well i'm at least trying, trying to fix things between me and fed, but when i try to talk to him >like he wants me to?< he explodes or makes me feel horrible. but i deserve it, dont i? but.. even if i do, if fed doesnt want to be coopertive, or just be a bit nicer, by the end of school.. or well he thinks that i dont have my "shit strait" but honeslty, he told me that before and thats why i'm talking to him now. but i swear, i'm about to give up. he says its up to me what happens now, but all i want is you know what? i dont know what i want from fed anymore. he should have just dumped me, screamed at me once and gotten it over with. i'd blame meinie, but i know i'm not stupid enough for that, this is my fault. sure, meinie fucking USED me and thats no fun, but i let him. and then got attatched... so right now, i'm so upset i just wish that i could show fed that i'm retarded... but whenever i try to talk to him, he makes me feel worse. mabie ignoring him was the best thing to do. i should have known. "when you appologize, you leave yourself vulnerable " jesus, if we have ever said anything right... so mabie me and fed should cease to be. i mean, i can wait a few years for jupiter? right? of course i can! but do i want to? GOD no! but it would be for the best, wouldnt? fed wouldnt have to worry about this girl cheating on him, or lying or anything. and i wouldnt have to...... be sad? no no, i was FINE before meinie. oh, right. and i wouldnt have to be so selfish that i want too much from fed. because the whole attention whore shit, was not working for fed, he didnt understand. ah, and thats why there was meinie. he made up for it. and i fell for it.... so honesltly, if shit doesnt end by thursday, i have to end it. i've already lost hope in this fucking relationship. and its getting me angry. i'm not going to be the only one who gives a shit in this relationship. period. "when you appologize, you leave yourself vulnerable " god fucking danmit.....