Rough day. Very rough day. Which is the reason why I cant sleep. Its just past 3am, and I havent been awake this late in forever. I have a lot running through my mind right now. So much that it's hard to seperate it all and comprehend it. I know what it has to deal with, but I dunno why Im letting it get to me. Actually, I know why it is getting to me- I just cant help it. There are those people in life, where once you sit back and look you realize that they mean so much to you. And once they leave, its hard to deal with it... especially when you know you could have always counted on them before. Sure I fucked up, a lot, and probably was the final reason why they got up and left, but whether it was my fault or theirs, it's hard to work wth. Even if it was on them in the end, I dont think I could have a slight bit of anger towards them. Although I do get upset at times, they have done nothing but good for me. I appreciate it, so much, but I just didnt want it all to end... I know Im still young and I have so much ahead of me, but it's going to be hard to forget the First Love. Ill be honest, theres a part of me that wishes I could forget this whole thing, but I know I wont. He made too much of an impact on my life to forget... Y'know Jase, I understand that it's basically nothing when I cant be with you physically... when Im not there for you to hold, or to touch... because I was thinking that too, I was taking that hard, but you gotta believe me when I say just hearing your voice was good enough for me, and that I miss you whenever we don't talk. There were pleantly of times where it was you who was the only one who made me truley smile during the day. I mean, shit, just thoughts of you would end up making my day. And you are the only one who has made me cry from being so happy... because you in my life in any sort of way was simply the best, feeling loved from you the way that you did love me was just amazing. In a weird way, you made me feel like I was ontop of the world, that nothing could touch me, that I was completely safe. And there was not a day that I didnt think you didn't love me... and I trust that those last words you said to me are true to this minute. I love you baby, I always will... Just dont forget me, please. "If you could see me now, if you could look into my eyes you would know that Im enternally yours You would then realize I shall never love another My heart beats only for you Each beat echoing my everlasting love In all I say and do If two souls were to ever be as one 'Tis your soul and 'tis mine If forever is everlasting then so is this love of mine I know not of nevermore For what I feel is true It is desire, passion, and tenderness 'Tis everlasting for you" ...Remember that baby, just remember...