wow.... havent typed in my sit diary in FOREVER... thats crazy... but n e ways the update of me.... i stopped doing drugs .... completely ... :) i am now going to AA/NA meetings (alcoholics anonymous/Narcotics anonymous) and im gonna start going to those intell im about 18 then im gonna start teaching them to make big money... :) i dunno wut people think of me now that i dont smoke pot.. its like who is nick without pot and drugs.. i dunno... do u kno?.. i guess im bound to find out.. but uhh holler at me sumtime and we will chill the drug free way.. however that is...

i feel pretty good... i ate , so im full... my ulcir doesnt hurt n e more... im going home tommarow... nicko and shoobo - we make bozo look like a fuckin mime.... woo wooo i go home and its fucking summer.. and then in 7 days after i get back i get my fuggin permit.. its gonna be dope... im really excitged right now i have alot of stuff coming up...

the smog is afar, and the sand is near, i dont like the sand as much as i like the fog.. i wish it wasnt like this... i dont like realizing where she might be... i never kno when she is lieing if she ever does lie cause miles of land apart us, not to mention a ocean.... i dont think she is lieing but why wouldnt she tell me if she went sum where.. it makes me think sumthings up even tho i shouldnt think that... if she feels the way i feel about her then theres nothing i should worry about... she should have no worrys about me but also i dont kno people here.. i should just get this stupid shit off my mind, i worry way to much i just never show it cuz im scared that she might not like that i worry to much.. ive known people to not like that... she tells me its ok but i still feel insecure... she tells me she miss's me but i feel unwanted... i thought it would be a good idea to spend time away from everybody just incase they were starting to get tired of me and so on but now that im actully away.. im scared.. very scared.. that i will lose my one and only clown... if you are reading this ... dont take it personally.. its just the way i am.. and i mean ill be worried until i come back to the homelands... dad if ur reading this.. i miss you i sumtimes wonder if my dad is just hiding.. and hes waiting for the right time to come out and surprise me... as mad as i would be at him.. i would love it so much... last night when i had an encounter with the cops i was like man i wish i had my dad to call... cuz my dad hated cops.. it got me so depressed but i didnt want to show it cuz i dont like it when people ask me if im depressed cuz of my dad.. i dont like people knowing im depressed at all... u all probably will say "its not that big of a deal being depressed" i think it is.. maybe it isnt the biggest deal in the world but i dont want people to be scared to talk about my dad around me.. its not that big of a deal.. it sux knowing that u will never see sumone that u love so much ever again..and sumtimes i ask.. why me... u would never think that it would happen to u until it actully does happen...sumtimes i feel like i will end up like my dad.. cuz knowone would really ever know that im depressed.. i keep it all inside... like my dad.. i feel like im making the same mistakes as my dad did.. but i hate it so much when my mom says that im acting like my dad or that im growing up to be my dad... i feel like its an insult.. or maybe its cuz i miss him so much i miss you dad

im so damn eager to get home... n e ways... today me and kris went and chizilled in the muhdafuggin hottub.. it was ok... but hottubs get agervating after a while.. we are now just sitten in the appt. ( yes i kno we are lameass's ) but i mean wut can ya do... weve dont just about everything we can do down here... i think tonight me nad kris might go and do gokarts or sum silly shit.. 32 cents .... 32 fuckin cents... today me nad kris went and ate at this bbq place that we have ate at alot on our trip to flordia..when we got there we realized that we only have 22 dollers but we didnt worry cuz i mena wut kinda meal would be 22 dollers... i orderd the usually but instead of saying basket.. i said "platter" which was a 12 fucking doller MEAL!! it was paposterous... n e ways.. we were really worried that we wernt gonna have enough... we had 22 dollers.. and the bill was 22.32.. so we ask the laty if she can spare us 32 cents and she responds "u have to pay the full bill before u can leave" it was fucking rediculous...i was thinking.. im not tipping this bitch... so i asked sum person to the table next to us if we could have 32 cents for the rest of our meal and they gave it to us happily and were like do u need a couple dollers for tip and i was like im not tipping cuz shes an ass... wat a fucker... t - minus 2 days until we come home.. woo woo.. im excited to arrive home cuz i miss all my friends ... expecially my shoobo.. and he back scratches.. and her kisses... boooooo im never going on vacation for 10 days again.. i rather be at home... althought this has been an adventure.. im sure that when i get home i will wish that i never came back but i mean as long as i have my shoobo im sure it will be worth coming back... later on all

