the smog is afar, and the sand is near, i dont like the sand as much as i like the fog.. i wish it wasnt like this... i dont like realizing where she might be... i never kno when she is lieing if she ever does lie cause miles of land apart us, not to mention a ocean.... i dont think she is lieing but why wouldnt she tell me if she went sum where.. it makes me think sumthings up even tho i shouldnt think that... if she feels the way i feel about her then theres nothing i should worry about... she should have no worrys about me but also i dont kno people here.. i should just get this stupid shit off my mind, i worry way to much i just never show it cuz im scared that she might not like that i worry to much.. ive known people to not like that... she tells me its ok but i still feel insecure... she tells me she miss's me but i feel unwanted... i thought it would be a good idea to spend time away from everybody just incase they were starting to get tired of me and so on but now that im actully away.. im scared.. very scared.. that i will lose my one and only clown... if you are reading this ... dont take it personally.. its just the way i am.. and i mean ill be worried until i come back to the homelands... dad if ur reading this.. i miss you i sumtimes wonder if my dad is just hiding.. and hes waiting for the right time to come out and surprise me... as mad as i would be at him.. i would love it so much... last night when i had an encounter with the cops i was like man i wish i had my dad to call... cuz my dad hated cops.. it got me so depressed but i didnt want to show it cuz i dont like it when people ask me if im depressed cuz of my dad.. i dont like people knowing im depressed at all... u all probably will say "its not that big of a deal being depressed" i think it is.. maybe it isnt the biggest deal in the world but i dont want people to be scared to talk about my dad around me.. its not that big of a deal.. it sux knowing that u will never see sumone that u love so much ever again..and sumtimes i ask.. why me... u would never think that it would happen to u until it actully does happen...sumtimes i feel like i will end up like my dad.. cuz knowone would really ever know that im depressed.. i keep it all inside... like my dad.. i feel like im making the same mistakes as my dad did.. but i hate it so much when my mom says that im acting like my dad or that im growing up to be my dad... i feel like its an insult.. or maybe its cuz i miss him so much i miss you dad