wow. ok . so i guess my first entry was a hit in not even one minute. for some reason i just got a flashback to last, no two easter breaks ago.i was at my dumbass fathers house and a lot happened, not with him, but with this girl crystal. it was fun, not bad. plus i just wathed a preview of thumbsucker so it just REALY brrought it back. i met this kid james and he just realy gave me attention and so did another kid robert. im not bragging TRUST ME. hell, i havent had a boyfriend in 10 months. my first kiss was by james and the next day he was all like by the way, this girl asked me out right after i got home so bye. then i found out robert liked me, the only thing was, i told him i was 16. so that was all hell in the end and i really liked him. so........ i really miss having a boyfriend becuase i have no one to hold me and here, everyone counts on looks. i am fat and ugly, and i dont care what my "friends" say, i am. i weigh a lot, i am obese. i am ugly. i look like my ass. but i am smart and everything so its ok becasue whoever sais im ugly, they can bite me becuase only i can say it. ;). no but seriously. last night i went to a party, dont get me wrong now, it wasnt like aprty whooo dance on tables strip and get drunk. there wasnt any alchohol. it was for some kids in band. im in guard. it was a birthday party, kind of. but it was more fun than that because our band parties are fun like that. we were practically making likea pon video. no just kidding. but i have this gay friend, chris, and like, alaina and claire, who is also on guard , they're cool, always are like hey babe and they always like sit on his lap to say the last beacuase hes gay and its fun. me, i wouldnt do anything like that becuase i just think im so fat and ugly i think he would just like jump away and run screaming iwww iwww and shit like that. when i was in 6th grade 2 guys came up to me and asked me out and started laughing and walked away. and just this ast year, only a few months ago i had trouble getting in this desk becuase my pruse was in my way because i use a bookbag as my purse and this kid dave who weighs just as much as me goes whats hte matter, you cant fit in the desk? asshole. ok. honestly, im not that fat. im like average. i just have just low self esteem that i only seee myself as a 300 pound cow. but last night was fun and now i wasnt to just start allowing myself to have fun and i just read my last entry and im not 20!!! im 13!!!! omg!!!!!!!! its pissing me off... whatever though..ok well tell me what you think...bye