Okay, so once again I've fallen behind keeping a regular updated journal . .. SORRY! I think I've just been so busy lately, I haven't been able to sit down at write . .. actually, I should be doing hw right now . . . Today (valentine's day) went pretty well considering the day normally sucks. It really has depressed me in the past. I mean, with every new year and every new valentine's day, I am losing time that could be spent with someone I love . .. but I haven't found that person. It's really frustrating to know time is slipping by and you have no control over it whatsoever. i guess the good part about today was hanging with friends who are hilarious to be around .. . too bad i had that stupid chemistry quiz to study for (which never took place!) i could have had a FUN study hall! oh well . . . there's still thursday. tomorrow combo plays after assembly, which i'm kind of freaking about considering how shitty i played last time . .. i seriously don't know what happened. it was like i had to push against some invisible force (it was more than being nervous) to even hit the stupid drumhead. i felt like such a failure . . . i just don't want to do it . . . ever, ever again. i really have no interest in this competition . . . i mean, i wouldn't mind watching . .. that would be cool . .. but i'm not a competitive person when it comes to music . .. i like to play for fun. i'm just worried that i'll screw the combo over with my dumb, (currently fucked up) playing . . . they shouldn't have to suffer from my incapability to hit the drum. ooommmmmmggggg . .. stress! what's more stress, is that . . . i seem to have a serious problem with focusing. I'm not joking. Like today in study hall . . . omg . .. it was pathetic . .. i kept reading the same sentence for like 15 minutes cuz i was listening to mis amigos (kate, marina, molly, michelle, and hannah) hablan and laugh. it's become a growing problem for me . . . procrastination and distraction. . . . hahaha, i don't want to go on drugs or anything . .. but, idk . .. i need to get my act together . . . i don't want to be perpetually a slacker, but i also want a life outside school. it's so hard. my tests haven't been too hot lately . . . i'm really slipping. speaking of slipping . . .my hand really hurts from that embarrassing, awful fall yesterday. mrs. o, stephen aschroft, and julianna smith were the only ones that saw . .. but it was soooooooooo bad. stephen freaked cuz he thought he'd actually have to say "are you okay" when he thought he was the only one who saw. julianna was trying to suck up to me by asking if i was okay and trying not to laugh (bitch) and kate's mom asked me if i was okay . .. which almost made me cry . .. lol. i'm so pathetic. when adults ask if i'm ok, i can really lose it sometimes. the most awful part though was when i had to play combo right after school. it was still bleeding and stuff. but i couldn't put a bandaid on it cuz it would just fall off or get in the way. it hurt sooooooo bad! that combo practice was a nightmare. i almost cried in that too cuz i felt like such a failure when i just could not play at all. okay . .. well . .. i should probably be getting back to homework . . . ugh. but, before i go . .. i was told to mention somebody . . . who is very cruel to me!!!!!! HANNAH MENDLOWITZ . . . don't believe anything she puts in her profile that i have appeared to have said. it's a conspiracy! it's all way out of context! i'm really a good person . . . really i am . .. - Addie Oh yeah . .. and if you people (*cough* Kate *cough* Hannah *cough*) don't get an online diary soon . . . i'm going to block it so only my online diary buddies can read this . . .. get one!!!!!!!!!