.....and a new beginnin? well thats what im strivein for this year really like its been one hell and i mean hell of a year i really dont know how i got out of this year alive but i did and i think it means something if not nothing some people think im crazy mabe i am i was thinkin that if i was able to become 5150 i would be able to spend more time like all to some cause like garden or library but then i could be the president of the US and get rid of all the bullshit i did go crazy in 06 i did i threw everything to the wind and leapd into the unknown and here i am still typin damn like i changed alot since startin this diary i have yep im glad though im glad that i still have room to grow to better my reality im glad that i went thru what i did this year i am stronger im glad i have a family that loves me and puts up with my crazies im glad i have my health or alive im glad that u are readin this im glad that i can get a card for weed im glad that i saw all the shit i saw this my life and i hope urs is not a fuckin tv show nothing goes as we plan and nothing is fairy tale i saw sufferin i suffered i know of what its like for others that have not much and i feel for them the most and envy them too i want to feel more this new year then ever before i know u could argue that this last year i felt more then before but i think ur missin the point that was one way: down i felt the extreme of depression and self-loathing now is the time to turn around and try other way cause i think this is what im lookin for but Who knowns? this year i plan to do alot of stuff {wow married rich people are the happiest people in the USA and i wonder how they judge their happiest? (yea i hate the fuckin news pray Vishu for the death of tv)} read alot so far i read the stranger into the wild just got done with Leo Tolstoy he tight right now im readin the moon is a harsh mistress i want to start writin to but have yet to pick up a pen mabe ill start another joural since i lost everything on the train i will get in shape i put on some weight well not really but look more meaty and plan on turnin it into muscal not because im vain(my mind is more beatiful and tragic then my body) but in order to kick some ass well no no dont ask ' i thought u didnt believe in volence?' i dont but that some mo-fos are always happering on my happyness and got to regulate that shit ya mea! well yea i propobly wont fight back but at least i would be able to take a beatin ahahahahaha i plan on cuting down i cancer sticks like had none for 2 days and 7 this year less then one a day {i hate the 'el polo loco' song. i am just full of hate arnt i?} would u drink coffee that came out of a cat but? some people do see life is absurd u must understand that to live cause i am and u are absurd creatures that go around like little robots even though we dont think we do but we do so yea i want to create more i want to be more organized i want to stop wantin and just be i am....