theres this fucked upp thing going on with my left eye. on and off for about 2 months,it waters excessivly,and feels like its scratched. im hungry a lot lately.and ive just decide im on a diet of sorts.my body doesnt know the difference between boredom hungry and nutrient necessant hungry.my sister are going to start doing pilates.the commercials totally sold me. i havent spoken to tara since she got home.the last time we met,i felt distant.like out of the loop. ive been tired lately.and work is at peak stress.this second,im feeling like i must go to college,soon soon soon. i have to get out of here and make something of myself.i have so many ideas,that i just supress because i dont have the energy to think them through or do something about them. i want to be the photographer to come to.i want to be rich and famous.i want to be able to take care of ryan.i want him to have evrything he could ever dream of having. i dont know if he knows this or even wants this,but i want to care for him and support hiim the way he supports me. i want to get the fuck away from barnes and noble.i want to be above the people who look down on me and treat me like shit. i want to see tara. ->depression is a chemical flaw,not a character flaw.