today me and kris went to the mall once again and got gifts for shoobo gina roger and chrii... i also purchased a modest mouse cd sence kris decided to not bring his cds to flordia... afterwards we went swimming.. for like 10 minutes but it was pretty nice... then we spent FOREVER trying to hook this fucking laptop up... im currently trying to talk to my shoobo but shes not cooperating... shes eating.. and sitting quietly with her limphand... i miss my shoobo.. and her kiss's... i kno that ive prolly said that like 20 times already but i mean the more i say it the more i miss her... which that would prolly mean i shouldnt say it. but i really do miss them quite a bit. i love my kristopher... i am gonna miss him alot when he goes to college... man he has a hole new adventure ahead of him.. HE BETTER INVITE ME TO PARTYS DOWN THER FUCKING WKU PARTY SCHOOL LOOKIN ASS... me and him will prolly have many fun times to come this summer... I MISS MY FUCKING SHOOBO

today was great.... me and kris woke up and then went and chilled in the hottub at the hilton in.. it was relaxing.. afterwards.. we watched the surfers glide the waves.. they are good... next we took a taxi to the mall again and chilled for a couple of hours... and now here i am... kinda a lame day but no day is lame when ur in sandestin.. just knowing ur in sandestin is the best feeling... its kinda weird how u love to be in sandestin but u cant wait to get back to the homelands... last night kris got a kreepy phone call from sumone and they were saying all this stuff about killing him and all this gay shit.. i would never let n e thing happen to my kristopher.. i would take a bullet , a bite , or a knife for him... the weird thing is that we just thought it was sum prankster being a fuckhead but i checked my phone in the morning and saw that i had one mist call from an unknown number .... kris received his call from an unknown number as well.. ive noticed today that im so happy.. im such a happy kid now.. sence my druggy days and such ive been doing better... im not such a lameass like i used to be... im having great times... im even happier that i have my shoobo.. shes one of the best things that have ever happend to me... im living a great lifestyle now.. having more fun than ever.. i give my self a big pat on the back... comment if u would like.. but dont burst my bubble about shit

i am burnt...its ok cuz it will turn into a nice ass tan.. ill be sexy when i get back to kentucky :).... yesterday we went to the mall again.. and then went to the baytown wharf... when we approched the baytown wharf these girls were following us... so kris starts talking to them and i just sit there cuz i mean this bitch was UG... and of corse i got my shoobo... and kris decides he wants them to come back to the appartment.. *sigh* they were all trying to hit on me so i went into the bathroom... locked the door. and called shoobo... u all may think im a pussy or sumthin but im just being loyal... and also this bitch was ug.... lol but n e ways they finally fucking left me and kris look at a couple pages through my new book "Manson in his own words , Confessions of the most dangerous man alive" its gonna be a dope ass fuckin book... n e ways.. i dunno wut we are gonna do tuday... we usually dont make plans.. i kinda wanna go rent sea doo's today... its nice out... althought it did rain yesterday so the sharks could be out.. :( that would be bad news... well i guess i will talk to u all laters... comment if u would like...

wow it is so fucking nice down here...u wouldnt understand inless u were in my point of view... last night i sat outside and talked to shoobo on the phone and watched the stars because there are NO clouds down here... its so nice.. perfect weather.. the oceans sexy.. and everyone is soo nice.. i miss all my friends in kentucky but its good to get away every once and a while just incase people were getting tired of me or sum silly shit... i expecially miss my shoobo and chrii unit... i want to stay down here for so long but i cant wait till i see my friends again... yesterday me and kris took a strole on these dope ass cruisin bikes to the beach and to the baytown wharf... its soo nice down here.. today we went and swam in a pool for a lil bit.. then took the avalanch to the beach and we went kyaking which was pretty cool until kris got stung by a jelly fish... pffft fucking jelly fish.. i hate the ocean thers so many nasty fucking things n it but i take my chances cuz its so nice and its once in a blue moon u get to swim in a ocean.... i sumtimes worry when im not around that shoobo might find sum other guy... i shouldnt worry cuz i trust her but i dont trust guys... i mean its her decision tho not mine... but i trust her .... and she can defently trust me cuz whenever i see a girl i just think of shoobo... :) shoobos perfect.. n e ways u all i am about to go to the baytown wharf again and me and kris are gonna grab a bite to eat and walk around and shit.. and we are gonna go look at a certian suprise that i might get but if i do get it u all will find out when i get bak to kentucky :)... I MISS U ALL shoobo , chrii , gina, dave , greg.... and we will chill when me and kris arrive back to kentucky SANDESTIN FUCKING ROCKS ASS.. LATER ON ALL!

