AAAAHHHHHHHHH, god. I have not written in so long, the reason is a got a myspace. It really takes over your life, but sitdiary is so much better. Cece really is just pissing me off, and I don't think things are the same with us. She no longer wants to hang out with me, just like the rest of them. I am starting to feel really alone, I know I am not alone, but I feel it. My life always seems to go okay and then it starts falling apart. I get so upset when people act like they don't care about me, and that has happened a lot to me. I am so ready to just pack my bags and get the hell out of this shit town and never look back. I hate it all.

I am so confused.....people are driving me crazy.

Like a flower Waiting to bloom Like a lightbulb In a dark room I'm just sitting here waiting for you To come on home and turn me on Like the desert waiting for the rain Like a school kid waiting for the spring Im just sitting here waiting for you To come on home and turn me on My poor heart It's been so dark Since you've been gone After all you're the one who turns me off You're the only one who can turn me back on My hi-fi is waiting for a new tune My glass is waiting for some fresh ice cubes I'm just sitting here waiting for you To come on home and turn me on This is a song by Norah Jones and at the moment it fits me perfectly. I am just sitting here waiting to get turned on. I am sitting here waiting for someone to tell me they love me. I am waiting and that is what I will continue to do:) All my love homies..... -maggie

Well, Cece, Marty, and Rachel are staying at the house for a while....which is really hectic. eight people under the same roof gets a little crazy at times. I really love being around them. Tonight we had a family party and my cousin Rose and my little sister Laura decided to put on a dance show. I didn't know that Laura was taking hula dancing class, well to make a long story short....I want to take hula lessons. It is really hot watching people shake their hips and totally do a kick ass dance that no one knows. I love it. Anyways I am out for now....laters loves! -Maggie

In the last 24 Hours have you... 1. Had sex: I wish.... 2. Bought something: some hot fishnets, and other stuff...I love shopping!! 3. Gotten sick: not really, just hot. 4. Sang: right now 5. Been kissed: not quite 6. Ate something: hell yeah, I don't stop eating 7. Felt stupid: I am sure I did at some point 8. Talked to an ex: hell no 9. Missed someone: I am always missing someone ___________________________________________________ Last person who.... 1. Slept in your bed: me 2. Saw you cry : maggie 3. Made you cry: my mom 4. Went to the movies with: maggie, morgan, jill, jordan, and bri. 5. You went to the mall with: maggie and tyler __________________________________________________ Have You Ever... 1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: all the time 2. Got in a fight with your pet: haha kinda 3. Been to California: nope...I wish 4. Been to Mexico: nope 6. Been to Canada: yeah lots 7. Been to Europe: yes __________________________________________________ Random..... 1. Do you have a crush on someone: I thought I did...I am not so sure now. 2. What book are you reading now: I am taking a break before school. 3. Worst feeling in the world: knowing you are never going to see someone again. 4. Future KIDS names: hmmm.... 5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: nope 6. What's under your bed: nothing 7. Favorite sports to watch: football baby!! 8. Location: bucksport 9. Piercing/Tattoos: just my ears. 10. Do you drink: I like to once in awhile 11. What are you most scared of right now: losing friends 12.Where do you want to get married: a little church on the coast of Maine. 13. Who do you really hate: Don't get me started on that bitch. 14. Do you have a job: I nanny. 15. Do you like being around people: I love people 16. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with? I am not sure about that one. 17. Have you ever cried: quite a bit:) 18. Are you lonely right now: not really....I wouldn't mind a hot guy to chill with though. 19. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: that songs thats like "Oh what a night, late December back in 63'"....I love it. 21. Played strip poker: I don't mind taking off my clothes 22. Gotten beaten up: not seriously 23.Done an all-nighter: ummm.....Most of the time. 24. Been on radio/TV: yeah...I have been on tv a couple of times. 25. Been in a mosh-pit: I have been in my share of mosh pits. 26. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends: yeah... 27. Was this worth your time: ummm, well I am bored and stoned so why not?

Homophobia and You: I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that. I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male. Repost this if you realize homophobia is wrong.

