless for myself but even more for kyle and kayla. B/c i had a chance to get to know who my mom is they are still little especially kayla. On top of what we would do if she can't work anymore. Finacially we would be fuck3d i know that im young and i shouldn't be worring or whatever but thats my family guys, i feel like im a little kid again and im lost in a store, thats what i would feel like all the time if i lost my mom. I know i know hope for the best, but im preparing myself for the worse because she gets mri's often like however many times a year and in her last one it didnt show anything which is also another reason why im freaking. Tia and cat i love you guys. Thank you for your support today because i was hurting inside.... bad. Anyways if anyone isnt going camping call me b/c ill be home for the next few days and i need the company, oh and every other w/e until the 11th.

Me and my dad got into yesterday and it got physical, i told him that if he ever put his hands on me again that i would kill him. I'm leaving at 520 saturday morning. Wow you know i thought that i would be excited but i guess im not really. I have two brothers here that i wont be able to say goodbye too. My cousin is due on the 12 shes 31 and having a babi boi that i wont beable to see as a baby. I guess that i really was expecting my dad to change,i sux knowing that i will never have a dad. I really hoped that he would be there for me for a change. I am going to miss all my homies here, lyke applez, and my cousins, and just being at a big school and being in a big city. anywayz im gonna bounce lataz

School has been a mess for me lately, my brother got put into the hospitol by seven niggers, my best friend here got suspended for defending herself, i Get to the point of beating someones ass almost every day, i almost got expelled again!!! B/c of some bullshit misunderstanding. I am 'talking' to a few girls but i really dont see the point b/c im moving back to gb in 4months. but who wouldi date there?Anyways headed over to my cousins. Catch ya later

So yeah, sorry i've been so distant from you all ive been having a really hard time. Ive been having a hard time dealing with my aunt dying, especially on christmas. My grandmas been sending me stuff belonging to her. and its ripping me apart inside. I now have no long distance on my phone so call me. My dad is officially the biggest prick in the world he lives for himself always, and i truly have an empty hole in my heart from him. So its final when school gets out, im coming home for good. T-dawg said that she might come get me for spring break rock on, that would be bad ass!!! I'm going to go to pjc for two years, after high school and then probably move out to jacksonville with joanna, unless i get bright futures then ill just go straight to a 4 year school. Last night i had something come over me and i truly realized what my mom means to me. I dont know if you know it or not but she has been asking me to write down what she means to me for the past few years, and i honestly couldnt do it. Well now i can, so this is for my mom. Mom, you have asked me many times to tell you what you really are to me, well i could never answer that before because i wasnt sure mom, i really wasnt. You know me so i know that you will get this letter. Mom you made a never-ending sacrifice for me when you took on the responsibility of raising me and Kenney. You never knew what you were getting into, and even though i bet you were scared you didnt run away like so many others did. You constantly supported me, you were the one that put a cold rag on my head when i was sick, You are the one who picked me up when i fell flat on my face. You are the one that who believed in me, who stayed up late with me when i 'accidentally' forgot to tell you about the project due the next day. You are the one that was there for my first day of kindergarten and of high school. You saw me get my first award and every one since then. You were the one that was there for my basketball games when i scored my first basket, track meets, banquets, dances, and even R.O.T.C. even though i knew that most of the time you were in extreme pain. You are the one that i want there for prom, and graduation, and first dates. I want your shoulder to cry on when i lose my first love, and your acceptance when i find my wife. You have so much respect from me for not giving up, even though i know that that would be so easy for you, for loving me, for your eternal patience, for being the only person that i could turn to sometimes. For sacrificing so much for us, for me. Mom, i never thought about what you gave, i thought that it was your job.{I would be no one without you mom}. But i now know that its not, I was your CHOICE. I disrespected you and caused you a hurt i cant even imagine and for that im eternally sorry, that is something that i have to deal with every day when i look into a mirror. I love everything about you mom, your smart, funny, caring, loving, beautiful, forever forgiving, giving, but most of all you're my HERO mom, if i grew up to become half of the woman that you are today i would be happy. I will never have more respect for any other person. Mom that is what you are to me. I love you with all my instrument, Your Strawberry Girl.

wow so yeah. This trip was so so like crazy. I was bouncing around like a basketball and i was kinda freaking out, b/c it just wasnt the same. Change is always everywhere you just dont realize it when your a part of it. It was good to see everybody, Really really good. I wish that i didnt have to leave, i feel so different now, so i dont know like grown up. Realizing what everyone has done for me and the profound effect people have on eachother. Well going to launch off fireworks with kyle. i love you all and will finish later. Kristi

Guys let me tell you how good it feels to be home. I love you all so much. it is way to weird without everyone together, i hate it. I hate having to split my time with the people who ive always been chillin with TOGETHER!! Its fucked up how people change when you turn around. I blink and people who would always have eachothers backs always no questions asked dont even talk, they want to beat the fuck out of eachother and trust me the feeling is mutual on both fronts! I dont care what anybody thinks about this post because i still love each and every one of you but i just had to get this off of my mind. i feel like bawling!! reallyi just dont understand, probably because i got ripped away from everyone, EVERYONE! and i will never tke friendships for granted again EVER!!!!!!!!! I spend time with my family now and i think back and a lot of the memories are of us fighting dude of me yelling its just not right, i will never fight with my family again not with my brothers and sisters. i have to run later