tommarow.. me and kristopher leave for san destin flordia.... its gonna be soooo much fun... i cant wait but yet i can cuz imma miss my frenns soooo much....expecially muh shoobo... imma miss her soo much...im talking to shoobo right now on the phone .. i wish i could be seeing her in person but i mean im sure ill be so muchmore happy when i get back from vacation and see her cuz i wont be seeing her for 10 days.. lol but the days will pass fast.. and ill trynot to think about her to much in flordia.. but i mean theres plus's and minus's to vacations... its ok tho cuz when we get back we are all gonna spend the night sumwhere and have a back scratching extraviganza... or however u spell it.. n e ways i got drunk as a muhfuckah last night...it was fun stuff... i cant beilive i leave in 8 hours to go to flordia.. im soooo excited.. but i think imma go now cuz im tired and im being a lameass... later on all

blah... u guys are great.. i love these things cuz i actully find other people that have the same mental issues as i do... not bad mental issues... stuff that i think that other people dont have.. it makes me wonder sumtimes that im the only one that stuff happends to but in the end im not.. and this made me realize that... n e ways i found out yesterday that my old friends i used to hang with we used to go to this one doods house name shaun.. he is like 30 but he used to always buy us alcohol but i never drank cuz i didnt feel very safe... in matter of fact yesterday i found out that my friends that i used to hang with over there got really drunk and shaun kept giving them drinks until they were past out and then raped them.. various times.. which is horrible... i feel weird just knowing that i used to hang over there.. im so glad that i had a bad feeling about staying over there... if i didnt listen to wut my head told me i could have been one of those kids that are now broken... its really fucked up... me and shoobo are doing good... its been 29 days sence we have been going out.. i really like her alot.. i would never do n e thing to hurt her and i would never want to put her in a uncomfortable situation.. make her do stuff she doesnt want to do.. sumtimes i get depressed thinking about if we ever broke up... sumtimes i get scared for myself... not in a bad way.. but i mean i always lecture people about bad stuff even tho sumtimes i do it or it happends to me.. i dunno i feel like im 2 faced... i leave for flordia in t-minus 5 days... im so excited.. i think that maybe this vacation will be good for me.. to get away from people.. just incase im getting on peoples nerves or people are people are becoming cabin fever with me.. i defently dont want that.. i dont want things to ever change from wut they are right now.. im the happiest ive been in so long.. i forgot wut its like to be happy until now.. i used to think that i was happy but now i kno that i really wasnt.. but now im happy and strong.. i feel better then ever.. and im on my way to recovery... you guys are great... comment if you would like... later all

ive realized that i have alot of anger built up inside... ive realized this becuz when i sit around in the quiet and daydream.. just like everybody in the world does... i day dream about really weird stuff... and when i day dream i feel myself getting really dizzy and feel kinda.. high... well n e ways...when i day dream.. my day dreams are really ... weird.. like everything moves REALLY REALLY fast.. and all the voices and moves are really amplified..and i day dream of really crazy stuff... like people yelling at me, me yelling at people , knocking stuff over , lots of yelling and destroying.. i duno i used to daydream about cool stuff such as flying , rollercoasters , and all good stuff but latly its been trippy... i dunno if other people have the same problem but i feel like it is a symbolic disorder... i dunno wut symbolic means but it sounded like it went with it.. and i alwyas write wut my mind tells me to write in this damn thing.. comment if u would like.. later all