Its been awhile and I am really missing old B-port at the moment. The Semlers are great don't get me wrong, but shit I miss my friends. Morgan is leaving this week and I am going to miss her so much. She was a major part of are group and we are going to be sad without her. The other night Mercedes picked me up and we ended up going to the Pondarosa. Everyone was drinking and having a good time, but there was one thing that was weird. It was mostly all guys. Being one of the only girls made it kinda tough for me, because all the guys were surrounding me and trying to get with me. It was weird and I ended up like giving the wrong phone number to a bunch of people...haha, I am bad. Anyways I think I am out for now.....much peace and love forever!! Magnum P.S. I found out Gavin really doesn't want to be my friend. That makes me sad:(

I have had a crazy fun week this week. I did so many different things I couldn't name them off. I went swimming a lot and I am might be getting some color....haha thats laughable. Anyways all good things come to an end and I go back to Blue Hill tomorrow. I really need to do school shopping because soon enough I will be heading back to that shit hole. Tomorrow is the anniversary of one of my friends death. Jared, we will miss you forever and I will always remember the good times. Rest In Peace.

Hey hey hey, I have been having a blast this week. I have been hanging with everyone and really living in the fast lane. The summer went by too fast, but I am looking forward to start a new thing in my life. Things are going pretty well for me and I am happy. I have been going to the lake to chill out with the girls a couple days this week and also chilling up at Cece and Marty's apartment. Do you know how one minute you will have a plan and the next minute the plan changes. Thats what happened yesterday. Jill and I saw Shaw walking down the street, we decided to pick him up and go to his house to chill. On the way we saw Marty on the bike and he came too. I don't really know why I am telling this story because there is really no point to it, but I am stoned right now.:) -Maggie

I am exactly who I want to be. I have morals but I am not afraid to push the limits. I have a great family who supports me but they don’t support everything I do. I was raised catholic, but I don’t really follow everything. I write in a diary other than this and I want to write some day. I am very opinionated and I definitely don’t like Bush. I feel everyone should be themselves but when I feel uncomfortable I hide who I really am. I am a major dreamer and the future really scares me. I don’t regret things because it just causes self-doubt. I can be shy, but not that much. I smoke dope but I don’t let it run my life, some people would call me a stoner but I don’t think I am. The party scene is fun to a point but it gets old after awhile. I have been hurt a lot in my life, but I don’t try to dwell on it. I am scared of relationships, and I am scared of my best friends ditching me. I have a black lab named Tyrone and I think he is the cutest thing ever, he is so smart…haha. I have too many clothes and as my mom says “You can wear the clothes just don’t let them wear you”. I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters, and I think growing up in a big family is the best. My mom homeschooled us and I went to public school in the 5th grade. I have the very best friends in the whole world and I wouldn’t be the same without them. Holy shit I think I am done now, some insight in my life. You all rock! Maggie

Its been awhile and I am coming home for a week tomorrow. The girls are so easy to deal with and I am having a blast. I am really excited because Cece is coming down to pick me up and we are going out to eat with the girls. I am really going to live it up this week cause it will be like the last week of summer for me. Right now I am hanging out with Laura and Micheals new sitter. She is my age and she is pretty cool. Anyways I am out for now stay cool y'all. Maggie

Hey, Well I am getting so excited about coming home for the weekend. I can be with all of my friends and not have to worry about dealing with any children. Today Kate came over and we went swimming at the bathing beach and we might actually hang out tonight. She bought me a much needed pack of turkish golds...haha. I get paid tomorrow which means I will have like a thousand dollars in cash, which may not be a good thing...haha. Anyways I think I am out for now. Much peace and love to my homesquats. Magnum

Well well well, the girls are coming down right now to pick me up for lunch and to hang for the afternoon. I am so stoked!!!! I am not sure where we are all going, but one thing is for sure I don't want to run into him. Ahhhh I feel so bad in saying that but its true. I really need to get a manicure and pedicure....maybe before Cece's cocktail party:). Anyways I am out for now. Later gators and after awhile crocodiles. Magnum

Last night I had a really fun time. I got the night off so Gavin picked me up and we ended up going to the pan dance. I was dancing and stuff when all of a sudden Alex Landrey runs up and gives me this big hug. I had not seen her in forever and I was so happy to see her. We ended up going to the pondarosa after that which was okay for a little while. Gavin then took me to ovenworks where we had a bagel and talked. He took me to the beach after that and we just sat and watched the tide come in. It was really beautiful. The stars and the moon were so amazing last night I could have stayed out there all night. I came back to the house and chilled out and read for awhile then hit the sack. I am out for now...have a super day ya'll. maggie

