"Sometimes you just have to jump of the bridge, and learn to fly on the way down."
So today was my second full day in Florida and I was really bummed to find out I wasn't going home on Monday but on Wednesday :'(. Is it sad that I am already homesick and have been gone just all of 3 days?!Lol. Today was kind of a rough day. I woke up to my Mother and my Grandfather coming back from a doctors appointment he had and finding out that the pacemaker they had put in his heart is working but he has also developed other problems and has to have surgery tomorrow morning. His heart is taking in more blood than it's letting out and there is build up in his valves. I guess the same thing that happened to my Dad before he died of the same kind of heart attack so it kind of worries me. I'm not exactly sure what they are doing to his heart tomorrow but..I don't even know.
Anywho, on a brighter note. I went shopping today finally then we went and saw my Dad's grave. Goinng there always gives me a sense of closure because it's such a pretty place where he is at but then again it's just so hard. This was the first time I went and actually cried since I was a little girl. He is in an outside mosolium (sp?) so he's not in the ground but in these pretty marbel walls and I'll always put my hand up to it and talk to him. But this time I just broke down.
My Mom usually leave me there for awhile by myself cuz she knows I like to talk to him. My sister doesnt understand and it's irritating cuz she doesnt remember him and thinks im stupid for doing it. But I know he can hear me. My Mom doesnt like going there because she knows its only his body and she feels like hes with us everyday and there she isnt able to connect with him. But I know what she means. We always come down and visit everytime we are in Florida and replace flowers and write notes to him. I miss him so much sometimes. He died 10 years ago, but I can still recall that awful night like it was yesterday.
To get our minds off of it everytime we go see him, we usually go to the beach afterwards because he loved the beach and we just look at the ocean. The ocean always seems to give you a sense of relief. It was like a breath of fresh air. Wierd to think Im just so so far away from home. I miss my friends and my boyfriend so much its crazy. It just makes me realize how much they all mean to me. Anyways Im done writing for today...goodnight
<3me