i dont have the words to explain my anger and depression right now.... im so pist off... ive had juist about the worst day of my life... my phone just randomly decides to do so my mom gets all pist off becuz my fucking phoen died... i think shes drunk.. but steven.. oh steve...u have it coming mother fucker... i wish u would call my dad an asshole to my face... u need to shut the fuck up before u get beat the fuck up.. my mom got all angered at me becuz she couldnt get ahold of me to bitch at me.. so anyways... my moms gay druggy ass boyfriend decides to pull my friend aside.. make my friend look like an enemy.. and then tell him that my dads an asshole.. i should fucking kill him right now.. the only people that i care about right now are kris and shoobo.. i hope that me and shoobo stay together for a long time.. i dont need another drama in my life.. i dunno wut i would do without my friends... kris shoobo and chrii... they make me feel so much better... expecially shoobo... the other day i was in a really pist off mood cuz of my omom (like always ) and she made me feel better... like always :)... she makes me smile alot.. more than usually.. but n e ways.. back to my angered side... im really confused... and i dunno wut to do.. i wish shoobo or kris was here to help me.... i just feel so stuck in the middle or sumthin.. and i feel like i should do sumthin about this hole incident but if i do then im just gonna get myself put into more trouble... and i would go insane if i had to stay in this house for a longer period of time.. i hate having another authority figure in this house.. e acts like my dad but he will never be anything more to me than anys boyfriend.. im not calling my mom mom n e more cuz she doesnt deserve to have me lable her as sumthin wspecial... shes nothing special.. all she does is give me depression and anger.. and im sry if i take it out on u.. but its bad... she doesnt care about n e thing mroe than her boyfriend and her... she yells at me about the petiest things... if i sneeze in any other manor than perfect... than she will rip my head off.. saying its disrespectful or sumthin.. its pathetic... and he makes me sick.. the way he struts and yells at my brothers and me like he owns us.. like he is a badass or sumthin.. ill lay that mother fucker out...steven is ruining this family.. ripping it to shreds.. it was all fine before he was here.. i wish things were like they used to be.. comment if u would liek.. im out.

i dunno wut the fuck belligerent means but it sounded cool.. but n e ways.. today i hung with landon a lil then he went home and roger and killa t came over.... we just sat around.. skated a lil bit.. and smiged smigs.. then roger left.. and will came over.. and me and tim took a hike up to walmart and got sum casadias and cokes.. and on the way back the cokes riped and we had to pick them all back up. then when we got back to the house finally thats when will arived... then we realize the casadias we bought were made.. we had to make them ourselves.. which sucked but they were so fucking good.. and then killa t and will left and im sitting here by my lonesome.. and osmosis jones is on the tv and im 2 damn lazy to get up to change the channel.. i feel really comfortable right now for sum reason.. i think its cuz im just sitten back on my bed with rogers laptop.. with the wind blowing throught the window.. and my dope as lighting in my room on... i love the sounds of the outdoors for sum reason... n e ways... comment if u would like.. later on all

uhh this is the first journal n a while.. i havent posted recently cuz i got really drunk and started putting shit on here that i regreted.. n e ways ... i want to say hello again to all the sitD people.. sry ive been awya so long... i kno u all mist me :)... lol but uhh n e ways i started dating the girl that ive been talking to for like a month.. her names shoobo... shes just alike me in soo many ways.. shes really cool... i like her way more than usuall... hopfully everything works out good for a while.. i asked her out on thunder under the fire works ... sexy huh... lol but n e ways i want to shout out to muh friend greg.. he got into a fight the other day which i have one video and was halarious cuz greg is not the kinda cat to fight people.. well n e ways.. i miss u guys and so i guess i will start posting again.. comment if u wish.. later on all

hmm.. well my day has been ok.. i woke up at 11 30... kris came over and hlped me with a lil bit of my work , we went and picked up lauren.. uhh we went to see a fight that didnt happen... we dopped lauren off, went an got a movie at kris' work... went bac to his house.. watched it for about 10 minutes to my mom calling and tellin me i ndded to get the kids off the buss.. uhh we went back to my house.. watched the movie (without a paddle, which is a VERY great movie) and then hung around for a bit, kris left ... i sat around watching my bros, my mom got home around uhh 7, me and my mom and her boyfriend cooked a REALlY good dinner ( i never spend time with my family and eat so it was a good thing) then talked on the internet with shoobo (my partner in clown) then we talked on the phone and just fot off.. we talked for a while.. i like talking with her cuz we are just like.. we are really both funny.. ( i think i like her a bit) then i got off the phone.. wrote how my day was been on here.. and im about to get off and take a shower.. lol i kno this was pointless but i thought i would plot my day out for all u stalkers.. LATER MUHFUCKAHS!