So I had an okay day today, didn't really do to much. I made friends with some of the maids...haha. I was with the baby all day and she cried forever because she has a new tooth breaking through. I was trying so hard to get her to stop crying so I turned on Britney Spears and sang to her. She ended up falling asleep in my arms after ther third song. I Hung out with Gavin last night and We went to this dock place in the woods and talked for like three hours. The moon was shining everywhere and it was amazing. I realized I have lost weight since I came down here. I haven't really been eating much food, because the family always goes out and leaves me with the baby. I also felt a little sick lately, but its no big deal, I am probably just homesick:(!! Harry Potter is so good and I almost don't want it to get over. There is a big party here tomorrow so I have to get up early and help out. I am out for now and much love to all my peeps and to my bucksport peeps...I miss you!!! -maggie

Well, I am down at the Semlers now and I am loving it. The kids are so great, all I do is like go to the beach with them. When I am watching the baby it is a little harder, but she is so cute!! Laura and Micheal are so easy to get along with, and they really make me feel like part of the family. I haven't started missing my family yet, but I will in about two days. I really miss Cece because we have barely talked since I came down here. Yesterday was a very odd day for me. I woke up early cause the kids were being loud. Then Laura and Micheal went to Bangor, and left me with Gaines, Alex, and Brooke. Brooke is going through seperation anxiety, which is hard because I am the one who has to deal with it. She is really starting to love me though. Anyways yesterday afternoon I am looking out the window and I see Kates car pull into the driveway. I have not talked to her since she stood me up. After that happened I really didn't care if I ever talked to her again. I swear she is the most selfish girl I have ever met. What she put me through was hell, and all the trust is gone. So when she showed up here she was all oh my god lets go out to lunch and this and that. All I could think of was every time I get involved with you you end up hurting me and I am through with that. She is the best lier I have ever met, and she is a pro at being fake. I am now in a situation that I don't know how to get out of. She plans on moving in with me at the Semlers and there is no way in hell I could ever let that happen. The thing is, I plan on being just as fake with her as she is with me. I am going to milk her for all she's worth. She has all the Blue Hill connections and I wouldn't mind having those people as my friends. The thing is if I tell Kate anything about the way I feel about her I won't have some of those connections. I am really confused about what to do, all I know is that I never want to be involved in someone who uses and abuses. She was my best friend, I looked at her like she was a god. I thought she was the end all to be all, it turns out she is a really good con artist and I am not going to let her walk all over me. Its just not going to happen, I am stronger now and she is not going to be a part of my life. Okay enough of that. Last night Jill, Maggie, and Morgan came down to visit me and we ended up staying up and talking until four in the morning...that is true friends right there. I love those girls soooooooooooooo much. You guys are going to have to come down and have lunch with me ASAP. Today I had a really nice day. I went to the beach with Gaines and Alex for like three hours and I wrote so much. I also got a good chunk of Harry Potter read too. I went back to the beach later with them and just chilled out and watched them, they are so cute!! Right now I am waiting for Laura and Micheal the get home, so I can go to my room and chill out. This job is so easy....I love it!! Anyways I am out lover boyz and girlz:) Mucho love and Peace forever Maggie wentworth

I am so glad I know exactly who I am, I have great friends, i have a great family. I dont' get joy out making other people feel small. I don't talk behind peoples backs and I don't feel bad about myself. I know that I am not a loser who just smokes pot and drinks. I have so much more to offer and the people I care about know that. I love my life and I am so confident with who I am. I am tired of people treating people like shit to make others feel bad. The people who try to do that are so small themselves and the get power out of lowering self esteems. I hope you get some confidence....cause you don't have it:) mucho love peeps. -Maggie

I am so so so excited about Harry Potter coming out I could scream. I have been waiting forever for this. Today Jill, Bri, Mags, and I went to see Charley and the chocolate factory. It was good...very funny. Last night all of us went up to Orono to chill with Cece and Marty and it ended up being very chill. Everyone was drinking, but I stuck to the reefer. It really is more fun. I feel so on top of the world when I have that stuff...it makes my life so much easier. I am leaving on Monday, and I am going to see my Gaines. He is the cutest little kid ever...I miss him so much!! I am at a point in my life that I am just excepting the fact that I am single and having fun with it. I know that I am not going to be this way forever, so why not embrace it? The time will come when guys will see me for someone who is strong, fun, and sexy:). mucho love maggie

