Well, guess what,I'm sitting here alone, what a surprise. I fucking hate that Luke insists that I watch that stupid movie, knowing that I don't like scary movies, I get scared too easily, maybe I'm a pussy, for fucksake's maybe I am just too sensitive. Then what does he do? Leaves, goes for a bike ride leaving me here alone in this fucking dark apartment. It wasn't even that good of a movie, I don't know why it still bothers me. But the fact is that it does, and he doesn't even care, his friend is more important I guess. After everything I have done for him, I'm secondary. I had an exam today, I think it went okay, should have studied more. I better pass, god, how fucked up is this year already, loose 2 courses, a mental health rotation and have a fail on a fall course. I'm fucked, not enough money for anything, we have to move at the end of June, Luke doesn't even have a fucking job, how the hell are we supposed to afford this? I can't do it anymore by myself just on Loblaws pay and hours. Everytime he gets a job, I get my hopes up, maybe this one will last, hope and pray that it will last and then I can finally get on track. But there's always something, an excuse or something happens, just to put us back to square one. It is to the point where I can't do it on my own even if I wanted to. My life was alot better than I thought it was, yeah I lived in a shitty apartment downtown, alot of bad shit happened there, but atleast I could pay the rent. Theres so much I wish I could change, but never will be able to, I start to wonder if it is even worth trying anymore. What is the point in making the best effort I can make, when everytime something happens, it just fucks me over more. I brought this on though, acting the way I have in the past, kids don't know how well they have it at home (with the exception of kids that are abused). I wish I still lived at home, not having to pay for anything but I wanted to spend my money on. Like my brother, he has it made, 25 years old, lives at home, goes to school (got OSAP and I didn't!! how the FUCK is that FAIR?!?!) and works. He can buy his gf expensive fucking snowboards for Christmas and what did I get from my bf?! Nothing, ya know why?! Because we have to pay rent and bills. I'm not blaming my brother, don't get me wrong, but I don't think he even has a clue what I go through every single day, the pain inside that cripples me inside, it's eating me alive, I just want it to end. Well this entry really is just a whole jumble of ideas and feelings. I don't know what to do anymore. I have no safety net and I'm losing my balance here! Save me!