It’s been forever and a half since I have actually written a blog that is even slightly worth reading. I guess, it is about the time that I told the stories of my Morris adventure. Yes I was still recovering from that, a whole month later. Yes, it was that bad. I figure that if I ever want to remember this sometime in the future, I had better document it. And so with that said, I really don’t care if you read this. You can, but if you don’t, who the fuck cares. Also before I start on that, I have decided what my ‘jam’ for the summer is. Last year’s was Nine Inch Nails, danceable single off ‘The Slip’, ‘Discipline’. Yeah it was Nine Inch Nails, shut up. It was the first album free of a label, of course I bought that shit. Not that I wouldn’t have anyways. Regardless, that song was, and still is the shit. ANYWAYS, this summers ‘jam’ is definitely ‘Boombox’ by the Lonely Island, of their first album ‘Incredibad’ which, by the way, is my new favourite thing EVER. That is my jam, now back to Morris. It’s Friday afternoon. We are all buzzing with excitement for Kyle’s end of the year bash at his home in Morris Manitoba, which I assure you, is nothing special, or even worth mentioning to anyone. My friend Chantal and I decide to head out early, she has to pick up some stuff, and we really need a bite to eat before we head out. That was all fine and dandy, had subs, listened to my favourite band ever, yes you guessed it, Nine Inch Nails in her car. Sure. So were on the on the highway, listening to our tunes, don’t know how this came up, but she looks at me and says, “You know Eric likes you?” No I didn’t know. How…interesting. At this point, I don’t particularly care. We continue down the highway, Swanson -another friend- passes us doing at least 170. Real safe. With in the next hour, we pull into the hick town of Morris Manitoba. And I can make fun of it all I want for being hick. The sign was falling apart to the point that you couldn’t read it, and the drunks were already out (it is 6:30 at this point). We pull into the motel, which is also falling apart at the seams, and check in. A man decides to hit on us outside. Whatever, you’re old, we are not. Turns out the lady at the front desk was his wife. Already I want to turn around and go home. Not only is it a town of hicks, it’s a town of hicks who all know each other. We check in, we enter our room, which was actually a hell of a lot nicer than I thought it would be. We drop our stuff and watch a few minutes of T.V. I mean, we don’t have to be there until 7. Chantal look’s at me. “I really do not want to go.” Me either actually. “We should just stay here and sleep.” I couldn’t have agreed with her more. Those little red flags in the back of my head popped up and said ‘EXCUSE ME. PAY ATTENTION TO ME. STAY HERE PLZ.’ Do I listen to them? Of course not (which is actually quite odd for me). We put our makeup on and sit around for a few more minutes, before heading out the door to follow Kyle’s vague directions to his house. At first it was fine. Of course we run into lover boy in the parking lot, conveniently positioned beside Kyle’s house. Now I can see his little ‘crush’ annoying more than anything. We entered the basement and saw Swanson there. No surprise, the guy drives like a fucking rock star on speed (pun so not intended). Kyle is banging on his drums, drunk already. Our friend Paul shows up with a couple of other school mates, that do not need to be named, because I know you’re having a hard time keeping up with who I’ve mentioned hence forth. I played ‘left for dead’ for a while with Swanson. It’s fun when the zombies aren’t jumping the fuck out of nowhere. Then I played that UFC game with Paul, and beat him both times. He will tell you otherwise, but he’s just upset that A.) he was beat by a girl and B.) it was at video games. Yeah I’m awesome like that, DEAL. So now Eric wants to play with me. What ever, I’ll run with it. I just want to cream another dude at video games, which I did. At this point, all Kyle’s ‘Morris Friends’ show up. Now I’m kind of uncomfortable, and the flags are back. So I tell Chantal, that I’m walking back to the motel for a nap, and to come get me when they go to the bar. Paul has given me no choice, after I declined many, MANY times, that he is going to walk me there. We have a nice discussion, actually, and arrive at my Motel room. Now this is where the communication error comes up. This is when the trouble starts. A few months back Paul decided that I have a crush of Eric. I don’t, not even a little bit, but Paul decided this. We happened to be talking about it, and I do not know what I said, but he some how misconstrued what I said, and took it as an ‘Oh yea, I totally like him.’ Oh yes. I was totally un aware of this at the time, and I went to lay down. Julia call’s, and we end up talking for about an hour. The minute I hang up, Chantal stumbles in, drunk already, and say’s that they’re headed to the bar. It’s 11 already. How the eff did this happen? What ever, we head over, and she buys me a shot (At this point I would like to add, that I was on some knarly antibiotics for an ear infection, and should not have been drinking, but I digress). I drink it reluctantly, I mean it’s only a shot right? Right. We head over a table, right beside the fricken stage, were there is terrible karaoke going on. I mean TERRIBLE. T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E TERRIBLE. I could have found better singers on Higgens and Main at midnight. Seriously. ANYWAYS, Chantal nuzzles up to her drink, all happy-go-lucky, I survey the scene, still deciding if I want to stay here or not. There’s a creepy old drunk guy in the corner, and some hippy chick twirling around like a fucking pansy. It’s still empty though, so I decided to stay and feel it out. Who else would wander in at this point, than Eric? NO ONE. Chantal calls him over. Please don’t do that. He comes