Some times I wonder why bad things happen to good people. So many of the people I love are going through some pretty shitty things. I know what it's like. I've been there, and I wonder why? Why? What did they ever do to deserve this? At the same token, I also know that these things...they make you stronger in the end...but the needless suffering...it hurts to watch. I feel so helpless. I can't do a goddamned thing. All I can really do is sit there and say what everyone else has said before. "I'm Sorry" "I know what your going through." "I wish I could help" blah blah fucking blah. Whats that going to do? Even if I HAVE been there? Nothing. I know that. I know that if anything, it just makes you angry. You think to yourself 'As fucking if you know' If I could I would take all their suffering, and all their pain, and take it for my own. I honestly would. I love my friends. With everything. I had to get that all out. I just felt so strongly about it, after learning what has gone on in my absence. There's lighter stuff. I promise. I got back today from a seven day jaunt in Medicine Hat. This is where my grandmother resides. My auntie Bonnie and uncle Lane were there with my cousin James. I was pleased. It's been a long time since I have seen any of my mothers family. Since I was about 12. That's six fucking years, and before that I hadn't seen then since infancy. Goes to show how often we see them. Why is a whole other story, for a whole other blog. I soon found that all my creativity, and my inclination towards the performing arts, is all on that side of the family. My strange-ness is also on that side. James is also a hippy, very much like myself. For some one who is 11 years my senior, we sure have a lot in common, I find. I bought a record player and five records. I bought a buttload of new clothes, and a buttload of large gaudy jewlery. I am so pleased with my purchases. I am also pleased to be in my own goddamn bed, and not some smelly air matress that I have to share with my bed-hog sister. I'm tired as fuck from the lack of sleeping I did on that matress. Other than that, I had fun, and I miss my family already. There is far less drama and scandal on that side of the family. It was so refreshing to hang out with my family and actually get along. Minimal fighting, no non-sense, just fun. Good times. Tomorrow, I am planning on filling this gigantic CD rack my grandmother so lovingly donated to me. She had no use for it and just moments before, I was needlessly bitching about how mine was insufficent. It's so amazing. It's my new favorite thing next to my record player. I am now just wating for Grey Gardens to start again at 10:45. I was greatly looking forward to watching it. It looks like an excillent film. I hope I get to see Julia next weekend. I miss her and she needs a friend more than anything. I wish I could be there all the time for her. It hurts not to be. I hate that she feels so alone. I hope I get to see Kyra soon. I'm going to give her the biggest hug I can muster. It's least I can do. It's the best I can do. What else is there to do? I love you girls. <3 I also love my other friends, for those of you who feel left out. You know I would fly to ends of the earth for each and every one of you. -- Feeling abnormally lovey dovey.