I hate being Jealous. I hate myself for feeling that way. Nobody ever asks me if I want to go do things. Nobody ever does- not unless there is an ulterier motive. I am jealous of how easily Jessica and Jordan make friends, while I struggle with it constantly. I struggle with how they never seem lonely. Some nights, I feel so alone, I cry myself to sleep. I hate being jealous of Mike and Nate, and of Marga. I don't want to be. But I want to be their friend too, to associate with them. They have other friends. All I have right now is Jessica. I hate that, too. I hate needing her, feeling like a clingy desperate friend. It isn't her fault. I am just so lonely, and she is the only one around, and I need her company. Because without it, I am friendless. I spend monday through saturday, eager for the phone and internet, because outside of my family, it is the only companionship I get. And I hate myself for that, too. I'm scared of losing her, feeling inadequate against the backdrop of all her fun new college friends. Me, a girl whose heart and mind are still in high school, who is more reserved, and less crazy. I am terrified that she will get bored with me, or decide that she doesn't have time for me anymore. And I would understand it if she did. All I have to offer her is Remus Lupin, and I don't even like doing that. How can a fictional character stand up against reality?