over and sits down, so I busy myself by looking through the karaoke catalogue, pretending like I’m actually interested. Chantal proceeds to try and make Eric hold hands with me. Okay seriously? Where the fuck is this coming from? Alarmed I pull my hand away and tell her to fuck off. Eric proceeds to put his arm around me. This is the time where I will explain why this is a terrible idea in general. I have a serious space issue. Why or how, I have no idea, I just hate people in my bubble of space. I also dislike very drunk people in my space, more so than sober ones. Eric is both in my space and very drunk. He’s leaning over me, obviously trying to pull something. What I still don’t know, because he was fucking terrible at it. I shrink in my seat trying to burry my face in the book, and not be rude. Of course, why would I not want to be fucking rude to the drunk asshole in my space. OF COURSE. After a few awkward moments and him asking if I saw anything I liked in the book I quickly said “Ummm I’ll be right back!” and bolted for the door. Lucky for me, Thorburn and Devin were outside (more friends). I was saved. Drunk the two of them are like themselves, but louder. I can tolerate this, I know they will respect my space and not hit on me like an awkward 12 year old. I converse with them and actually start to have a little fun, when I see Paul leaning on the fence, looking in. I wander over and ask why he isn’t in the bar. “I forgot my ID in my truck.” Well then go get it. “It’s at Kyle’s place.” Of course it is. I offer to walk with him, after all, he did walk me here earlier. We go with another friend, have another really good long talk, and retrieve the ID. Paul mentions that he is thinking of going home early, as in that night. Most of them are staying at Kyle’s house (hence Chantal and I got the motel room). I was relieved. This means Paul will also be sober. Fucking awesome. I tell him about Eric, and he promises that he will be the body guard for my space. After about a half an hour, I decide to turn in. I’m exhausted and highly uncomfortable. Who comes out at this point? You guess it. ERIC. I hurriedly try to escape with out his seeing me. “Oh there you are!” Ugh…yeah…here I am…haha… “I was looking for you” I’m going to bed. Yeah, bye. “Let me walk you.” No it’s fine, it’s like five meters away. “I don’t want you to get hurt.” It’s five meters away. I’m fine. He follows me anyways. I try to keep a considerable distance away, but he catches up some how. I open the door and walk in, say good night over my shoulder and shut the door in his face. Rude maybe, but he was getting on my fucking nerves, and I was grouchy and tired. I locked the door, washed my face, put my PJ’s on, and crawled into my bed. I turned out all the light’s and flipped on the T.V. I watch about 15 minutes of South Park when some one knocks on the door. Who the fuck could that be? I figure it’s Chantal, forgot her key, So I answer it. No, its Eric. He leans in as far as he can, I back up, still holding the door firmly in my hand. Can I help you? “You’re just uh….watching TV?” Yes. Awkward silence. Good night. And I shut the door in his face again. It’s time for him to fuck the fuck off. I get back into my bed, and plug my iPod into my ears. I need some music to sooth my frayed nerves. Just as I start to listen to one of my favourite NIN songs, the best thing for my nerves I find, the door is pounding again. I ignore it. Not today Eric Gange. NOT TO FUCKING DAY. The person knocks again. This time I am sure it is Chantal forgot her key. I answer. It’s Kyle of all people. “Why aren’t you partying?” I’m tired. “Come out and party more.” Kyle, I’m in my fucking PJ’s. My make up is washed off. I’m going to bed. “No, let me in.” He pushed his way into the room, drunk as hell, and plops down on Chantal’s bed. I tried to stop him, but he is both bigger and stronger than me. “You have to come out and party more.” No! I’m wearing fricken Mickey Mouse PJ’s! And I have no make up on! “You’re gorgeous with out it. I’m serious, you really are, just come out and party.” NO! “I am not leaving until you get dressed and come party with me.” Fine. Stay here. I go into the bathroom, change and come out. I try to put on some powder as Kyle bear hug’s me from behind. Paul walks in and asks if I’m alright. I say yes. He tells Kyle to stop touching me because I look uncomfortable. Bless his heart. I love Paul. So I head back out. Kyle disappears, and I try to find Chantal. When I finally see her, she is drunk, and holding hands with some local. Yeah, I’m going back outside. I hang with Devo and Thor again, because to be quite frank, they are far more entertaining, and much more fun. They and Paul were my saving graces. At around two, I head around towards the motel room. Most bars close at 2. I come around the corner just in time to see Kyle get punched in the face by his ex girlfriend. And hard may I add. I tried to contain my laughter, as she fell to the ground dramatically, and bawled so loud my ear drums literally pounded. There she lay in a crumpled heap of tears and fake whines. It was fucking hilarious. What she was moaning about I do not remember, but it was stupid at any rate. You’re his ex. Yes he is going to hit on many young girls. Best part of my night I think. Chantal and I slowly creep away to our motel room, un-noticed. We crash. The next morning, we didn’t even go to pick up her guitar. She texted Kyle to bring it in on Monday, and just like in the movies, we high tailed it the fuck out of there, with the sun coming up over the horizon and waving good bye. Fuck you Morris Manitoba. What a fucking night. There you have it. Morris in a nutshell (a rather large and lengthy one. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID LULZ). I will never go out there again, nor will I ever look Eric Gange in the face again. --Bored and with nothing better to do than bore you all.