I was on the fone with Matt for like, 2 hours and one minute! Exact. I accidently woke him up ... I'm sorry... ehhh ... I dont know. I felt so happy when I talked to him. I dont know .. but I love his voice ... it makes me blush, and ... and ... go all weak and everything. I've NEVER done that! EVER. Well ... Being I said nothing about me in the first entry ... my name is Tori. I'm a good friend, and a person who needs love, to believe that she is worth living. An animal lover, and a lover of the Arts. She draws fairly well, and, she also sings, and plays guitar. Bi sexual, and also Troubled ... my heart, belongs to Matt at this moment .. and she hopes it will stay that way for awhile. She loves him, maybe a bit more then he loves her. She likes photography, and not afraid to be herself. Also, she cannot survive without music. She doesnt think she's pretty, nor beautiful, despite what everyone tells her ... She wants to be a Marine Bilogist. With black hair, and hazel eyes, she wanders this planet ... Wishing that only someone would save her ... Yup .. thats me. Anyway ... heres the poem ... One minute I wake up, And I'm alone. The skies are grey, Rain, Pouring down hard. A sigh escapes my lips, And once again your gone. I miss your arms around me, And how, you'd kiss my nose. And mostly how you'd look at me. And whisper, that you love me. But this morning, I woke up, And a tear, steadily forming in my eye, As it rolls down my cheek .. I feel your lips, touch my skin. A slight smile, already forming. Cuddled close, and laying down slightly, The sound of rain, still hits me, And I open my eyes ... To find..that no ones there...

Do you know what China factories do to their workers? Sweatshops, Child Labor Laws, and the like? Look it up. I'll sure you'll be disturbed. Walmart is evil. The end. http://www.nlcnet.org/campaigns/archive/report00/introduction.shtml

Well, we get report cards today. I'm fucking scared as shit. >.<; I hate my failure self. What a way to start 07. u.u;

Tomorrow, Johnny and I are going to a concert called christmas khaos. Korn is its headliner. Im only really going so I can see Mudvayne. But seeing Korn should be cool. I know James is going, and so is (gags) Chelsea and Ness. I will push that bitch in the pit. Im gonna mosh my brains out tomorrow. And I hope it rains. If it rains, it makes everything so much cooler.

Wow. Haha. I had nothing better to do, then to sit here, and reread the drama that WAS my life. I was so immature then. Anyway, I figured I'd update this shit with new pics of me. I've aged. Matured. And I look better. The header photo, is an example. Bwahaha. Anyway, here they are. Thats all for now. <3

Life sucks. Period.

So, I went last night to 3 diffrent barnes and nobles. NONE of them were open. I was highly pissed. And at 6:00, too. They were closed. WTF?! So then I went to Waldenbook sin the broward mall. Yeah. They took it out about 3 months ago. I was having bookstore problems last night. They were all against me. Didnt want me to finish Paradise Kiss, I guess. So then I went into Sam goody. O M G Hottest Asian in the feckin world was at the Manga stand. I just about died. He was wearing a Sex Pistols shirt. He looked like this: Can we say TURN ON? Man. It was great. He looked at me, and complimented my skirt. After that. I made a mental note to wear that skirt more often. Then I bought Imadoki volume 1. And I have to say, its odd. But I like it! After I left sam goody, I went into Spencers, and bought a Star pin, and a star wars pin for Zach. Then went to the food court, and got some Edo food, and green tea. And then I saw a friend from my old Middle School, and I went over and talked to him. It was nice seeing Anthony again. Then. I was leaving, and I saw a stand that was selling barbells, and stuff. I ended up buying two of them. A star, and a hear. They ish so Kawaii! They remind me of the FRUiTS fashion. So I had to def. get em. MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP! YAY!! Anyway, moving on. I had the WEIRDEST dream last night. I was in a school, (location unknown) and, I was apparently dating soime guy (highly unlikely). And he was the SWEETEST guy ever. His name was Frey... and yeah. XD. All I know, is that he was a GOOD feckin kisser..

Wow, tis been awhile SIT. I recently got a Livejournal, so Ive neglected you. No one knows this diary, so I feel safe writing in here. I broke up with Nik, and for a fw reasons... he knows what those are. I might go back to him, I might not. I dont know yet. Im sitting here at Hillarys. I lovrher so much. Shes not like roxy, shes not like mikey. I can laugh with her always. I dont feel obliged to do shit with her, like I do wih everyone else. Pretty much.. a really good friend. Moms bday is coming up, I cant wait. Im planning something for her. Johnnys coming over and everything! Well, I gotta split, ill be writing in here more often!

Keep your voices to a whisper, We dont want to be heard, Acting of sudden violence, To the social distortionous guilt, Hearts beating violently, While my hand taps on your window pane Praying inside my head, you'll answer. Do not shun me away, because you know I love you. Take me into your loving arms, because you know I need you. Ask me to stay with you, because you know you missed me. Whenever I look into his eyes, It makes me want to turn to stone. To keep that everlasting moment of true happiness. Leave a whisper....