I AM:strong I WANT:love I HAVE: friends I WISH:on shooting stars I HATE: fighting I FEAR:war I HEAR:music I SEARCH: for the truth I WONDER: about life I REGRET: a lot I LOVE: my famuly I ALWAYS: brush my teeth I AM NOT: stuck up I DANCE: all night long I SING: in the shower I AM NOT ALWAYS: in a good mood I WRITE: all the time I WIN: arguments I LOSE: arguments I CONFUSE: my parents I NEED: to get laid I SHOULD: write a book about my crazy life x. YOU KEEP A DIARY: hell yeah x. YOU LIKE TO COOK: at times x. YOU HAVE A SECRET YOU HAVE NOT SHARED WITH ANYONE: yeah...everyone does x. YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE: God I Hope so x. THE WEIRDEST PERSON YOU KNOW: hmmm..cece? x. THE LOUDEST PERSON YOU KNOW: ummm...morgans mom:) x. THE SEXIEST PERSON YOU KNOW: no comment x. THE CUTEST PERSON YOU KNOW: Gavin x. CLOSEST FRIEND[s]: Jill, Maggie, Bri, Morgan, Cece, leah, Marty, Peter. the crew. x. THE LAST IMAGE/THOUGHT YOU GO TO SLEEP WITH: How the hell am I supposed to know that x. INSIDE JOKE: you know how daddy likes it?? HAVE A CRUSH: no WANT TO GET MARRIED: yes GET MOTION SICKNESS: nope THINK YOURE A HEALTH FREAK: oh no GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS:sometimes LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: sometimes CURRENT HAIR COLOR: brown EYE COLOR: blue BIRTHPLACE: Blue Hill, ME NUMBER: Lucky number 7 COLOR: all of them DAY: Christmas MONTH: October SONG(S): Oh so many SEASON: Summer and Fall DRINK: how could I choose just one?? PREFERENCES: CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT: Make out CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Chocolate milk DARK OR WHITE CHOCOLATE: both are gross VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: chocolate IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU... CRIED? yes HELPED SOMEONE? yes BOUGHT SOMETHING? nope GOTTEN SICK? nope GONE TO THE MOVIES? nahh GONE OUT FOR DINNER? can't say I have SAID 'i love you'?: yeah WRITTEN A REAL LETTER: nope TALKED TO AN EX?: nope MISSED AN EX?: nope WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: yeah HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: yeah MISSED SOMEONE? my sister Rachel HUGGED SOMEONE? my mom its her Birthday FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS? haha yeah FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND? nope Would you ever: 1. Eat a bug?: maybe 2. Bungee jump?: hell yeah 4. Kill someone?: I don't think so 5. Kiss someone of the same sex? been there done that 6. Have sex with someone of the same sex?: nope 7. Parachute from a plane?: yeah!! 8. Walk on hot coals?: no 9. Go out with someone for their looks? There has to be more 11. Be a vegetarian?: yeah 12. Wear plaid with stripes? If it looked okay 13. IM a stranger?: yeah 14. Sing Karaoke? every monday night...hahaha 15. Get drunk off your ass? all the time 16. Shoplift? sure 17. Run a red light? why not?? 18. Star in a porn video? haha 19. Dye your hair blue? nope 20. Be on Survivor? maybe 21. Wear makeup in public?: yeah 22. Not wear makeup in public? yeah 23. Cheat on a test? yeah 24. Make someone cry? not on purpose unless they piss me off 25. Date someone more than 10 years older? maybe?

hey hey hey, I am so fucking crazy tonight. I can't wait to go out and do something. I think Jill is going to come over in a couple of minutes and we are all going swimming and then out for the night. I can't wait to start reading the new Harry Potter book...It makes me so excited!! This Monday I am off to Blue Hill to start my summer job. I am really confused about stuff with that but at the same time I am happy. I can't wait to see Gaines and Alex, and also meet the new baby!! I really love nannying, and the pay is awesome. Its too bad I won't be going to Alaska with them this year:(. Anyways I think I am going to start to get ready to go out...laters!! -margaret Catherine Wentworth