So for the past, like what? 3 months, probably more, I have really been contemplating what I am doing in Art School.... I always felt like I was a cloud floating above the earth seeing what is going on and what other people are doing, just raining to wash away anything in their life that may be stopping them, and at the same time, that freedom of me floating around, has allowed me also restricted me from doing what I need. So.... I've decided to just fall away and blow this shit out of the water. I don't care how many nights I will have to be awake, or how little I eat, I'm going to finish this shit. This year obviously has been really hard on me and my body, but thats not going to stop me this time, I didn't stress the hell out senior year at Hermitage, spend thousands of dollars and endless nights working on projects to just give up. Its not like me, for the longest time I seriously thought I was loosing myself. Almost like a personal recession of just waking up and doing what I had to get done with no serious concerns to who I am or how I have been feeling.... Yeah, that didn't help much. Honestly, all I want to do right now is travel and find a bit more of myself, but at the same time, my art is developing into a higher aspect of who I am. Its always kinda sucked, no lie, but I could never get what i had in my mind on paper. Now... its becoming easier. As much work as its been, i finally see that i have come a long way from where i was. I'm obviously one to dish out a lot of medicine but never take my own, if you can follow that. Its true, I tell people things that can help them, but when i have the same situation i always just set it aside because i feel like there are worse things that could come across us. Its been a while since i could experience your brightness All of a sudden, i feel more liberated like a huge massive gust of cold harsh winter air just freezing a lake solid in minutes ... if only that was possible... but thats how i feel. Trying to search for who i am has lead me to several things: 1. You can not search for who you are. You have to let who you are come to you. 2. You cannot change the way you think, only find other ways of thinking. (Very confusing i know but it makes sense to me, and honestly i dont really care if it makes sense to anyone else but me) 3. If/ When at all possible just say fuck it and move on. (Too many things have held me back in my lovely little life that just aren't really worth it, I understand why they are holding me back, but at the same time, its kinda like... "WHY?" ) 4. I know that one day, everything will fall into place, whether its begun or not, i really dont know anymore. 5. The severity of how other people view you is really pointless and so ambiguous (by definition: has multiple interpretations) to a certain degree of things. 6. Everything around you will become supersized, like it or not. Not literally but then again anything is possible. 7. Abstract thoughts in your head can collaborate to something much more understandable than what you currently know. Take it in, and get it out. 8. Let the future stay where it is, and let the past stay where it is, really, the past may have formed, shaped, changed who you are, whether good or bad, but it has no power over you. You are the one that gave it power, you are the only one that can take it away. 9. If you need a change, make a change, just do it, if you stall or hold back, then you really dont want to, weather its fear or something else holding you back... you may or may not want to listen to it... seriously up to you 10. TAKE THAT MOTHER FUCKING CHANCE DAMN IT So here it ends, and there it begins again. I will try the whole self definition label maker shit again: My name is Mark, but I am commonly known as Sorian or Salem. My chinese name is pronounced Lee Han Sheng, to whom only my family and 1 other person currently calls me. Yes, music is a huge part and aspect of my life, not only listening to it but writing it as well. Yes, i am an artist and I actually understand the notions of what my art is now. Yes, I make many references to movies, music, ect. ect. I am gay, and usually pretty straight acting. I don't like to fight, but I can seriously knock the shit out of you if you fuck something up. I don't believe in holding anything back anymore because eventually things are going to have to be done/said/followed through. I am an artist by nature, i.e.: poetry on occasions, writing, paintings, sculpting, singing, ect. ect. the list fucking goes on. You people should all know this by now. And this is where i am going to stop because, it isn't necessary for me to do this anymore. Several pieces of information about me that some people may or may not know: 1. I am a nerd. 2. I can talk my way out of most situations 3. I am generally non-confrontational 4. I dont like to be disrespected or have my territory treaded on 5. I am really crazy and spazmatic at times 6. I am a fairly open book except a few chapters got glued together due to a bad memory 7. I have a liver issue, no big, i just dont drink 8. I loose track of time when I am working on art work i like, or for personal art 9. I believe in love, love at first sight, and the notion of a monogamous relationship, long distance relationships, and making things work out... it just depends on how hard you work/ how strong you are/ and how much you are willing to either give up or just give. 10. I have a terrible internal body clock that runs in almost direction 11. I drive fairly well... for an asian, I haven't gotten a ticket yet. 12. I dont dance in front of other people usually unless its DDR or some version of that 13. I SPEAK5 languages: Taiwanese/ Hokkien, Mandarin, Cantonese, Japanese, English (and Teo if you read this, YES it is considered Mandarin, not a variation) 14. I tend to relate to alot of things, therefore there are few things i dont like. 15. I generally get along with most people, but if i dont like you, i dont like you, thats it, i dont have to like everyone, there is no rule that said i had to, so fuck off about it... 16. I am obviously a bitch... its who i am, and i like it this way. 17. I like to stay in my room/ studio most of the time, i really dont like going out that often (any more at least) its just not for me. 18. Every book I own I have read at least once. 19. I am a pretty sentimental person... believe it or not. 20. I can be a real genius at pissing people off, or making people cry. 21. I dont listen to music when i work to ignore other things in my life, i use it to focus on what i am doing/ concentrating on at the moment. I know its there and it will do away on its own accord. 22. I seriously feel like i am a 30ish year old person trapped inside this body of mine 23. I really hate people who judge people without analyzing them first, and i mean really analyzing them. Im going to work on my art work some more....