It's a funny thing when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time. Sometimes it's like nothing's changed...which can be good or bad. These last two days I had a little of both. The first person I hadn't seen for four years...and I was a bit nervous...but he was the same person I remember liking all those years ago. In fact, after talking about things that happened the last time I saw him, I actually feel better about everything. I got some closure on issues I had going on in the back of my mind. Now we can be good friends again without my worrying about anything. I'm really glad to have a friend back. The other meeting didn't go quite as well. It wasn't exactly bad, but it didn't give me any of the closure I needed. In fact, if anything I think it may have made things a bit worse. I was really hoping that somehow everything would change and I wouldn't feel so bitter anymore, but I just learned more things that bother me. Maybe I just wasn't ready for it...my anger was a bit too fresh. Some people may see me as a jealous bitch, and they may be right. I definitely am jealous and overprotective of things I like to consider mine. Unfortunately, I have no control over who other people prefer to hang out with. It just hurts to find out that the person you wanted to spend all your time with didn't want to spend all their time with you. I'm afraid that it's going to become such a problem that I will lose what I love. No amount of rationalizing has helped me to let go of my jealous frustration...I don't know if I'll ever get the feeling to go away. My only hope at the moment is to learn to put up with it without saying anything or blowing up, but that's not a very good solution...and it hasn't been working. It's like putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound; it won't stop the bleeding. I'm sorry. I guess I'm not trying hard enough. I just don't know what I can do to change the way I feel. Insecurity isn't something I can easily will away.