Yo we are gonna party until we fucking drop bitches. Hit a caveman up niggas ill be there tomorrow. HaH god damnim so fucking excited im not going to sleep the wholetime im there im getting all of my sleep tomight and on the bus tomorrow. Love you all, Kristi

T-dawg man thats deep, thanks gurl. I'm done wit my dad dawgs he is really a prick he just doesnt hit anymore. Ive been talking to my mom and i talked to dad and hes buying my bus ticket for when i move back. Which will be whenever i get ahold of my mom and she wants to let me back. But im telling you all im going to need your help i now know that whether my mom over-reacted or not i shouldn't have treated her the way that i did. YOu know i realized that her whole life, her WHOLE lifeis about my and kyle and kayla. And after living wit my dad and how hejust isnt a dad, hes coolo asfuck but hes not a dad. If i wanted to party all thetime i would stay here butidont i want to go to college. im just asking you all not to let me forget what i have and how good i have it, money or not, love is love. and man im gonna quit smoking andshit again but its gonna be hard as fuck. i want to be somebody and i cant be shit here. not with a parent who is more worried about telling him when im buying weed then about my grades. Kenney is getting me a bus ticket for christmas so Yeah! i love you all and i will be with you soon. Much love. One, Kristi

hey my homie g basketball surfer best buddies, i miss you all. Happy late birthday tony, happy early birthday joanna, im coming up there for new years its my christmas present along with the new jordan 14's black and reds they come out on christmas eve. im skipping school like crazi i am smoking like a pack a day now i had alcohol poisoning last saturday. I am fucking excited i love you all and think about you guys everyday my number hasnt changed people should call every once in a while to make sure that you all are still alive. One, kristi

Found out friday that stephanie was leaving, she left saturday. God if she wasn't wifed up i would jump on that. she is Mexican and omg i like her. She is a great friend and she told me something today that i thought that i should share with you guys. she said that friends are like stars...you don't always see them, but you always know they're there. the first basketball practice was today and damn caoch brenard pushes the team hard as HELL. he makes mac look like Rowell. hahaha. by the way are his arms still too short? lmao. and is he still wearing those penney loafers? I love you guys, Kristi

Damn guys joanna grace newingham, courtney renee hanson, tiana tucker, catherine lewis-horn, stephanie Buddah Professional smore maker, just those comments made me upset, joanna call me biatch. I NEED TO GET THE FUCK UP THERE!!!!!!!! I don't know how. I dont have a license i dont have money for a bus ticket or plane ticket. much love. Kristi

i miss eveyone bad. I miss laid-back gulf breeze high school where i was in a group that's popular and i knew everyone and everyone knew us. i was just starting to relax, let my guard down and fall back into my groove, and i leave, i cant ever let my guard down at school or i would get ripped apart so i have to go back to being this big hard ass and that really sucks. I am tryin to find myself, peace inside of me beccause i dont want to be looking for it when im 30. There areso many things thati wouldliketo say but i dont know how. So ill just let it all go. Joanna we met a long time ago and we have had our 'moments' but no matter what you always stuck it out, even when i was too pigheaded to realize that i was in the wrong. You taught me lessons that can only be taught by a best-friend, and for that i will be forever thankful to you. Cat we had a few bumps too but i always bitched out and apologized. You and your mom didn't just give me a place to stay you both opened up your hearts to me and gave me your love, and understanding. I will miss chasing you and courtney around the house with that damn thing that made that funny noise when you swang it around your head and hurt like hell when you got hit by it. We had so many good times, i hope there are many more down the road. Courtney, damn girl where do i start?!?! You are the only person that i know that is as loud as me. I miss getting high fives and having my hand sting for thirty minutes after that, until i see you again and it starts all over lol. You were a very good listener, you have a big mouth and an even bigger heart, you have a lot going for you, you just have to go chase it. andone more thing never forget whats important to you dont ever let anybody falter you from your path. Tia you are a crazy, moody ass but that's why i love ya. What can i say Volleyball was a blast with you, we had some good times especially with little shit, by the way how is that dog doing? Hahaha ill never forget when you took me to the bank to get my money, or the time me you jo and ben got high as fuck and went to pockets. you have a strive in you that will take you far. i wish you the best and i only hope that i can see you before you go away to school. Next is Buddah bitches! Steph what is there to say about you, no im kidding do you have your nipples pierced yet? ha ha ha. How goes smore making are you still making her spurt? damn its hard to type with a cigerette in my hand. anytime i hear anything about flexorals i just laugh and think about you. I could always talk to you about anything, even though we were never really like best friends. i'll never forget going to your house with courtney and getting ready to jump in through your window, or dying your hair, or NO SNEAKING!!!! LMAO. I love you all because your all different, and you all have something to offer to 'the group' anyone thats around either one of you benefits from just being in your presence. as korny as that sounds. Getting to know you all has been an utter honor, and i owe all of you in different ways. And i respect the people that you are and i know that even though im not there you are all going to be fine i know that i shouldnt worry about any of you, because, well because you have eachother. I dont know where i would be at in my life if i hadn't of met you all,but you have all brightened my life and left mewith fond memories i will not soon forget. I really do love each and everyone of you. and i wish you all the best. Love Krist "Caveman" Koester Long live BEANDILLA!!!!