it's so nice outside today, i'm sitting on my deck looking out over the hill into the woods, and i'm wondering what happened to all the chairs outhere, because onlt the table is here, and the grill has it's cover over it, so there isn't a giant chrome monster that is normally looking at me when i am outside. the chairs must be in storage for the winter. it's so nice out though i just had to come outside, and i didn't want to sit on the grass because i iwasn't sure if it was going to be wet or anything, maybe it could be frozen, it was cold last night. it's in the fifties now though, and i had to take advantage. i haven't really sat outside in a long time, and this is the first time in almost six months my laptop has seen fresh air, hopefully it will be happier now that it has been outside. i feel like i am four, and the wind is starting to bite at my skin through my clothes and i am wondering if it really is in the fifties or if i had only hoped that it was and i came out here. perhaps really it is much colder, but i want to believe it is warm because i want to enjoy the outside for as long as i can before it gets too cold and then it snows. forgive my grammar. everything looks dead outside, the fallen leaves have covered the green grass in their protective brown colors and the trees are bare. small birgs chirp and ocassionally i see a squirrel run by, but for the most part it is all sleeping, and it seems too peaceful, and i feel like i am disturbing the habitat with my presence, but then i can hear a car off in the distance, and i wonder what happens when more neighborhoods come, and our quiet little part of the world is overtaken by three story houses and a bombardment of people. I would hate that, and i would feel like i lost something. in one hour i have to be at school for practice, which seems a waste because it's only two hours and i have to go when i had most of the day off, but vacation time is vacation time, and atleast i am getting to have some time outside, to just enjoy the weather and the fresh air. the sun is behind the clouds, but you can tell it's very bright up there in the clouds. sometimes i would like to be in the clouds with the sun, it seems like it always happy up there, and sometimes i want to escape the drama school dishes out like icecream. the pain friends bestow when they think they are helping, all the problems down here on the ground, i just know they don't exist in the clouds. love