Seriously, for the past 21 years of my life I had parents. For the first 10 years of it I never saw them, they were working hard for me to have a "good life." Please, someone tell me what a good life is? Yeah you know what, this isn't a good life. Granted my parents did do a wonderful job of raising me... by not raising me? I had to figure life out on my own, and learn the rules to the game of life. So starting from my birth/ moving to america my parents always worked from 9 am to 12 am everyday except for saturday. The typical Chinese Food Restaurant Job. So they left me in the care to my grandmother... as we all know I love her because I have to and thats about it. My parents thought they were leaving me in such good care, or such an economical choice.... no. My grandmother was already well in her late 60's early 70's by the time I had come to exist. And because of her age, she was already unable to take care of herself. Therefore I started from a young age to take care of myself. I started to cook, clean, bathe, ect. ect. Well after that whole shit went down I was all ready independent by the age of 10, so long as there was food/water/electricity/toiletries i was fine. So when I was 10 my mother decided to quit her restaurant job and work for a corporate company... AFTER taking a year off to get to know me. By then, I didn't want her to know me because I all ready knew who I was. I didn't need her help with life I was making through fine. Of course like all parents do, she forced her way into my life. Dissecting every aspect of it she could... or so she assumed. Eventually, I grew older and kept on letting her assume she had control over me, that power that all parents seem to crave and refuse to give up, as if someone had taken it, stolen it from them at their childhood. After high school started I kept up with the charade with an ambiance of light to keep both of my parents at a close distance. It fared well until senior year. I finally had had enough of it. I was sick and tired of being treated like I was 5 years old unable to do anything for myself; simple because; when I was five years old, I all ready knew the things I had to do. I started paying rent at 14 when i got a damn job at my father's restaurant. I know how to balance a check book, and I know how to work with other people to get along/ ahead in life. But for some odd reason I still get the same shit, day after day, about how worthless I am or how stupid I am, or how naive and oblivious I am to everything around me. The constant nagging and bitching about how easy my life was/is. Why I can never be successful in life because I chose what to do instead of following the main crowd. And for what? To be working dead-end hell jobs that requires no social life and no energy for my family. HELL NO. I WILL make a living off of doing what I love. I'm still paying rent only to be treated like an infant. My grandmother keeps asking me the same question over and over again because she is too old to either hear it for first time, or just too senile to remember it. My mother who has some serious letting go issues used to let me do whatever, NOW NOW that i am in college and have a life of my own, she expects me to drop EVERYTHING I am doing, to just do her bidding for her. She might have been able to hit the shit out of me when I am younger now, and SHIT she can still hit me now. The problem is, I'm not 5, 10, or 15 and defenseless anymore. If I didn't have the convenience of a studio and the occasional free food I would have been gone ages ago because I get the lovely task of paying $750 dollars a month. Which for 2 rooms, a full bath, and half a garage to work in is pretty good. But I'm sick of my parents walking in and out of my room that I pay for just to have them tell me what's wrong with me/my life/ my lifestyle/ my choices. I have made the choices I have made on my own with out them being in it. Things aren't different now just because they see me more often. And granted yes, my father has gotten better about being an asshole to me, but my mother has decided to take the desperate opposite approach. She's just holding me tighter and tighter and you know, I hate to use an Asian proverb but "If you hold a bird to loosely it will fly away, if you hold it to tight, it will die" and at this point I'M DIEING. They refuse to give me respect even though I am the only/eldest grandchild (which in an Asian culture, dictates that I have authority in the household). They constantly bash my self esteem for what ever reasons. They criticize my thought processing which they say "It didn't come from either of us" but they never had anything to do with it in the first place. At this point in my life, If I don't get out I will be jailed for murder. I'm being driven crazy and run ragged. I have a life of my own and I need to live it. I cannot deliver everything to them on a silver platter at their whim because we don't even have silver platters to begin with. We never had them. And my parents being the Asians they are do several things.... (I am talking about my parents specifically here though) 1. Always talk down about their child in public no matter how good they are. 2. Always criticize everything their child does 3. Always guilt trips their child into doing anything/ everything at their own whim. 4. Always say "When I was in (fill in country of origin here) life was hard... blah blah blah" you get it 5. Always say "Every time (or) How many times have I told you to do _______ you never do it" 6. Always blame their child's failures on the child 7. Always discuss how bad their children are and do nothing about it. 8. Always say that their english is bad, and thats why they cannot do better in America. -yes that is just to name a few, and yes they do ALWAYS do that- So, lately my mother has been having random bursts of anger where she decides to take it out on me. Last time she slammed open my door and started throwing shit around screaming at the top of her lungs about random shit that pissed her off... note: I HAD JUST RE-CLEANED MY ROOM. NOW: My mother is putting the blame of a missing ceramic cup on me because apparently ".... everything you take to your room you never take out...." which is not really true because I try to take out dirty dishes, ect. on a weekly basis. And I told her that, all she said that I had nothing better to do and that I was lazy.... really? I have nothing better to do? I work 2 part time jobs and I go to college full time. I have nothing better to do? And then she asked the million dollar question... "Why do you smoke?" and decided to bitch me out for that too.... really? Why do I smoke? I looked her dead in the eyes and I said because of stress, and if i wanted to quit I would but I don't want to because if I quit, I WILL, kill someone. And then she said "You won't even quit for your mother, how worthless is a child that cannot do anything for his family?" to which I replied "You're one of the reasons I smoke, and I am not worthless, if I was, I would be on the streets now eating garbage outside of your husband's dumpster, I wouldn't be able to survive when I leave or you decide to go on another random brigade and fuck up my shit. I would probably be dead by now." And I casually walked away and started typing this. So the question I am asking is. Can someone give me a reason why I shouldn't smoke, BESIDES the health factors? Or just some nice tips in general before I go an explode?