tired. lots of tears this week. too many. watching headline news,sometimes i feel like the world is falling down around us. ryan showed me some shit about the new 'draft'.it makes me so uneasy.i know some people CHOOSE to 'defend our country' but to force someone into action,youre no better than the enemy. there are some days when i just assume lay in bed and cry all day.but knowing that ive come so much further than to let 'emotions' get the best of me gets me up.and the thought of ryan keeps me going. im thinking about seeing a therepist again.nothin major.NO MEDS or anything,definately no meds.i want to start moving on,and slowly get off them,and i cant take those steps without a doctor and of course making sure ryan is willing to help me.i need to move on.old feelings and apprehensions are holding me back.ive grown,ryan and i are moving forward with our lives together.i want to be free of everything that hurts.memories,feelings everything. i want to grow even closer to him,grow with him.i dont want to hurt him.because i know i have been the past few weeks.and he doesnt deserve that.hes so far above me.so normal.i want to be like that.no more excuses.no nothing. nothing but me and him.'him and i...' we could move anywhere in the planet,as long as hes there,it would be perfect. im growing and changing everyday.just watch me. i swear.