i swear my life is almost over. it enough that hes playing with her like he did with me, in front of her face. that we should end what we had. even for fed. theres still that jealosy that wont ever go away. its just another boy that lied to me. just another boy i'll cry over. i dont know how i feel about fed anymore. its like - hes not enough, i cant be happy when i'm with him. mabey i do need these pills. but i think its just anohter escape from reality. i'll be another statistic. i already am... i need to get over everything and soon, but i know i just cant... you dont even look at me anymore. i need to run away. i need to move. i keep telling my mother that things will me so much better if we just leave everything behind and start again. i cant talk to fed about any of this, all it does is hurt him. i should hate her, but all she is doing iss following her heart and not her head. just like i did. people say shes my twin. i know i honestly should care so much about all of this, but its haunting me and i cant get anything out of my head. i was going to call pyro to take me to sarah's, thats the only place that i know i'm loved and safe. how is my life so different? i want to be happy again, but after the drugs and the social distruction, i honeslty dont think i can take that. i need to leave. i've always been saying this, but this pain is too much to take. i want to cry, but i dont need anymore attention. the police made it very clear, that we do not live in a free country and m oppinion not only doesnt matter, but it doesnt matter what i want and how i feel. but i didnt need two bastards who wanted to arrest me to tell me that. i was actualy considering letting them take me to jail. i couldnt think what else would fix me right now. PLEASE for my sanity stop touching her... oh shit i'm about to cry dont please oh god. just leave her alone!!!! school is my only escape from the shit at home, and home is my only escape from school. i need to run. i need to leave. please stop touching her