NO MORE RESEARCH PAPER!!!!! edit: Its hard to see your friends in pain, especially when you know what that pain is like, or you can empathise with it. I am so worried about them because I don't want to have to go through again what I have been going through the past couple of years. It should get me but it does. I keep thinking of new reasons why the situations should fuck me up and then it ends up fucking me up. I think it was Mrs. Tutnick that brought it my attention. I don't think I've ever been too happy, but at least it was normal human insecurity. The past year has been an emotional trainwreck, just the whole time feeling like all that it is possible for me to do is give up. It's not only sadness and missing somebody who's gone. I have horrible nostalgia, jealousy, self-hate and just all this bullshit that is stupid for me to have because I am not that type of person. But I guess I am now. It's not on purpose, I just sort of had a wake up call and now I see whats going on. fuck you matt, fuck you ryan, fuck you ganny