XxDevilFairiexX: hey xXFishnetSorrowx: Hi xXFishnetSorrowx: Did rachel and estefan break up? XxDevilFairiexX: yea XxDevilFairiexX: are you mad at her??? XxDevilFairiexX: tell me xXFishnetSorrowx: I dont give a shit. XxDevilFairiexX: no seriously XxDevilFairiexX: she feels bad xXFishnetSorrowx: I dont give a shit. XxDevilFairiexX: okaii xXFishnetSorrowx: I felt nothing. XxDevilFairiexX: w/e xXFishnetSorrowx: Tell her I take no claim to him, never have, never will. XxDevilFairiexX: im not on the fone with her or ne thing xXFishnetSorrowx: Oh. XxDevilFairiexX: yea xXFishnetSorrowx: So, Ness and her go out now? XxDevilFairiexX: yea Fucking hypocrite...

Sitting here, with the lights down low, Thinkin to myself, why I'm such a fool. I try to make people happy, To see what I can see, And then again, I'm lain down on a floor full of nails, Pushing through my skin, Grasping on to my every last hope and dream, And then I cant help but scream, As the tears stride down my face, And I cant believe, the decision I had to make. I thought that you cared, I thought you were diffrent, And out of all the people I care for, I thought that you would be there always. Guess I was wrong, I guess my tears mean nothing, I want to feel that blade grazing across my skin, To relieve me from this torture, I wanted you to be here, I wanted you to understand ... But that'll never happen ...

Wow. I tell myself I wont fall in love anymore, and I did yet again. But its an oxymoron, you cant tell yourself to not love, just ;like you tell yourself not to cry. Or, not to eat or listen to Music. I think I've rea;lly fallen for him, you guyts. And I cant help it. I tried today, to stay away from him, but it didnt work. Today in lunch, I sat all the way across the room. And then he was flirting with Yvette. I bit Zach, so hard, I think I bruised him. I didnt want to cry. I didnt want to show him how much I liked him. And now, afterwards, I'm finally crying. I wrote a poem, and I showed it to Alliey, and she just looked at me and said she was sorry that I was sad. I cant help it. At least I tried... this weekend I'm supposed to hang out with him .. should I? Or should I go hang out with Johnny, and just forget I had plans tonight with Ness? I dont know ... I'm so confused... Roxy and Chelsea might go out. Lovely, right? And her and Estefan might go out, too. Roxy broke mike, again. And I dont thinbk he will EVER go out with her again. Matt last night was trying to make me feel better. Deanna is trying to make me feel better now. I was walking to 5th hour, and flashes of him holding me, and kissing me ran through my mind. And the, I almost broke down. So I tried not to think about it. I thought about last night, instead. There was a dance, and everyone was there. They played Marilyn Manson, and Slipknot for us. But that was it. Which is ... sucky. We actually had a pussy moshpit that was fun. But then, ally ( a diffrent one) wet her WHITE tshirt, and he had her against the wall, and was humping her... eh .. I tried not to pay attention ... so I just went into the crowd, or I sat against the wall.... God ... I am so blind...

Well everyone, today was an awesome day. I saw Ness, gave him the CD's I owe him, and shit. He gave me a gem, and stuff .. and he drew this on my arm.

Okay, so maybe I over reacted a bit with Mike. We had a talk today, and everything was going good, that it, until Hillary coped an attitude with my mom, and my mom snapped back. Then Hillary went and got Mikes mom, and told mikes mom what was going on. And now, I am so fucking afraid of losing mike. I dont think I have ever felt this way about him. I'm actually afraid to lose him. I couldnt believe I cared so much until now. And I'm crying again because of it, because I'm thinking about it. And stuff. And I think his mom hates me. And I know he was scared last night, that our friendship might have been over. Oh my god, I am so scared. I need my best friend. I've known him forever, and I dont know what Im going to do. Mu chest hurts, my head hurts, and it feels as if, Im digging a knife across my flesh, just torturing myself, until I die. I am so fucking scared you guys. I havent been in this situation for awhile with Mike. But now .... now .... I am. And He's scared, too. I mean, maybe his mom was just mad last night because of Hillary waking her up, I dont know. Or maybe, she was truely mad at me. I cant be sure .... I cant be sure of anything anymore ..... By the way, happy Birthday, Johnny. Your 15, YAY! ...damnit ... Im so fucking Bi polar ....