i hate days like this... uhhh guess wut i did .. i woke up.. by myself.. to my mom calling me and saying that she feels bad that i have to spend easter by myself.. so my bro calls me up and says that he is gonna pick me up.. around fucking 7!!! ahhH! and so around like 4.. i drank a lil...wel more than a lil but n e ways.. and then i talked to the girl that i have liked sence 6th grade!... but nuffin is gonna happen between us.. cuz she is in love.. and i dont wanna fuck up our friendship... and then uhh i dunno wut else i did.. ive just had a lonly borng day like everyday... im always lonly.. even when people are around me.. ugh ill shut up

i duno wus wrong with me... it seems like every girl that i get in touch with.. i lose intrest... i duno if it is cuz i dont want to be impacted for all my teenage life with the same girll.. i mean i would like to have a long relationship but it seems like i dont want it or sumthin... i fucked up a couple relationships i had that were ok.. but i mean i duno wut to do.. im not really worried about girls that much tho.. i mean i like them.. ohhh yes suh i like them.. lol but i dunno wut i want.. adn it sems like every time that i get a girl or start talking to one the one that i wanted comes back or sumthin and then i get really confused and i always make the wrong decision.. i duno.. comment if u would like

wow man im really fucking pist right now.. i havent been this pist in a while... i kno i shouldnt be in this but i mean i have so much respect for kris becuz he has been through so much with me and he has helped me out with my mom... drugs... girl... and so much more stuf... i felt like this is my time to pay him back... well thers this fucking immature pathetic girl and they went out for like 5 months.. and were in love.. well... she broke up with him for sum other guy with the bullshit excuse " i think it would help the relationship out more if we take a break for a while" so i mean kris agreed with it for a while but ive never seen him so heartbroken in his life... and this fucking devil is ruining mine and his friendship... ive bitched her out recently a couple of times becuz i hate seeing such a good person like kris be depressed.. and so i confronted her about wut shes doing to people and she didnt like it so shes telling kris pretty much if u are still friends with him we have no chance... the funny thing is that when she got this new boyfriend she has cheated on him with kris with 2 DIFFERENT GUYS!!! its rediculous.. and also she keeps leading kris on saying that shes gonna break up with him soon and go back out wiht kris so that he waits for her and doesnt get another girlfirned... and so when the guy shes with right now realizes how much of a bitch she is he is gonna break up with her and shes gonna have a rebound guy that happends to be kris to be there to comfort her.. and shes gonna go back out with him until she finds another guy and use the same bullshit excuse and then hes gonna break up with her and shes gonna run back to kris again.. its gonna continue.. and its really pissing me off cuz im really tired of this shit.. and i mean im doing all i can and im just really frustrated.. ive dont so much to try to get her off his mind cuz he is wayyyyyyyyyyy to good for her.. i wish he would just see wut i see... comment if u would like.. later on

wow well.. ive actully came to a good day today... for the past couple days me and my mom havent been fighting.. im talking to a new girl now which is really cool.... keeps my mind of stupid shit that i regret .. i dont regret talking to cheri but i mean i dont really wanna wait up on her cuz i duno how long its gonna take and plus i dunno if n e ting would have hapends n e ways.. it seems like me and taylor would be a nice couple tho... shes really cool.. ive only talked to her a couple of time but i mean i gues we are qualified as talking now... (thanks to kris) i love him... lol hes such a good guy... i love hanging with him.. hes having sum troubles but i mean i got his back and i help him out as much as i can... but n e ways... today was fun.. i hung out with taylor and kris and lauren for a bit.. it was fun... but i think ima gte back to school work... :) later on all

man.... live sucks for me right now... i have a mom that all she does is argue and yell at me.. i mean i look at kris and his mom and they have such a strong relationship.. i mean i wish i could just go out to eat and have a nice conversation with my mom without her asshole boyfriend making it worse... i cant stand this for much longer... i have the worst luck... i mean with girls , family , life in general... ugh.. i mean i try to be happy and hide my pain from my friends... but its hard... i mean i try to keep a smile on my face...but w/e .... i really hate how im livning my life... and how my mom is saying that i dont do n e thing around the house... i mean im sry i have a bad back... i cant help that stuff goes like it does.. i dunno im really confusing ... but i mean i have a fucked up life... not an ordanary teens life... i mean i have alot of freedom but yet i would trade my freedom for just a good relationship with my mom... i dunno im just gonna stop im starting to make myself depressed. .... later on all