Have u ever gone through the day not feeling right? I've been like this all day. It's almost like somthings missing but then again there is far too much going on in my head. I can't concentrate but when i try to think what my minds wandering to i just get lots of blurs. I also feel like somthings coming. It's really strange im not scared of it but i can feel its going to change things. This could all be in my head i mean theres so much in there just now that i can't control. I'm starting to forget important things and I'm really tierd but i still wake up at 3 in the morning not knowing what the hell to do with myself i feel like laughing and breaking into tears at the same time. I'm so behind at school just now and i cant sit down and catch up cause i cant concentrate. I keep forgetin to tell people things or i tell then the same thing like 10 times. Iv not been at peace in ages. I think my mates are starting to notice a change aswell i've never been a really up-beat person but i feel like i never smile anymore and i don't know what to say to them i feel like im keeping things from them but when i do tell them things i feel like they don't care and don't want to know. I try and tel them things that i've been thinking about and they just say "yeh" and talk on about them self. i've been told im a great listener but its nice to be heard every so often. I love my firends and wouldn't trade them for anything they mean the world to me and it's not there fault i feel like this. I miss having that person to talk to but they hurt me so much ill never look at them in the same way again. I can't really trust anyone just now with all my emotions cause i can't handel them myself. I'm even catching myself making big deals out of nothing. Everything is so dramatic. I like this guy but i don't think it will ever be anything special but im still hung up on him. I keep seeing him look at me the way he was on sunday and it makes me long just to be in his company but then there is part of me that thinks that he is just a guy nothing special and everyone says hes totaly in love with this other girl. Not only that another of my friends likes him. So i feel like i can't do anything with him. Even though im sure my mate would if she had the chance. God i can't stop seeing his eyes looking right at me almost into me. God im so fucked up just now. I feel like nothing i want to just dissapear or fade into the background i don't want to have to worry about who im hurting or anoying or if i'm doing the right thing its too much i feel so much strain and im not couping i need to take a step outside my life and look around im trying so hard to see all the good in it but its so well hiden i just dont know what the hell to do with my self. I'm gonna go now. I'll post later Eli xXxXxXx