"I tear my heart open, i sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much The scars remind us that the past is real I tear my heart open, just to feel." Whew! So I finally got my grandpa's computer up and running. I was on here for so long last night just TRYING to get online lol! How sad am I? Haha, anywho. So yesterday I left at like 9:00 a.m. out of Palm Springs, flew 2 hours 2 the airport in Dallas, TX, I got all thrown off cuz we left PS at 9:00 and it only took two hours yet in Texas it was already like 1:30 in the afternoon lol. Annndd let me just tell you, the airport in Dallas is INSANE! It's so huge, it reminded me of Disneyland cuz you have to take a tram to get to the different terminals, you can't walk lol. So we had an hour and a half layover in TX,even though it wasn't too bad cuz it took us 30 min to get to the diff. terminal lol then we got back on a different plane and flew 2 1/2 hours to Tampa, FL. So after about an hour of trying to get luggage and getting a rental car, they gave us a really nice SUV too I was stoked cuz I get to drive it lol. So by this time its like 8:00 and we still have 2 hours to drive to get to Melbourne where I used to live and where my grandparents house is...theeennn we hit road construction and get stuck in it for like a freaking hour and a half...make a long story short, we get thru that then travel down a back highway thats PITCH BLACK for the rest of the trip and I'm freakin out cuz Ive been confined in a car/tram/airplane all day and this looks like something out of Wrong Turn lol. Anywho, we get to my grandparents house at like...close to midnight and Im about ready 2 pass the fuck out. But I haven't seen my grandpa in so long so I stayed up to talk to him. It makes me sad how bad he's doing health wise because I know this is probably the last trip out here that he'll still be around. :'(. His alzheimers is getting really bad and he has a pace maker now. My mom took him to a doctor appointment this morning because they wanted to talk to her and the flat out told him straight to his face that he has 1 year to live. How fucked up is that? Telling an old poor man that has no idea whats going on that he's pretty much going to die...and the fact that his family is down here to see him too. I couldnt believe it. The doctor also told my mother that he has to have surgery on Friday..Im like great, we'll still be here...fabulous trip let me tell you. The surgery they are going to perform is on his heart because he has a heart murmur(sp?) i guess and something is blocking his aorta in his heart and isnt letting the same amount of blood out as it's letting in so its all off. My mom said that he was crying and I just wanted to punch a hole in the wall cuz I dont wanna lose another family member, expecially one that cares about me this much and told me he's going to pay to have my car fixed. He was drunk last night and it was so funny lol, we had a lil heart to heart conversation and he had me sit on his lap and hold his hand like i was a lil girl again. It made me want to cry though because he's so sad that we don't leave near him anymore and we can't spend as much time with him as he wanted to ya know.. ahh gosh this is depressing. It's about to rain here I think too its kinda exciting, I hope it doenst rain tomorrow though because I wanna go to the beach. I'm gonna go visit my dad's grave today. Its going to be very hard...But I like doing it. It gives me a feeling of closure and it makes me feel close to him again. It's such a pretty place where he's at. It's in an outside mosolium (sp?) in a realy pretty cemetery near an old train track and its really green and flowery and lots of trees and stuff. Anywho, this makes me laugh to think about the last time I was here, because I had this diary up but I had deleted all those entries about that lifeguard that I met lol. I dont even have the urge to hang out with him cuz I just love my bf so much. I dont even think Im gonna see him unless he calls me and maybe Ill go say Hi or somethin, or he can meet me at the beach when Im there with my fam. But Im not gonna go hang out with him. K anyways, I gotta go to dinner in a lil while so Ill write tomorrow and keep ya up on my vaca. in FL! Lol, I miss you all! All my sisters...you know who you girls are. xoxo -Tyna