I hate my friends. They can all go to hell. Mike, has been lying to me for the past god knows how long. I know Roxy tries to come over here, but shes too afraid to come over here by herself. And Hillary, Hillary is a bitch. They all went down to riverfront today, and didnt stop to think I'd want to go. No, of course not. I'm sick and tired of it. Really, I am. So, I am going to get my guitar back, and then I'm done with him. I'm out of 000 Llama, Zach makes me want to puke. Gah. The human race deserves to be annihalated. I'm a "Vampire" apparently, so. Bleh. I stayed on the Phone with Johnny and Ness all night last night, that was cool. Anyway, I'm just going to go. nothing much has been going on. Ive known mike for 6 fucking years, and this isw what I get repayed with. Meh. Anyway, I SURVIVED! We had a hurricane this weekend, and there still isnt school tomorrow. I stayed in my house, and talked to Ness and chelsea through the whole thing. Thats how bored we were. we had no electric, no music, no TV. Man. I felt like I was Amish. (haha thanks Johnny for that idea.) There so much drama going on right now. I dont want to deal with it. TO Matt: Of course I love ya, dude. Yes you are one of my better friends, so dont ever think you never made a diffrence!

TODAY WAS FRIGGEN GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This morning, I got off the bus and I walked over to Ness and Cat. They were taking about something, and I just happend to run in on the convo. I was totally lost. Well, afterwards, Ness told me that Sasha (it wasnt cheyanne, it was SASHA... whatever.) Broke up with him, because SHE WAS MORE INTO LESBIANS. Thats gotta hurt .... I mean, here you have a HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT guy, whose tall, and strong, and shit, AND YOU DUMP HIM FOR A GIRL!!! How much does that just blow you away? lmao. So he was like' "I'M SINGLE! I'M SINGLE! I can mess around with you again!" My god, too too funny. Then we left for class. And I saw him going downstairs for 4th hour. I told him I was going home... and he told me to stay. I didnt wanna, and he was surprised I wasnt wearing purple and black today .... I WAS WEARING GREEN NEON ARMWARMERS!!!!!! Fishnet ones, at that. Anyway, then I called my mom in the middle of 4th, to pick me up. I told her to come at like, 1:30, so i could hang out with the gang. And yeah. HES SINGLE and and and ...it was sooo funny. I was in lunch., and Ness flipped me off, and I said "when where and how hard?" he pointed to the bathroom, and said, "kinky, bitch!" and I put out my hand, and he took it, and then we 'pretended' to walk away, and then he forgot he had condoms in his wallet, and he said "plenty of time baby, it expires in 2008' .... Then my mom came, and I gave him a Hug, and I went home. Now my mom see's who i hang out with, and shit. Awesome stuff. Anyway, hands hurt, Ill type later.

I like this kid named Ness at my school. Great way to start out, am I right? Anyway, we have been getting to be close friends, and, well.... I really fucking like him. He bit my neck the other day, and kept telling me he was single. Is that a hint? Should I have been more aware? Because now, he goes out with a 7TH GRADER, named Cheyanne, or whatever her name is. Today, he was acting really weird around me, and stuff ... besides that, school sucks. Everything sucks. I got my schedule changed. I'm in classes where im an outcast, and everybody hates me. Nice, huh? I'm 'the devil'. EXCELLENCE! ... BLEH! I feel like writing a poem, I mwan, thats why I named the entry what I did ........ I have to go, BUT WHEN I RETURN I SHALL WRITE THE POEM!

She thought he was the one, He thought she was his all, They thought no matter what would come, They would never ever fall, Reaching the heavens above, Was only another step closer to hell, And all the little promises, Meant nothing at all. The look in his eyes were serious, The blade to her throat was real, And all of this depression, Was based upon something, that wasnt real, So with a tear in her eye, And a flick of the wrist, She was dead across the floor. And no to this day, He thinks about her, and cries, And relizes, She was his everything. 12:15 made by me...

Well, to that last entry, many people understood me. That makes me happy. Recently, I guess you can say my problems have faded into the clearing, and everything is soon to be okay. Tonight, I'm going to this.... err... tattoo convention ... Awesome shit. With my friend Roxy, and her parents. I dont thnk my moms happy about it, because we'll be out till like 12 or something, but Mike ditched me, And Chris's mom wont come and pick me up prolly, so I get to go with Him tomorrow, or ... something. If I dont get to an anime convention fast, im gunna blow a gasket. ... Seriously ... Tuesday is Projekt Revolution.. I GET TO SEE CHRIS AND RALPHY DUDE PERSON! YEAH! And its the second day of school. I dont know whose classes im in this year, I dont think im in any of my friends classes except for 4th house. I get to see Austins and Alliey in yearbook. But, I get to see everyone else at lunch ... at the end of the day ... which kinda sucks, and kind of doesnt, because we get an hour lunch. Deannas party was awesome. I got to see all my old NRMS friends... and relized how much I missed them. I promise I'll start writing more, If I get inspired by something .... * * *OKay. *ahem* Iwas supposed to go to sawgrass with Mike. That was cancelled because they are going to an RV convention. Then plans were made for me to go to a tatoo convention. That was cancelled because we get home at 12 am. THEN, I had suggested me and my mom go to gamestop, trade in some games, and get a new one to play tonight. That was cancelled, because my friend doesnt feel like DRVING me there. But offered to drop me off at sawgrass, ALONE. Now you tell me, what fun is it to be at the mall by yourself..