Im just laying in my bed... (my bro and i got my mom a wireless network thing for mothers day so I jacked it from her Lol) Ive been thinking a lot today. I couldnt get my mind off of that boy... There are so many things that Id like to say, but I just dont know how to put them. I dont know how to even start the way of expressing my feelings for him. Awhile back, I was honestly confused about the way I felt. But now I know that it isnt some little crush like it has been with everyone else. Hes the guy of my dreams, and to ME, hes goddamn perfect. I cant describe my perfect guy without mentioning his name. We do have our little glitches in [whatever it is we have]... such as complete jealousy. But its ok, and I understand that there isnt going to be a day where one of us isnt going to be all protective. It gets hard to deal with sometimes, because I dont think he comprehends that I dont want anyone else but him. I just wish taht I could make him believe me... I wish that he'd believe I love him... I wish he'd believe that he's my everything... I wish he'd believe that hes what makes me so happy... I cant even list all the things he's done for me either... from making my day start out good by making a simple call to me in the morning, letting me be ME, helping me find ME and every little thing inbetween... There has not been one day where my love for him as disappeared a tiny itty bitty bit. I swear it grows minute by minute, day by day... He is my best friend. He truely is. He knows me in and out. He knows me like no other... I have never let anyone else in on the same level (which is practically the highest) as him. He is always there for me, whenever I need to talk, and he understands me. He has never passed judgements about me in a serious way and I dont think I could ever repay him. He doesnt come to me as much as I go to him, and I dont know if that is because he doesnt need to talk about it, he goes to someone else, or nothing really goes on, but I just hope he knows Im there for him. I know there was a time where I didnt exactly hold true to that, but it was because I didnt know he needed to talk and that something was wrong. It was my bad, definately, since I should have known, but Ive learned from it... I will sit there and be more observant. ...All I can say right now is that I love him. Im so in love with this boy.... But im scared out of my mind that he's going to leave me............... Sometimes I sit here and wonder how things would be if I hadn't tried so hard. Of course I wouldnt be the same person as I am today, but I dont think Id be a better person if I hadn't. He has made me who I am today... He has helped me find myself. He opened a completely different world for me to see... I had always had insecurities, but when I talk to him, they are gone. I dont know if he intentionally does these things, but damn, I cannot thank him enough. It IS scary sometimes, feeling this extraordinary feeling in such an intense way. Sometimes I feel like it may be TOO much... But it has never felt awkward to have it. I love this feeling... It makes me so damn happy... But it just sucks sometimes when I want to get it out and I cant. I just wish I could be with him for one second... Id give anything just to be with him and give him a little hug right now...