day three.

by alcoholic
Listening to: again.
Feeling: accepted
well. it didnt last long. as is the usual. just back from a nice long 2 day binge into no where land. no mind land. wastedland. sure parts of it were fun. and even worth a bit of drinking. but not really. no. tonight. when i get up the nerve im going to call that number they gave me and call. i dont want to die from liver cancer like my stepfather. i dont want to die period. i know its inevitable. death. but i dont want to go out in a bad bad way. and ive seen cancer first hand. and it gets no worse then that to me. maybe if i keep reminding myself about liver cancer and maybe researching it will help me. will motivate me. maybe. i sure hope so. because a bottle of vodka a day some times two. is definitely going to catch up to me soon. if it hasnt already. and thank you for your kind words. those of you who write. i just need to love myself as much as everyone else. i dont know why i cant. sincerely. destructive.
Read 3 comments
I know it can be hard to convince yourself to change, to actually DO something that you know you should. You seem to want it.

Call the number.
it is gunna be a journey, that's unavoidable. but you already got through the hardest parts - admitting you've a problem with drinking AND wanting to get help for it. that is a huge deal and something many people will never realise, no matter how much others wish for it. if you have to start slow, start slow; find out what works best for YOU and keep it up, regardless of what others might say. it won't happen overnight, but it WILL happen. (=
ps as for the number, don't think - just call. if you think about it, you may talk yourself out of it; it could really be a good thing for you, and i know you can do it! (= good luck and you'll be in my thoughts.